On Saturday during the Fourth of July weekend we got an invitation to a barbeque being held by one of my nieces on Sunday. This was great. I’ve talked about the structure my son Max needs to function. Sunday was a big hole for us. Certainly we had church in the morning but nothing was planned for the afternoon.

When Max discovered we were going he was extremely excited. He could barely contain himself as we drove up north. He likes my niece and her sister a lot but they are quite a bit older and have kids. My niece has an 8 year old son that Max enjoys playing with. My boy is 9.

He insisted on bringing his bicycle and scooter which we crammed into the back seat. This meant he had to sit cross legged for the 40 minute drive. He sat in back with them while my wife and I stayed up front.

Upon arrival he wasted no time in pulling out the bike and running over to meet his cousin’s son. They both disappeared down the street while my wife and I went in to greet the adults.

As I said Max needs structure to keep him balanced. We’ve done a pretty good job this weekend with the town festival on Friday; his road race and fireworks on Saturday; and now the barbeque. I think we started to feel good about our achievement. He hadn’t had too many meltdowns and he has behaved pretty well. But we started gloating too soon.

It started with the boys going their separate ways. Max sat in a chair just staring at the crowd while his cousin went to playing with the other younger kids. To be fair to him he was very tired. After his heavy duty Saturday he had actually slept to 8:30 Sunday morning. This is unimaginable for a kid that likes to be up by 5 or 6. Not only that, he didn’t wake up on his own. When the cat started howling at his bedroom door he struggled out of bed.

Not long afterwards a man and his wife sat next to him. Very nice people though initially I stereotyped him. He was a biker covered in tattoos. His head was shaved and he wore earrings. Max was fascinated; I was a little nervous. My son wanted to trade things with him like sunglasses, shoes, and knives. But the man calmly talked to him like an equal and parried all of his requests.

Several times we tried to steer Max away because my son was now pestering him over and over about the same things. But the man calmly told us not to worry about it he was enjoying talking to my son.

But Max was starting to get edgy because he wasn’t getting what he wanted. Later he played basketball with several of the men there and was having a blast. When they decided to quit he was very put out and begged them to continue. When it didn’t happen he was back in his chair badgering the man again.

It was now 5:30. We had been there for 3 hours but we knew it was almost time to leave. We called Max over and informed him that we would be going at 6 o’clock. And that’s when the you know what hit the fan. He tried to convince us to stay until 9 because the kids were going to shoot off fireworks. We were in New Hampshire; they are legal there. He wanted to stay with them.

My wife and I looked at each other and shook our heads. He was getting worse and worse. He was crying and saying some very vitriolic things to us. He ended up running off to the car and locking himself in. After we said our goodbyes we followed him.

As we got close we could hear him wailing and punching the seat. But once I had stowed our chairs into the trunk of the car he had calmed down enough to put his bike in as well. He was still pouting and stayed quiet and sullen as we headed home.

On the way I stopped at Home Depot which set him off once again. He just wanted to be home now. He kicked and screamed until he realized that I was still going in no matter what. He quieted down and followed me. He couldn’t miss this. It is, of course, one of his favorite stores.

By the time we had gotten what we needed he was back to his usual perky self. It was a good night after this though every once in awhile he would mention the fireworks he had missed.

It’s at times like this when any parent can feel totally drained. Even if they have handled the situation correctly it can still leave them shaken. Just imagine how a parent would feel who has a child with adhd, bipolar, asperger’s, or another disorder. Their child’s outburst can be one hundred times more powerful.

So many times my wife and I fall asleep on the couch soon after Max goes to bed. The plus side to all of this is that these explosions are getting less and less as time goes on. Max has been working with us, his play therapist, advocate, and mentor to channel this aggression into other areas so that he calms down much quicker and is much happier as a result.

He has a big incentive to work with us because he doesn’t like the explosions. He always feels bad once they are over.

But even though we, his parents, were beginning to be elated over how well the weekend was going we still needed to be on our guard to make sure Max stayed on balance. Without constant watch we weren’t prepared when he lost control.

But you know Mom and Dad slept well that night.