Posts for category ‘Anxiety’

Max has been having a lot of problems and issues lately.  He has been unmanageable, explosive, and angry.  It seems like he has taken major steps backward after improving quite substantially.

It is not that he has been intentionally getting into trouble.  In fact, even though he is 10 years old he has been crying when he finds out that he has been misbehaving.

The crying in itself is unusual because he has never really cried since he was a baby.  I mean he can fall and bang or scrape his knees.  He can bang his thumbs with hammers so badly they swell and throb in pain.  But he will jump up and walk it off while saying:

“I’m okay, I’m okay!”

When he says this we know he really got hurt but he has always tried to hide it.

But in the past few months he has been misbehaving and crying more and more often.  And as I said he is not doing it intentionally.

A lot of things have been happening that have been affecting him badly.  These are some of them:

• His dad (me) came down with pneumonia and it took several months to get well.  As a result I hadn’t been available to play or go different places with him

• A month ago we had a pre-season snowstorm.  We lost power for 24 hours which wasn’t too bad but his grandparents were without it for 3 days.  His granddad is paralyzed from the waist down and his grand mom has slowed down quite a bit; they are both in their 80s.  Since they couldn’t take care of themselves through this it fell to us to make sure they survived.  We ended up taking them to different hotels each night since we could only book one day at a time.

• Two days after the power came on they had to move to a handicap accessible apartment.  And of course, we had to take care of it.

• But with all of the moves and disruptions Max’s grandmother has been terribly disoriented. So as result we have two more children to take care of.  I make breakfast every morning for them and take it to their apartment.  On days when their pcas don’t show up it falls to me to get them up and ready for the day.  My wife makes dinner for them, takes it over to them, and washes their dishes.  Later on she goes back to put them to bed.

• And then there was the big one. I got a call from a close friend of mine a few weeks ago informing me that his oldest boy had committed suicide.  He was 16 years old.  Max and I have been spending as much time as we can with the family.  My friend is a single parent with 3 boys (2 now) and the youngest is a close friend of my son.  And Max looked up to the older boy.

This is not everything that has happened but these are the biggest.

Max has been a trooper.  He has helped my friend and his grandparents whenever asked.

But with all of the stress over these situations and our exhaustion we hadn’t noticed that he was becoming very unhappy….until the bad behavior.  He can’t listen, he does what he wants, and he is very explosive when he doesn’t get his way.

We’ve had to call in child services and it has been recommended that if he breaks anything or hits us to be ready to call the police.

He’s a far cry from where he had been over the summer.  He is basically back to where he was when he was 7 and 8 years old.

We can see now that the stress has been unbearable for him too even though we didn’t notice it for awhile.

He has also told us that he hasn’t been getting enough time with us.  Well he has, a lot, but there haven’t been any close and happy times.  None of us has been in the best shape.  My wife has been exhausted as a result of taking care of the two of us while I was sick which doesn’t help her disability at all.  And now to be her parents’ caregiver is taking a toll as well.

But our priority has to be Max right now.  Yes, her parents need help but he needs more from us.

As I write this I can hear him in his toy room which is right next to my office.  He is working with his advocate cleaning up the thousand different messes.  He is acting calm and collected with her but this is following an explosion he had after his mother requested he turn down his music.

And it’s raining again.

Ever since he has been a baby Max has been afraid of dogs. Big dogs. It is because he used to spend a lot of time at his uncle’s and aunt’s house. They owned three large German Shepherds and Golden Retrievers.

Now, they were never very frightening dogs; they were just so happy to see us when we would visit. They would come galloping at us; tails and tongues wagging; looking for attention. You can just imagine what this would do to a baby who was just starting to crawl to see these giants coming to play.

My son is nine years old now but he hasn’t gotten over his fright. If we meet one out walking he will hide behind me until the threat is gone.

On the other hand he loves horses. He can’t get enough of them. If we are at a carnival and there are pony rides we can’t keep him off them.

This year we discovered a horse camp. When we asked him if he’d like to go for two weeks he was ecstatic! He understood though it would not be all fun and games. The program requires each child to get involved in brushing and cleaning the horses; mucking out the stalls; and taking care of the saddles and bridles.

He has always wanted to live with horses so for him this wasn’t a problem.

Imagine our surprise when he, and we, discovered he is afraid of them. No, he doesn’t have a problem climbing up on top of one and riding. This he loves. The problem comes in when he stands beside them. Even ponies are taller than he is. To get close to brush and wash them is very difficult.

At this camp volunteers are assigned to each child to teach them what to do but it is the kid’s responsibility to get the work done. On the second day of camp when we picked Max up we received a complaint from the program manager. He was not doing his job. He was only standing at the side watching his volunteer do all the work.

At the end of the day the kids get to actually ride “their” horses. The manager complained that Max still expected his turn even though he hadn’t earned it. On the way home we asked him what was going on. This is when we learned about his fears.

On Wednesday, the third day, on the way to camp we suggested that he just try to do a little bit. If he could do that each day it would help him get over his fears. He promised to try.

At the end of the day I picked him up. The manager cornered me to complain yet again that Max wasn’t doing his job. Not only that she informed me that if he wasn’t going to do it then she didn’t want us to bring him back the following week. The worst part of it was she said this in front of him.

I stopped her and informed her what we had planned with Max and I asked her:

“Did he do a little bit more today?”

“Yes, he did.”

“Well that is our plan. Since he is so afraid of the horses we are trying to get him through this by getting him to do a little bit more each day.”

She seemed to like this idea and agreed to keep him a little bit longer.

On the way home Max told me that he had cleaned the bridle. I then told him a story:

“I once knew a nine year old boy that grew up on a farm. Like you he was afraid of horses. One of his jobs was to go inside stalls and clean them out every day. He didn’t have a problem with this except when the horses were still in them. This always made him nervous.

One day he decided he didn’t want to be afraid so he pushed himself to do a little bit more than the day before. Then each day he did more and more until one day he discovered he wasn’t afraid of them anymore.

But this required that he decide that he didn’t want to be afraid.”

Max liked the story, “Who was the little boy?”

“It was me.”

His eyes got big and round, “Really?”

This was when he resolved that he could do it too.

My wife and I had great hopes when we dropped him off on Thursday but the fates weren’t going to be kind that day. We dropped him off and discussed the plan with the program manager. She claimed to understand his fears and told us that she would design Max’s training so that he would do ten percent of the work and his volunteer would do the rest.

When we picked him up we were informed that he had done absolutely nothing that day. As a result they didn’t allow him to ride the horses.

We asked Max what it was all about; especially since he had had big plans to start working and get over his fears. He gave us a list of complaints:

• His volunteer ignores him.

• She refuses to help him when he is confused on how to do something.

• On Wednesday she apparently tried to force him to ride standing up in the saddle with his arms outstretched. When he expressed his fear of doing that she tried to drag him to the horse.

• She informed him on Thursday that he would be required to clean the horse’s hooves. This entails standing beside and against the horse while facing its tail. You then bend over, pick up the hoof, and use a pick to dig out dirt and muck from around the shoes. When he told her he was afraid to do it because the horse might kick him, her answer was “too bad you are doing it”.

When we complained the head of the program told us, “Max is lazy and really doesn’t want to be here.”

“Um, not after the way he has been treated by your volunteer. Work has never bothered him. He loves horses and loves to ride them. It was his choice to come here. It was also his choice to keep coming back.”

Of course, the volunteer denied that any of his complaints were true. Because she was the “adult” the farm decided Max was lying. Funny thing is he hasn’t really learned how to lie yet. Any attempts he has made in the past never worked out for him so no matter what the situation he tells the truth.

Certainly he is a child and everyone’s actions may have seemed much worse to him than to the adults around him. So perhaps they were both right. But at the same time I got the strong feeling that both the volunteer and the program manager did not like him. They didn’t have any problems expressing their dislike either.

The results left him in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Nothing went right for him. And in the end, after the upset he refused to go back on Friday. We called the farm and told them Max had decided not to go back at all and they were welcome to find another child to fill his position.

Funny thing is the next Monday morning we received a call from them, “Where’s Max?”

“He’s not coming.”

“Is he going to be here the rest of the week?”

“This was discussed last Friday.”

“I know all about the discussion but if he is not coming back we have to fill his slot.”

“Hmm, since you know all about it then you already know he isn’t going to be there this week.”

I’m not really trying to point fingers. I just want to express some of the difficulties Max had last week. We will be looking for another horse farm that might be able to help him through his fears.

My son has two friends, a brother and sister. The boy is a year older than Max, who is 9. The girl is a year younger.

They are the greatest kids. Both really like to play with Max and truth be told I think the girl has a bit of a crush on him.

If they are around they will come over and play for hours. We never had to worry about them until the day that they were climbing a tree in back and the girl fell off. I heard the scream and ran out in my stocking feet to find her on the ground; tears streaming down her face.

I walked her home; I was still in my socks and she was still sobbing. I left the boys playing in the yard. I talked to her Mom who checked her out and found nothing wrong.

This was about a year ago and both still come over when they are available.

It is good for Max since he has a lot of anxieties. He finds it very difficult to go up to any friend’s door and ring the bell to find out if they are home. He always insists that either my wife or I walk him over and either stand close while he knocks; or knock ourselves.

For sometime I have been trying to get him to handle it himself without having a parent hovering. When I go with him I hang back at the end of the driveway or a house or two away and insist he handle it himself. When we go to the two sisters that live close to us I have told him that girls don’t like to see a boy’s parents around when he comes knocking at the door.

“But they aren’t my girlfriends!”

“Doesn’t matter.”

That hasn’t worked too well.

I’ve since discovered that he is not worried about ringing the doorbell. His problem is that he is afraid he is going to hear the word “No”.

“No, Billie is not at home.”

“No, Janie can’t come out right now. Maybe after dinner.”

“No, Jack is too tired.”

When this happens he will say good bye. But he holds himself together until he is out of sight and then he will run home crying.

Rejection is a tough thing for him.

Since I discovered this I am not so insistent that he be by himself. However, I have to find out how to help him through his rejection problem.

But back to the brother and sister; he has always had this same issue going to see them. At least with his other friends he will stay and play after sending us home. That is, he doesn’t need us there to watch him play. It is different at this house. If they can’t come home with us but want him to stay he insists that we stay with him.

I have told him I won’t hang around just to watch three kids play. If I don’t, he goes home leaving them watching him sadly from their driveway.

I never understood why until my wife discovered the reason. It is their parents. They seem very nice. I enjoy talking to them. Max’s problems arise after we are gone. Apparently when they are home during the day they always have a beer bottle in their hands. I don’t know if they drink enough to be called alcoholics though I haven’t seen any of it.

If that wasn’t enough if the girl does something inappropriate Mom calls her a “F*&^%*&^ B%^&$”. And she has no problem calling the boy an “A$$^#^&*”.

I don’t believe that they have said or done anything to Max but he feels very uncomfortable being there. My wife doesn’t think he is afraid that they will do the same to him; just that he is worried about the whole environment. His own parents don’t drink and they never swear at him. I don’t think he understands other parents doing that to their kids.

Every day there seems to be something new that opens my eyes to my son’s issues. It’s not always the children with disorders that have problems. Sometimes the ‘normal” kids have it rough too.

It is Friday and Max is out of school.  This coming Sunday is Easter and today is the start of Easter weekend.  There is so much to do the next 3 days I will probably be sleeping on Monday.  Why is so much planned?  It is because my 8 year old son Max needs a lot of structure.  Because of his bipolar disorder, ADHD, asperger’s, and anxiety an unstructured day is very upsetting to him and he acts out in undesirable ways.  One of the reasons he does well in school is because it is so structured; he knows what to expect.

My wife and I are not structured people; we’ve always been very laid back, taking things as they come.  We are slowly learning how to plan so that all of us will feel comfortable on the days Max is out of school.

Our weekend basically started Thursday night.  The first thing we did was to got to a friend’s house so Max could play with his sons.  The 4 of them played tag in the front yard and because there was so much rain this past week the ground was muddy; there was a lot of slipping and sliding.  By the time he got back into the car he was caked with it.  You know it was shower time when he got home.

After he went to bed I was off to the store to buy some eggs.  Max will be coloring them for Easter with his mentor on Friday.  When I got back my wife hardboiled them, dried them off, and stored them in the refrigerator for the big day.

Since it was his day off today you would think he would sleep for awhile but no…he was up at 6:30 ready to go.  But at the same time he was wild and angry.  We don’t know where this came from but everything was setting him off.  All I could hear was screaming and swearing.  My wife was getting very stressed out so I got dressed and took him out for a walk.

We were on the road for an hour and you could actually see his anger and stress levels drop.  We walked through the old common which is a mixture of grass and trees.  I find that this always calms him down.  It helped enormously that for the first time in weeks we were feeling the sun on our faces.  By the time we got back home he was visibly relaxed and calmly waited for his mentor.  Ordinarily he’d be very anxious, “When is she coming?”  “Where is she?”  Oh, whine!!!

She is now here and they are both sitting at the kitchen table coloring Max’s eggs.  It is funny listening to them; my office is right next door.  They set the eggs and coloring up.  Whoops, two are cracked.  Oh well, they are still going to dye them.  Then they forgot the vinegar for the coloring.  Now they are dipping the eggs.

Max keeps running into the office to let me know their progress.  The front of his tee shirt is wet from the water and color.  He then rockets back to his chair, bouncing on it as he dyes another egg.  And the whole time  he keeps up a running commentary about the project, what they are going to do afterwards, and about life in general.  Now he is the Easter bunny hopping up and down the hallways looking for carrots.

When he is done and we have completed a few errands we plan on moving some suitcases.  I’ve posted a few times about a friend of mine that runs a charity called Suitcases 4 Kids.  They collect donations of suitcases, backpacks, and duffel bags for foster and homeless kids.  They need to move several hundred into their self storage location.   We are expecting it to take an hour or an hour and a half to complete the job.

After that we will be seeing a movie; the Christian Film Festival is happening just down the street so we have quite a few to choose from.  That should take us to about 5 o’clock.  Hopefully we will be able to wind down by then.

We know what we plan on doing Saturday.  It always starts out the same way;  Max and I go out to breakfast with my father-in-law.  After that is a trip to Home Depot.  It is the first Saturday of the month and they always have wood working projects for the kids on these days.  Max loves building; this will keep him occupied for a half an hour.  He always wants to buy something but this isn’t going to happen unless I need something for any work at home.

After that I have some handyman work at one of my clients.  I’m going to bring Max with me so that he can make some money painting.  This will probably take about 3 hours.  He won’t last that long but her kids won’t be in school so he will be able to play with them until I am finished.

After that?  Maybe another movie.  And hopefully we have tired him out for yet another day.

Sunday we will go to church and then spend the afternoon at his aunt’s house for Easter dinner.

So there it is; this is our weekend.  It may seem quite ordinary but for us it can be difficult.  Since my wife and I are not used to planning we chafe at the schedule but we know that without it Max would be very anxious and miserable.  As a result his Mom and Dad would be miserable too.

It pays to plan ahead of time.

My 8 year old son Max gets a lot of services through the Department of Mental Health.  He is eligible for them because of his diagnoses.  These include bipolar disorder, adhd, pdd/nos, odd, ocd, high anxiety, and sensory integration issues.  Because we have been receiving all of these services we have been trying for months to get a meeting together to make sure that everyone is working towards the same goal.   That is, improving my son’s standard of living.

I just came from that meeting and it was interesting to say the least.  Before it happened we insisted that either my wife’s counselor, Max’s play therapist, or both be present otherwise it would be a waste of time for us.  When we arrived this morning both surprisingly were there especially since it didn’t look like their schedules would match.   Also there besides us 4 were our family therapist, Max’s mentor, their supervisor, and the caseworker who was leading the meeting.

Before we started the caseworker had to make the point that he didn’t know that the play therapist was going to be there.  Apparently it was going to change the dynamics of the whole meeting, whatever that meant.   The supervisor piped in that we were there to discuss why we were dissatisfied with their services.  My wife and I looked at each other in shock; we never said we didn’t like the services, we just wanted to make sure everyone had the same goals.  To that end we had wanted the play therapist involved since she works with Max directly.

Once we got this straightened out we could then start the meeting.  The play therapist talked about how Max has a major problem with limits and the word “No”; either can set him into a tirade that can be physical and/or verbal.  She says that when this happens she sees a totally different boy than the one she is used to dealing with.  When she starting working with him in October she thought that his parents were too lenient but she finds that today in August they are stronger and more consistent.  When he explodes he must spend time on the couch until he calms down.  If he gets violent Dad will hold him until he settles down.  She sees a lot of improvement.  She has been working with him on accepting boundaries.

The family therapist talked about how she originally had intended to work with the whole family but Max wanted all the attention on himself.  It made it very difficult, so at his parents’ request she started working directly with them to help them learn to communicate with each other and become more supportive.  She believes that there has been improvement.

Max’s mentor says she goes with the flow.  They do things that he likes to do such as basketball, bike riding, or swimming.  In the process she has been working with him to accept “No” as an answer.  She will say “no” to minor things; he will grumble and may ask a second time but that’s it.

My wife’s counselor talked about how she is worried about Max’s parents.  She would not only like to see them communicate more but they also need some rest; raising Max is exhausting.  Our caseworker jumped in at this point and thanked her for bringing him to the subject he most wanted to discuss.  This is “respite”.

For months we have been talking about getting rest for Mom and Dad on the weekends so we will be more able to take care of Max during the week.   It would also help our own relationship; as the therapist said we could start dating again.   This was a timely subject since my wife and I were actually falling asleep in the meeting.

Respite is kind of a sore subject.  It was first brought up in January when our caseworker mentioned a children’s home that has kids living there permanently.  On weekends it is available for families to drop their own kids off to give everyone a chance to relax.  It is a structured environment with programs that are not only fun but teach the children how to manage their behaviors.

My wife was excited; I told the caseworker at the time I didn’t like it but I would do it for her sake.  I didn’t want to be separated from Max; I felt that we should be doing things together on weekends, if not as a family, at least as father and son.  That’s the way it was when I was growing up.  He took that to mean I wouldn’t do it at all so the idea got shelved.  It came back up in May so we went for a tour of the facility.  It had a lot of things Max loves like a weight room, basketball court, and a bike track with bicycles.

When we first mentioned it to him Max was excited especially when we took him just to see it.  What made it better for him was that one of his friends lives there so he would have someone to play with.  He was all set to stay overnight but we decided that a few hours the first time might be better to ease him in to it.

He stayed 4 hours the first time but he wasn’t too thrilled with it.   When we arrived a counselor promised him bike riding but then couldn’t find a key to the bike shed.  He agreed to a second try the next week.  That day it was raining so he ended up spending 6 hours in front of a TV set; Max doesn’t like watching for more than 10 minutes at a time.  He was very quiet and subdued when he got home and very clingy.  We scheduled 1 more trip but cancelled at the last minute when Max refused to go.   This was in June and we haven’t tried since.

So the subject came up again today at the meeting.  They insisted forcefully that we try it again.  We insisted just as forcefully that we would not drag him kicking and screaming to the place.  We have gone through this before and yes, as they pointed out, it works out sometimes.  Going to his school was initially a disaster but he grew to love it.  But you know what, his first trip to the hospital was not pretty.  He didn’t get used to it and this is where his anxiety levels initially skyrocketed.  The home gave me a little bit of the same feeling; I can only guess how he felt.

Anyway, we’ve decided to try it again.  We are going to schedule an overnight this Friday night.  This time we won’t drive him; Friday afternoons he spends with his mentor so she will get him ready to go while they are on their outing.   The family therapist will meet them and drive him there.  She will stay for an hour or so to make sure he settles in.  On Saturday his mentor will visit him and see how things are going.  At the end of the day we’ll pick him up.

My wife and I have a lot of concerns but we are willing to try it; not only for ourselves but for Max as well.  The caseworker has promised to call the home to voice our concerns.  That is, that my son is not getting what he needs. If they are going to watch television all day let him do arts and crafts at the same time, this will settle him.   Take him to the gym, he needs muscle work to relax.  If it a sunny day take him outside, he needs the sun!

With that everyone at the meeting was satisfied that everything was accomplished.  It was adjourned and we all left for home.  But as I write this my concerns about respite are resurfacing.  I’m not coming up with reasons not to do it as the caseworker suggested.  I want this to work for both Max and my wife.  And no I don’t believe that Max will not be affected by this as he also suggested.  Today is Wednesday, Friday is the big day, I will take a wait and see attitude.   If it doesn’t work out I’ll be looking for something else.  If it does it will be great for all of us.

My boy Max decided Sunday morning to sell some of his extensive video tape collection.  There are a lot of them he will never watch again such as the Sesame Street ones.  At 8:30 he had set up 3 tray tables side by side at the edge of our driveway.   Behind them he placed a green deck chair.   On top he stacked 24 tapes with a can behind them to put the money collected.  On the front was a sign that read “$1 each”.  Down on the corner he put a large sign that said “Movie Sale.  Starts at 9:30.”  He originally was going to put “9:30-4:30″ but I knew he wouldn’t last that long.  I convinced him that if he just specified the start time he could quit whenever he was ready.  But he couldn’t sit alone.  The closer it got to 9:30 the higher his anxiety level got.  He needed someone sitting beside him; it wasn’t enough that I would be mowing the lawn near him.

He has been trying to get into sales for some time now.  Like other 8 year olds he has gone the lemonade route.  He has also tried selling some of his toys in a tent on the front lawn.   He graduated into sales from buying.   He will buy anything; just the thought of buying something makes his day.   The things he gets hold his interest for about 5 minutes after he gets out of the store.

We never minded buying him little things, a pencil or pen, a super ball, or even a balloon.  When he started wanting bigger things we tried redirecting him.  I didn’t mind so much getting him rakes, shovels, or hammers.  I mean, I can always use those things but it was really time to teach him about money.

He has learned that we are not going to buy, buy, buy.  If he wants something he is going to have to earn the money to get it.  But how is he going to do this?  Sure, when I am working in the yard he joins me because he knows there are certain things I will pay him for doing.  He gets $1 for every leaf bag he fills up, whether it is with leaves, lawn clippings, or branches.

Since there aren’t a lot of things he can do around the house he started looking for other ways to make money.  He loves yard sales; if he sees one he has to go to it.  Neighbors who have them tend to give him the things he likes or charge him a small amount for them.  He has tried different things to make money and today was time for the videos.

Max has a problem with anxiety.   He has been diagnosed with high anxiety; it appeared during his first hospital stay. Before this he could play in the backyard for hours; since then someone always has to be with him.  It didn’t help that when he became a cub scout he had to learn all about what to do if a stranger approaches.  He can’t even call his friends; his Mom has to do it.

At 9:30 at the start of the video sale Mom was on her way to church. Before she left she had to stop and show him how to set them up. Max had just stacked them up this way and that. People would have to sort through them to find anything they liked. She set them up in categories, displaying each to make them easier to find.

While she was doing this the first car drove by. It turned around and parked across the street. A couple got out and crossed over. As they looked at the tapes they asked if there were any “adult” tapes; I mean PG and R rated. We had to tell them there weren’t any; they were all children’s tapes. After they left Mom found some more mature tapes Max could sell as well.

He waited a long time for someone else to come by. There were a lot of people that slowed down to check out the tables but they kept going. Finally a neighbor stopped over. She couldn’t find anything she liked but she gave him a donation anyway. His first “sale”; Max was excited.

Then we waited and waited. As time went on the more disappointed he became. His visions of making lots of money were disappearing. I explained to him that he was getting good experience but there were some problems. First, we live on a quiet side street so it is difficult for people to know that we are even here. Second, it is Sunday morning; people generally either got to church or spend a relaxing time reading the paper. The best time to sell would be Saturday morning when everyone is out getting things done. Especially in the summer when they are looking for yard sales; traffic picks up quite a bit on our street then.

I went back and sat on the house steps behind him. There was a bush in front of me that partially obscured me from the street. We are only two houses down from the main road and as I watched in that direction I saw a noisy small nosiy green Toyota drive passed. A few moments later it turned into our street coming from the other direction. As it came in front of our driveway it slowed down. There were 3 young men in it. They started checking out the table as the driver put the car in park.

As they started out of the car the driver finally noticed me sitting on the steps. The others were still slamming their doors as he sped off down the street. Later I met another neighbor of mine and mentioned the car. He and his wife had been out walking. He said the car had passed him a couple of streets away. He remembered wondering what they were doing in our neighborhood; they seemed out of place.

To be honest, I haven’t understood Max’s anxiety until now. Sure I have my own but maybe it was because I am not part of it. I mean I can sit on the stairs and watch him do things. But it always seemed like there would be no reason to be anxious if I were with him. That has changed for me. I think about those young men and I wonder, did they want to steal Max’s videos or were they more interested in stealing Max? I now don’t have a problem being around if he is outside; I want to make sure he is okay.

Max finally packed everything up and went indoors. He has discovered selling is hard work; especially if there are no sales and you are very anxious the whole time. Maybe we’ll try again on Saturday.