How old are you? How were you raised? Was it the “right” way or the “wrong” way? Are you unhappy with the way you have been raised? A lot of people have been struggling for years taking courses or reading books to improve themselves; but has it helped?
Think about this: “It takes a village to raise a child”.
Most of us know this as the title of a book written by Hillary Clinton but it is actually an African proverb.
It also takes a village to raise an adult…
I am going to show you two ways to help bring up an adult right!
So now you are asking: what is he talking about?
For millions of years it was the village that raised our children. Certainly it is the parents who have the primary responsibility but in every part of the world it has been the extended family, the grandparents who live with the family, the uncles, aunts, and cousins who live next door or down the street, and every member of the village that has helped raise that child. And it was true in the United States up until the Industrial Revolution.
The start of the industrial age brought a lot of changes into our lives. One of the most profound changes affects how children are raised. What happened? Previously fathers worked close to home. Their sons were with them early on and grew up working with them. Dads, grandfathers, and uncles were able to bond with their kids. Now families had to move where the jobs were, this would be far away from the village. Now granddads and uncles aren’t there and often dads are getting up early in the morning, driving a half hour or more to a job, coming home late at night and children, if they are lucky, see them on weekends and maybe a short time during the weekday.
Families are now finding they require two incomes to survive so guess what, moms are out working too! And young children are growing up in day care and preschools. And I haven’t even touched upon single-parent homes!
If that isn’t enough, starting with WWII when dads went off to war they were taught not to show any emotion except, of course, anger!! When they were discharged and back raising their families, only the anger showed. Children learned that men have only one emotion!
As a result of these changes a lot of us grow up with gaps in our development. What can we do to fill them?
There are people and organizations that have evolved to help fill these gaps. Where once grandparents, uncles and aunts, and the village acted as mentors, today we must look outside the home. There are many different types of mentors.
One group of individuals out there to help is called life coaches. You may have heard of one of them, his name is Dr Phil. Many of them specialize in different areas of life. Do you have a problem with relationships? There are coaches to help. Emotions? Life? Business? You can find a coach dedicated to fill those gaps for you. Check out Coach Inc on the web for some good ones. They do everything by phone. They will discuss your issues and give homework. This can be as simple as getting a daily massage or as tough as confronting people who have made your life a nightmare! You say you don’t know what your needs might be? The website has a needs assessment form available for download.
I have had two coaches. One lives in California and the other is local, they used to deal with my issues in tandem on the phone; we would do three way calls. I had a problem with dealing with nasty people. I still have some work left but I am getting better!
There is another way to fill in the gaps that people generally don’t think about. Once the Industrial Revolution happened and families left the villages, wives found themselves far away from their mothers, aunts, grandmothers…their mentors. In those days who was there to teach them how to nurture and feed their children? Male doctors! Let’s face it what do we men really know about breast-feeding?
Not to worry, today there are organizations available which have moms that have been there, done that, available to support new moms along the way. When our son was born my wife found a group called The Mother Connection. It was set up to support moms and families in the Merrimack valley. They have a lot of educational resources, workshops, and moms to help other moms. Check online for similar groups near you.
Now, these aren’t all the types of groups available. You can find both spiritual and secular groups to help with the process too.
So, have you found that inner child in you? This can be fun! I love going to carnivals and amusement parks with my 8 year old and riding all the rides with him! We climb mountains, swim, and bike ride. Not bad for a fifty-something year old!
But if you find that your inner child is blocking your development and you don’t have close family and friends to help you through it (or even if you do), check out the different mentoring groups. You have two that you can start with today: the mother connection and life coaching.
Remember, don’t do it alone! It is only a recent stage in human history that we think we don’t need anyone else. It is never too late to start! Use these tools and others that are available to raise yourself to adulthood!
