Sunday looked like it was going to be a good day. After church my son Max and I put together a list of jobs we would do that day. These included raking grass cuttings; planting grass in an area where a tree once stood; and finally planting Max’s garden.
After we did the raking I realized Max hadn’t had lunch yet so I took him off to the fast food joint down the street. We wanted to make it quick so we could get back to work. We took the drive-thru lane and picked up a burger.
We were gone 5 minutes but as we pulled into the driveway my wife came running. Apparently Max’s buddy at the end of our street had stopped in looking for him. He had only left a minute ago.
Max didn’t waste a second; he was on his scooter and down the driveway before we even realized he was gone. Minutes later he dragged himself back to the house; his pal was not outside. He called him only to find that plans had changed. Within moments of getting home he started playing Monopoly with his parents.
Max began to cry. Very quickly he became inconsolable. This is not like him. He never cries. If he gets hurt he grits his teeth and moves on through the pain. My wife called to find out what was really happening. Yes they were playing but at 2 pm their son would be going to his baseball game. He would be home by 4. And, oh by the way, Max can come over and watch.
Watch? My son is an “action guy”. He cannot just sit and observe other people having fun! The crying continued. For the next 3 hours it was “is it 4 yet?”
“Not yet, we have 1 hour and 50 minutes left.” Wail!
Max’s friend did not get home at 4 which started more problems. My wife decided to take him for an ice cream but he wouldn’t go because he was afraid he would miss him. I promised that if the boy showed up I would keep him here until Max got back. This mollified him and he left.
His friend actually showed up at 6:30 but he only had a half an hour. When it was time to go home Max was upset yet again but at least he finally got a little time with him.
Anyway, all of this trouble ruined the afternoon for all of us. The yard work was postponed and my wife was unable to get dinner started on time.
You see, Max has a lot of issues. He is a bipolar Aspie with adhd. Because of this he doesn’t make friends easily. Parents of “normal” kids are hesitant about letting them play with him. They aren’t sure how he is going to be with them. Quite often he ends up playing with other special needs children instead and though he likes them he really wants to be thought of as “normal”.
When an issue like this happens it is devastating for him. He takes it personally and believes that his friend really doesn’t care whether they play together or not. Which, in this case, is true. We have noticed that this boy only wants to play with Max if no one else is around. My son, on the other hand, would play with him every day if he could.
As my wife said she should not have mentioned that the boy had come over since Max and I already had plans and things were going so well. But you know even we didn’t think that this boy’s mind could have changed so quickly.
And yes, it is true, that children need to learn from disappointment but Max seems to get more than most. It would be nice if he could catch a break sometimes!
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