Posts for category ‘Disorders’

It is Sunday; no school today. We had a very active and sometimes unhappy boy today though. As a result his Mom and Dad were totally exhausted by noon; and we still had a half a day to get through.

I’ve written a lot about how Max needs structure for things to run smoothly. Weekdays are great because he is in school which has a set program. He gets home around 3:30 but then he has counselors and mentors in to play with him. On the off days he may find a friend available to play with.

Weekends are always a problem since it is difficult to structure Saturday and Sunday for Max. This last Sunday nothing was set up so we were worried how it would go for him.

But the way things went you would think we had actually structured the day. This was Max’s schedule:

• 6 a.m.

My wife and I were startled awake by a scream and a jarring bounce on our bed. My son was awake and raring to go. We, of course, were groggy and not ready to roll out of bed. With a lot of prompting my wife struggled up to start the day. Fifteen minutes later he was after me to come into his room which I finally was able to do.

• 6 to 7 a.m.

We were subjected to a lot of screaming and cursing. Nothing was going right for him. Needless to say, there were a lot of time outs and more grumbling.

• 7 to 8 a.m.

Dad and son went down to the football field to toss and kick the ball around. I was not quite ready for this but Mom needed a little bit more sleep so off we went. We had a great time; he did all the running; he and I did all the throwing, kicking, and catching.

Several times Max asked me to dive for the ball but there was no way his old man was going to do something like that, especially that early in the morning.

• 8 to 9 a.m.

My wife and I realized that this would be a great time to take Max to get his blood tests. We called the hospital and they told us that since it was so early no one would be in the blood lab. Right now it is only available to patients but they would be able to fit him in.

But even though it was a great time it didn’t go without a lot of problems.

• 9 to 10 a.m.

Once we got home we finally had breakfast. My wife and I have been drinking these great fruit shakes. It is my job to make then. We sat and drank them along with some turkey bacon.

Max had a toaster waffle and watched a little bit of television.

• 10 to 10:30 a.m.

Now my son started screaming and whining again. What are we going to do until 12 o’clock? He knew that he had a playdate at that time but he was too anxious to wait.

• 10:30 to 11:30 a.m.

We put up with Max’s issues for awhile but then realized we would need snacks to take with us at noon. Dad and Max went shopping; we picked up a bag of veggie chips and a bag of red hot corn chips. But of course if Max had had his way we would have bought a lot more than that.

• 11:30 a.m. to 12 p.m.

There was more whining. Dad did his best to distract his son as Mom finished getting ready for the playdate.

• 12 to 4 p.m.

We met up with Max’s friend at the local pond. The boy was there with his brother and grandmother. My son met this boy in Cub Scouts. I’ve noticed that separately he and Max are both hyperactive. But together it was wild. Just watching them was exhausting.

• 4 p.m. to 7 p.m.

When the boys got tired of swimming we came home. Since it was still early we brought Max’s friend with us. Both boys showed up at the house still hyper. The first thing they did was ride bikes and later disappeared down to the football field to play.

The other boyfriend has ADHD like Max, and is very hyperactive too. Unlike my son he gets silly; we haven’t seen him angry. He is on meds though just like Max.

At one point he felt sick and wanted to go home but there was no one there to take care of him so we kept him longer. Very soon he was better and out skateboarding.

After he left my wife commented that it is wonderful to have playdates but we don’t think they should last 7 hours….

• 7 p.m. to 8 p.m.

We can’t forget that Monday is a school day so we wanted Max to have a shower before going to bed. But we would have had to hold him up and wash him ourselves because he was pretty close to sleep walking by then. We put him to bed and made sure he showered in the morning when he got up.

So this was our “unstructured” day. Originally we had only planned a two hour playdate but as you can see everything just fell into place to keep Max occupied all day.

It would be nice if every weekend day could be like this.

The beginning of last week end was a blast!

On Thursday Max and I went camping in the White Mountains. This started out as an experiment. Except for Cub Scout overnights my son and I have never gone away by ourselves. I wanted to see how we would handle any meltdown he might have in front of other people. He was great; nothing happened.

Friday we took the Cog Railway up Mount Washington. Our original plan was to just drive up, do the train, and then come home. We both decided that a 5 hour round trip drive would be just too much so we added the camping. Max and I had a lot of fun “riding the rails” and being on top of the mountain.

But then we came home. We walked in the door on Saturday morning…and all hell broke loose. The fun and good times were completely forgotten. Max snapped. Nothing we did was right. He was screaming and yelling. Several times he threatened to hit us.

He spent more time getting time outs and consequences for the rest of the weekend. We noticed that he was unhappy as well.

What prompted all of these?

• Maybe he doesn’t like end of the fun times.

• Or perhaps it is similar to the way a lot of kids with disorders go through school life. That is, they are able to keep things together during the day but once they get home they are in a safe environment where they can lose control.

• My wife believes that this is the same as when we go away whether for one day or several. Max is able to keep in control during the trip but then he needs that release time once he gets home.

But then Max and Dad are tired once we get home. For whatever reason we tend to be grumpy too. I know that my son reacts badly to my bad humor.

• Our doctor is convinced it is due to the food Max eats. He won’t touch any of the meals his Mom creates. It is not because they are terrible; they are in fact quite good. As a result he tends to eat both junk and fast foods on a regular basis which isn’t terribly healthy.

It could be any or all of these reasons. Or it could be something else.

But I think that whatever it is Max’s reactions are not the result of conscious thought. I believe that he is having such a good time he doesn’t realize that he is winding tighter and tighter like a spring. When he finds a safe place like home the catch on the spring lets lose and he loses control

Once that happens he doesn’t know how to stop his explosions. And the longer they go on the more escalated he gets.

One thing I do know is that he is very unhappy while this is going on. When the storm subsides he is very apologetic. He has also been known to cry, like this weekend…which is very rare for him. He thinks that he should never show tears.

By Sunday evening things were back to normal. Of course, it was bedtime and he was asleep almost immediately. Both my wife and I slept through several programs on the couch.

So it turned out to be an exciting weekend. The first part had a lot of ups. The second half was very down. We are hoping that the tools that his counselors are teaching him and changes in his diet will help level things off so that we can go away more often.

In the end we want him to be a happier kid.

Saturday July 3rd was a very exhausting day for my son Max. But it didn’t end early. It is part of the 4th of July weekend. What would this holiday be without fireworks? No matter how tired he was there was no way he would miss it.

Our town has a nice display every year. But because of the recession and cut backs in the town budget we sometimes miss one. This year everything was donated which was an awesome help.

We always have a choice where we want to watch them. We can sit in our back yard and get a perfect view; we are that close. There is also the option of sitting on a neighbor’s front yard down the street. They have a nice view too but in addition it always turns into a small party with everyone stopping by.

But the spot Max likes best is the school field where the fireworks are shot off. It is only a 5 minute walk from our house so it is an easy choice. And since we don’t have to drive, there are no parking or traffic problems for us.

Generally we grab a blanket and find a spot where we can lie back and watch the sky. There are always lots of people around us so it becomes a real community thing. But if we forget the bug spray we’re in trouble!! Too many mosquitoes this time of year.

This night turned out to be a little different than the rest however. I had been talking to a friend in town earlier in the evening. He and his boys were planning to go as usual but they generally sit on the other side of the field from the display area. He was wondering if he would be able to park this year because there were more people out than there have been in previous ones.

I suggested he park at my house and we would walk over. He thought that was a splendid idea and showed up at 8:30 with two of his boys. Max was ecstatic to have some friends to watch the fireworks with. But they couldn’t be happy with just walking down. The 3 boys pulled bikes and scooters out of the garage and met us over there.

When the adults got there we spread out the blanket; sprayed everyone with bug spray; and settled down to wait. But of course Max couldn’t just sit, he never does. He was up and about running and dancing around all the people that were arriving.

But now we were experiencing 3 boys: Max and his 2 friends. They all have the same issues: adhd, asperger’s, etc. All found it difficult to stay still. They were running and wrestling and causing general mayhem. We had to speak to them at least a thousand times but nothing worked. That is until the fireworks started; then they settled down.

In the mean time my buddy was trying to find his older two boys. They were supposed to be meeting us there but they hadn’t shown up. Even though we were just across the field neither of them could find us. He spent a good half hour on the phone with them before he gave up and told them to meet him at the back door of the school. Both have asperger’s just like their younger brothers; my friend fosters kids like this. After he left we didn’t see him again until the fireworks were over.

The end result is that my wife and I ended up shepherding Max and the 2 younger boys during the display. Luckily we only had to speak to them a couple of times after their Dad left. They were totally in awe over the show and just stared at the sky once it started.

When it was over we guided them back to our house. The traffic picked up and the boys were riding in and around the cars. We had to stop them and make them walk the bikes to the garage to keep them safe. All the while Max was getting even more hyper and it continued until my friend showed up to take the boys home.

And oh by the way; he didn’t find the older two. He just told them on the phone to meet him at a pizza shop near the school after he picked up the younger ones.

It was a long day. Max, his mom, and I were exhausted. We all dropped into bed and for the first time, as I’ve mentioned in several recent posts, my son slept really late the next morning. I like bringing it up so much because my wife and I were able to relax; wake up when we were ready; and do our morning routines without any issues. Hey, I could do with more of these!

The fireworks were great. It was nice having the boys with us but I think next year we will go with just one hyperactive kid. Or maybe not, it isn’t so different either way.

On Saturday during the Fourth of July weekend we got an invitation to a barbeque being held by one of my nieces on Sunday. This was great. I’ve talked about the structure my son Max needs to function. Sunday was a big hole for us. Certainly we had church in the morning but nothing was planned for the afternoon.

When Max discovered we were going he was extremely excited. He could barely contain himself as we drove up north. He likes my niece and her sister a lot but they are quite a bit older and have kids. My niece has an 8 year old son that Max enjoys playing with. My boy is 9.

He insisted on bringing his bicycle and scooter which we crammed into the back seat. This meant he had to sit cross legged for the 40 minute drive. He sat in back with them while my wife and I stayed up front.

Upon arrival he wasted no time in pulling out the bike and running over to meet his cousin’s son. They both disappeared down the street while my wife and I went in to greet the adults.

As I said Max needs structure to keep him balanced. We’ve done a pretty good job this weekend with the town festival on Friday; his road race and fireworks on Saturday; and now the barbeque. I think we started to feel good about our achievement. He hadn’t had too many meltdowns and he has behaved pretty well. But we started gloating too soon.

It started with the boys going their separate ways. Max sat in a chair just staring at the crowd while his cousin went to playing with the other younger kids. To be fair to him he was very tired. After his heavy duty Saturday he had actually slept to 8:30 Sunday morning. This is unimaginable for a kid that likes to be up by 5 or 6. Not only that, he didn’t wake up on his own. When the cat started howling at his bedroom door he struggled out of bed.

Not long afterwards a man and his wife sat next to him. Very nice people though initially I stereotyped him. He was a biker covered in tattoos. His head was shaved and he wore earrings. Max was fascinated; I was a little nervous. My son wanted to trade things with him like sunglasses, shoes, and knives. But the man calmly talked to him like an equal and parried all of his requests.

Several times we tried to steer Max away because my son was now pestering him over and over about the same things. But the man calmly told us not to worry about it he was enjoying talking to my son.

But Max was starting to get edgy because he wasn’t getting what he wanted. Later he played basketball with several of the men there and was having a blast. When they decided to quit he was very put out and begged them to continue. When it didn’t happen he was back in his chair badgering the man again.

It was now 5:30. We had been there for 3 hours but we knew it was almost time to leave. We called Max over and informed him that we would be going at 6 o’clock. And that’s when the you know what hit the fan. He tried to convince us to stay until 9 because the kids were going to shoot off fireworks. We were in New Hampshire; they are legal there. He wanted to stay with them.

My wife and I looked at each other and shook our heads. He was getting worse and worse. He was crying and saying some very vitriolic things to us. He ended up running off to the car and locking himself in. After we said our goodbyes we followed him.

As we got close we could hear him wailing and punching the seat. But once I had stowed our chairs into the trunk of the car he had calmed down enough to put his bike in as well. He was still pouting and stayed quiet and sullen as we headed home.

On the way I stopped at Home Depot which set him off once again. He just wanted to be home now. He kicked and screamed until he realized that I was still going in no matter what. He quieted down and followed me. He couldn’t miss this. It is, of course, one of his favorite stores.

By the time we had gotten what we needed he was back to his usual perky self. It was a good night after this though every once in awhile he would mention the fireworks he had missed.

It’s at times like this when any parent can feel totally drained. Even if they have handled the situation correctly it can still leave them shaken. Just imagine how a parent would feel who has a child with adhd, bipolar, asperger’s, or another disorder. Their child’s outburst can be one hundred times more powerful.

So many times my wife and I fall asleep on the couch soon after Max goes to bed. The plus side to all of this is that these explosions are getting less and less as time goes on. Max has been working with us, his play therapist, advocate, and mentor to channel this aggression into other areas so that he calms down much quicker and is much happier as a result.

He has a big incentive to work with us because he doesn’t like the explosions. He always feels bad once they are over.

But even though we, his parents, were beginning to be elated over how well the weekend was going we still needed to be on our guard to make sure Max stayed on balance. Without constant watch we weren’t prepared when he lost control.

But you know Mom and Dad slept well that night.

It has been really hot these last few days. It is only June for gosh sakes! I wonder what it is going to be like in July and August. We’ve been in the 90s. That is sweltering for the New England states!

My wife has been after me to finish putting in the air conditioners. I had installed the two smaller ones in the bedrooms about a month ago. I don’t have any problems lifting these.

But the big ones that go into the kitchen and office are massive. There was a time I could easily lift one of them but not anymore.

When I first met my wife just over 11 years ago I wanted to show off a little bit. Just like a guy I suppose. The first time was in the fall just after we met. She needed her air conditioner taken out of her bedroom window. Yeah, yeah, of course I can handle it.

I grabbed it and slowly opened the window. I hadn’t gotten too far when it slipped out of my hands. It fell backwards out of the window and crashed two stories down into the yard below. I whipped around and looked at my future wife. She said the shock on my face was priceless.

I ran down the stairs, out of the door, and around the house. There it was, crushed. Luckily no one had been there to get hurt. Across the street were several men building a brick wall. They had heard the crash. When I came out they started laughing and pointing at me. I just picked it up and moved it to the curb for trash. Then I sheepishly walked back into the house.

It didn’t seem to affect our blooming relationship but unfortunately her parents lived downstairs. After 10 years my father-in-law still hasn’t let me forget that day.

Late spring the following year I tried to be macho again. My future wife’s parents needed their air conditioner put in their living room window. Just like the last time I said of course I can do it.

I went into the basement to find it. I picked it up and carried it up their very narrow stairs. I had to twist some to make it work. I got it into the living room and placed it into the window.

This was fine and they were happy. But…the next day I couldn’t move! I had strained my back pretty badly. The next 12 weeks I worked with my wife’s chiropractor to get it back in shape.

Ever since that happened I have had to be careful lifting heavy objects. Luckily every spring and every fall there is someone available to help me out.

So to appease my wife I called a friend that lives on the other side of town. He is a big bear and very strong. Perhaps in a former life he was a weight lifter. He had removed the air conditioners last fall so I knew that it would take him only minutes to put them back in.

He told me he would be happy to do it but then, as is life, things kept getting in the way. He finally called me and asked if he could send his 15 year old son in to take care of them. He feels it is time that the boy gets a paying job. He thinks that this would be a good start for him; just to get used to working for money. In this case we would pay Donny five dollars which would actually come out of his father’s pocket.

This wasn’t a problem for me. As long as the boy could handle them he was welcome to install my air conditioners.

When I mentioned it to my wife she liked the idea but she commented that it might be tough for him to actually get a job because he has several disorders just like our son Max. His main one is reactive attachment disorder (RAD).  Children like this tend to react socially in inappropriate ways.

Because of this it can be difficult to hold on to a job for any length of time.

Even though Max doesn’t have this disorder we worry that because of his bipolar and asperger’s he might have problems too. But as for Donny, it’ll be great to have him move our air conditioners.

He arrived on Thursday afternoon; sweat was pouring off of him because it was so hot. I showed him what needed to be done then brought him into the basement. The first step was to tip them over. When we had that flood down there in the spring they ended up sitting in water. Luckily we found that both had drained and were completely dry.

The kid is like his dad. He lifted each of them like they were fluffy pillows. And then one at a time he carried them up and installed the first in the office and the second in the kitchen. Like his Dad, it only took a few minutes.

Before Donny left I thanked him profusely. After he was gone I called his Dad to let him know what a great job he had done. My friend was ecstatic and thanked me for allowing his son to do the job. Um, okay, not a problem.

My wife had been worried that they would smell terribly musty since they were in all of that water. Since I was home alone at the time I cleaned them and then turned them on full. Yes, they smelled badly alright! I opened all the doors and windows so hopefully the bad air would end up outside. I also sprayed the backs of them with deodorizer.

After about an hour neither one smelled musty anymore. Once my family got home there wasn’t a smell in the house and it was nice and cool.

So finally we had our little oasis in the middle of the hot weather.

But do you know what? It was too cool on Friday to even bother with any air conditioners. Better to enjoy the nice breezes anyway.

Today we had a meeting with DMH (Department of Mental Health) about Max.  This is a quarterly occurrence.  It is a time we can get all of his services understanding what everyone else is working on with my son.

The ideal situation is to have everyone present but today only a few were able to make it.  These included our DMH social worker, the family therapist, the parent therapist, Max’s child advocate, and my wife and I.

The subjects discussed were:

• The advocate’s treatment plan

She has two goals that she has been working on with Max:

1. The first one is to teach him coping skills to prevent physical and verbal escalations and have him utilize them 90% of the time by the end of the year.

She has instituted a “check in” sheet for him to use to help him identify his emotions and whether he should be using the coping skills.  He will also use these skills to prevent escalations.

We have noticed that he has already been using some when he thinks of it.

2. The second one is to have Max demonstrate appropriate physical and verbal boundaries 90% of the time by the end of the year.

She wants Max to record and demonstrate physical and verbal boundaries with others.  This includes walking in on them when they are using the bathroom.

We haven’t seen much improvement with these yet.

• YMCA

We requested that they look into funding Max’s membership at our local YMCA.  We have been members for years and he is there on a regular basis taking classes, swimming, playing basketball one-on-one in the gym, and working out in the exercise area.  We’ve come to a point we cannot afford the membership even with the discount they have offered us.

This would be appropriate for DMH because they have been very happy with Max’s improvement based on all of the time he spends there so they are going to look in to it.

• Other programs

We have been looking into other programs for Max to help him out.  We asked if the group knew anything about them.  The parent therapist mentioned that she had had a client go through one of them and came out vastly improved.  That sounded like a recommendation to me so I requested that our social worker follow up on it.

• Horseback riding

Last year Max spent two weeks at a farm taking care of and riding horses.  He absolutely loved it.  We asked if the program would cover it again this year.  Since they send a lot of kids to it every year they had no problem scheduling him for it.

• Evaluation issue

An issue arose when the social worker commented that she knows that Max has ADHD and Bipolar Disorder but she was not convinced he has PDD or Asperger’s.  Why didn’t she believe this?  Because some of the reports never mention it including the most recent report from his psychiatrist.

We pointed out that at Max’s first evaluation he was diagnosed with both.  This was done when he was 4.  The special school that he is in did another one just last year and came up with the same answer.  Even so, there was some discussion on whether he should have another formal one.  No decision was made about it today.

I think the meeting went very well.  The only disappointment I had was that Max’s play therapist was not available.  I feel everyone is out of the loop when it comes to knowing exactly what he is doing with my son.  I know that they play together when he is here but outside of that I don’t know what the goals and objectives are or what the status is.

The important thing is the Department of Mental Health is there to help kids.  They have been able to put Max into several programs that have been helping him.  We have seen a lot of improvement in him since he starting working with all of these people.

And it is nice to know that we aren’t doing it alone.

Max was very excited.  Today was his school’s yearly trip to Canobie Lake Park.  This is an amusement park located in New Hampshire. It’s not bad for me either.  I get to chaperone.  And since we both love the rides it promised to be a great day.

Oh, and did I mention that as a chaperone I get a huge discount on the ticket price?

There was an added bonus this year.  We got lunch too.  There is a barbeque area where they had hot dogs and hamburgers waiting for us.

Lunch started as soon as we arrived.  But even though I sat down to have a nice meal Max was way too excited.  He choked down a hot dog and left the bun.  He spent the rest of this period jumping up and down; urging me to hurry up so we could ride already!!!

First thing we did was to get a wrist band.  This is for special needs kids who have a major difficulty waiting in line to get on the rides.  It allows them to get on earlier.  This may sound unfair but trust me you don’t want to have several of these kids tantruming at the same time when they are waiting with you.

In fact, generally you won’t even notice that one of these children is getting on the ride you are waiting for.  They have to stand at the ride exit until an attendant lets them in.  Then they may have to wait a couple of turns before eventually being placed with someone who is sitting alone.

Today, however, was not really the best day for the wrist band.  It works very well when there are big crowds.  But today it was drizzling and cool.  Not too many people showed up so there wasn’t much of a wait anyway.

Once the band was on his wrist Max and I started enjoying ourselves.  Our first ride was a swing that goes around in a circle.  Imagine a merry-go-round.  But the swings are all single seats and are raised in the air before being whipped around in a circle.  Very cool…but too short.

Then Max got to drive for the first time on an antique car.  I sat in the back seat and watched how he pressed the gas peddle and used the steering wheel.  He was a little hyper so he was whipping the wheel from side to side and bouncing off the center track.  These are regular cars that are set to travel at 5 miles an hour.  The center track is a guide forcing you to stay on the course.  He loved being in control.

Then came my most favorite ride.  It is called the Yankee Cannonball.  It is one of those old wooden rollercoasters that, until just a few years ago, was the largest of its kind.  It was built in 1930 and is a very bumpy ride; not smooth like the newer ones.  Even though Max rode it several times today, this was my last ride.  You see, he found some friends to play with afterwards and just left me trailing behind.

I won’t continue with all the rides he went on except to say that there was one that he was kicked off of.  This was called the Star Blaster.  It is one of those rides where you sit in the seat and then get raised up very high in the air.  It then goes into freefall; you scream all the way down.  And then it bounces up and down until it stops.

For some reason he was allowed onto the ride.  They strapped him into the seat.  Then one attendant came along, determined that he was too small, and removed him.  Poor Max.  Not only was he being told he was too young but he was embarrassed because his friends had been sitting beside him.  This was the only ride that he wasn’t allowed on!

But this isn’t all about going to an amusement park and having fun.  It is about Max.  He kept getting more and more hyper.  My wife later commented that she thought the rides would calm him down like they usually do.  Nope!  He just kept getting wilder and wilder.  It got so bad I started considering taking him home early.

I didn’t have to worry however.  He found one ride, a large log flume that specializes in getting people soaking wet.  And I mean drenched!  It is great on a hot sunny day because it cools you down.  Then even though your clothes are dripping wet the sun dries them in no time.

Today it was a different story.  It was cool and drizzling so clothes never dried off.  A lot of people were going into restrooms and using the hand dryers to get rid of the water.

Max kept going on this one over and over again.  As he did he also got colder and wetter.  I had a towel with me that he had been using earlier in the park’s swimming pool.  I used it to wrap around him every time he got off.  The more he rode the quieter and less wild he got.  He didn’t get calmer, just more internalized.  I could tell because he starting staring off into space.

When he was riding I starting talking to a woman beside me.  Her daughter was sitting with Max on the flume.  She mentioned how we would never understand her daughter.  I smiled and described some of the ways my son acts and she became very excited.  She had found someone else that could understand what she goes through.

Too many people believe that we are bad parents that let our kids get away with bad behavior.  They don’t understand the issues surrounding disorders such as Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, and Asperger’s Syndrome.

While we talked Max and her daughter rode the flume almost 10 times.  At the end of it he requested that I wrap him very tightly with the towel and then guide him back to the car.  He was groggy and glassy eyed now.  He really wanted to stay but he realized that he wasn’t going to be able to continue.  I had to help him into the car and buckle him in.

By the time we got home he had settled down and was relaxed and happy.

He had his moments today but surprisingly he handled himself well.  When he was kicked off the ride he was upset and walked away.  Usually he will have a huge meltdown requiring us to remove him from public areas.

This was a day that he could have fun and not worry about being calm and in control.  And I had fun too…though I would have liked to have gone on more rides with him.  But hey, the summer is young.

Max was excited. After hearing his grandfather’s stories about building houses and doing small woodworking projects he has always wanted to be involved in something big.

We had stopped over to my brother’s house to find him rebuilding an old porch.

“Hey, Maxie, come on over and help me with this.”

Really? Max was overjoyed. He didn’t waste any time running over and grabbing onto the wood my brother was cutting.

This was something both had talked about for a long time. My son has wanted to spend some time with his uncle. Brad has always believed that he can turn Max around and get him off of the drugs. He once told me that he would like to take him away to Maine for a week; he would come back a changed boy.

I was all for the trip but I also knew what Brad didn’t. He would have his hands full with something he just doesn’t understand. He imagines that his nephew is a normal boy that just has lousy parents.

He has seen a little of Max’s temper but when this happens at a family gathering rather than just separate him from Brad’s kids my brother always believed we should have just taken him home. It didn’t matter that his children had instigated any of the problems.

This always reminded me of a friend of mine that has a daughter with Asperger’s. She is 18 years old now but when she was going through middle and high schools the kids would tease her or bully her for fun. But they would do it in a quiet way; that is, nothing was overt that the teachers would notice.

She would react badly, trying to defend herself. And guess what? She was the one sent to the principal’s office. She was the one suspended. And it was her parents fighting to right the injustices of the school system.

Don’t get me wrong, I know my wife and I aren’t perfect but we struggle every day to find new ways of help our son. You know what? We would rather he wasn’t on these drugs too, or at least cut way down.

But today I was going to see how Brad would react to Max. My boy started off very hyper because he was so excited about working with his uncle. He was holding the wood as it was cut but he wasn’t very steady. My brother had to speak to him several times.

Every time I would open my mouth to suggest Max listen to him Brad would tell me it was okay. He did his best to guide him through each thing that he wanted him to do.

After we had been there some time Max saw a spider. Now like a lot of kids, he doesn’t like them and is a little afraid of them too. He tried to kill it. Brad spoke to him. Max didn’t listen and kept trying to get it. My brother also kept trying to stop him but he was very hyper focused on what he was doing. He couldn’t hear anyone talking to him he just concentrated on bashing the spider.

When he met his goal he was ready to continue working. My brother took him aside and in a very quiet voice said to him, “Max, when a spider is in the house it is okay to get rid of him because he’s in the house. But if he is outside that is his world and he has a right to be there. You must leave him alone.”

I’m not sure Max understood this especially since I had to remind him a few days later when he was chasing a spider around our back yard.

It seemed like the longer we stayed the more he started to act out; the more he stopped listening. I think he was totally overwhelmed with accomplishing such a huge goal: being with my brother. But I could tell Brad was a little overwhelmed too. But I don’t think he was considering Max’s disorders in all of this. I think he was seeing my son’s actions as the failings of his parents.

Perhaps that is so but if he can suggest some better ways to improve these issues I want to hear them. I don’t want prove or disprove them. I want to help Max as much as I can.

During all of this Brad’s youngest daughter had been in the house playing on the computer. She came out to ask her Dad a question and “discovered” that her cousin was there. She wanted to play with him and now there was a conflict. Max wanted to stay outside and be around his uncle while they played. She just wanted to be inside.

I got to see some interaction between a “normal” child and one with disorders. Neither one wanted to compromise. I suggested ten minutes inside and the same outside. Max went in for 2 minutes and then insisted on going back out. She wasn’t having any of that. They were both frustrated.

But of course, as we were leaving she came outside and both started having a great time together. She actually begged me to stay but it was too late in the day and we had to get home.

I want to see more interactions between Max and his uncle and cousin. I want to see him spend more time with “normal” children. I have found that because he is with other kids with disorders so much his issues are always in his face. It bothers him because he wants to be “normal”.

The summer has started. Max will spend more time with Brad and his kids and this will be a good thing. The more he learns to play with other kids; the more he learns to listen to and interact with adults, the sooner he will be able to accomplish two other goals:

• Feeling “normal” and

• Going back to a normal school.

And this will be a great thing!

I’ve talked a lot about my son Max and how he has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. But I’ve been starting to wonder lately if I have some of the symptoms too.

Bipolar was once known as “manic-depression“.  Someone with this condition tends to have mood swings that run from being very “high” or manic to very “low” or depressed.

At a recent session my therapist suggested I explore this and write a post about it.

I’m not sure it is that bad. I think about my Multiple Sclerosis. It is very mild. In fact it is the “funny you don’t look sick” variety. If I had primary or secondary progressive I would probably be in a wheel chair right now.

Perhaps it is the same with this possible manic depression of mine. When I was with my therapist I talked about writing these posts. As I told him, some days I can write 4 or 5 at a time. But then on other days I moan and complain.

“Oh why can’t I write today?”

“I have soooo much to do.”

“I’ll never get anything done!”

A little whine here, and another one there, and I finally get some work done.

I had him laughing at this point and he thought maybe I should be a comedy writer. Hmm, I had never thought of that.

But back to the situation at hand.

Just like with my posts, some days I can plow through everything I need to get done. After which I am looking for more work. If any stressful situations arise like perhaps Max is having some terrible tantrums. I can take care of them very easily and everyone is happy.

But then on other days just trying to put one foot in front of the other is a major chore. I just want to lie down and sleep rather than make any kind of effort at all.

On days like this I get grumpy and I’ll snap at anyone that gets near. Max better not have any problems because I become very strict and stern and expect him to jump when I snap my fingers.

On those days Max will say, “Daddy, why are you talking to me in your Boston accent? I don’t like it when you do that.”

People from Boston please don’t be insulted to read this. I grew up there so it should be understandable I might have one. But I don’t think he really knows what that kind of accent sounds like. It is just a name that he has attached to the way I speak to him at this time.

But another thought occurred to me as I was writing the paragraph on Multiple Sclerosis. Maybe the high energy I feel is normal energy for most people. That is, what people feel every day is what I feel in spurts. Once I accomplish all the work with this energy I get totally wasted, tired, and lethargic. And this is what I see as my “depressed” phase.

There are other theories that may address this as well. For example, there is the idea that people that have a disorder such as ADHD or Bipolar may actually be throwbacks to an earlier time. When we were a hunter gatherer society, the gatherers worked every day doing the same thing over and over again. They developed energy to help them through their work.

The hunters on the other hand only needed energy when they were killing their prey. During “off times” or while walking through the forest they didn’t need energy so they didn’t have much. Energy was only required in spurts. Maybe I am a hunter.

Blood types are yet another possibility. The theory says that Type Os have a lot of energy, can eat just about anything, and can exercise enough to become body builders. Type As on the other hand can only do mild exercise and theoretically should be vegetarians. I am a Type A.

There are many possibilities. Which is the real one? Could even be something else. What ever it is I can keep my therapist laughing as I whine about not getting any work done.

Just like other children my son Max wants to have friends. But unlike other children it is not easy for him to make friends. He has Bipolar Disorder, ADD, and Asperger’s. The combination causes him to be very self-involved, explosive, and unable to have normal conversations.

My wife and I are constantly setting up play dates and then praying that they work out. When they don’t the other parents suddenly become unresponsive when we call.

Lately Max has been working with a play therapist to work through his issues. He has also been seeing a child advocate who is teaching him different social and anger management skills.

We have seen some progress with his anger. Sometimes now instead of throwing things and cursing, he will lock himself away in his toy room until he calms down. He has a long way to go but it is nice to see some improvement.

But one skill he has been working on caught us off guard one day. And I must say we were surprised and excited. My wife walked over with him to his friend’s house. They found the boy playing street hockey with another friend.

Max stood at the side watching them. He said “Hi” and they responded but continued to play.

He watched a little longer and then said to the other boy, “Hey, we were in kindergarten and baseball together. How are things?”

“OK” as he continued playing.

Later Max said, “Hey, when you guys are finished playing do you want to scooter around the neighborhood?”

His friend answered, “No, I have to go in for dinner when the game is over and Bill has to go home.”

Hmm, okay, Max continued to watch, “Hey, can I play?”

“No, we are almost finished.”

After another few minutes Max said, “Well, it was nice to see you guys, I’m going to head off now.”

The other boys just grunted and continued to play.

He left with my wife and as they turned a corner she said, “Max, I’m very proud of how you handled that situation. Give me a high 5!”

After slapping hands the two stopped at another house. The two girls there were at home playing and excited that he had come over. Max turned to his mother and said, “Mommy, you don’t have to stay. I’ll be home when I am done playing.”

My wife couldn’t wait to tell me what had happened when she got home. And it excited me to hear it. Even though the other boys’ social skills left a lot to be desired we can see that Max is able to use what he is learning from his Advocate. With practice he should be able to make more friends and perhaps lessen the number of phone calls his mother and I need to make.