Posts for category ‘Learning’

Thursday was too hot and humid for me. It was in the 90s with high humidity. This might be okay for the rest of the country but it is way too hot for New England.

On days like this I just swelter. I have multiple sclerosis. One of the symptoms is a problem with heat. On the one hand it can take a lot out of me but on the other I love hot showers and baths. I can stay in them for hours at a time. I’ve been known to fall asleep in the tub.

I also get cranky and have a difficult time listening to people without getting escalated.

My post is not about multiple sclerosis today however. It isn’t even about the heat. It is about what happened on Thursday.

These are the days that I have scheduled for doing handyman work for several of my clients. On that day I had to paint the inside of a woman’s porch. At the same time Max is home from school this week. He gets four days off between regular school and his summer program.

I decided to take him with me while I worked. I always remember the times my Dad used to take me to work with him. Since he had several jobs I could go with him after school and on weekends. We were together a lot and these were the best times!

I don’t have the opportunity to take Max with me because most of my work is at home. On the days I am doing pca or handyman work he is in school. But since he had a day off he came with me.

It is not the first time he has painted; he once helped me paint this woman’s back porch. He did a good job so I wasn’t too worried

On this day we were tackling the ceiling and the posts around the screens. The first thing I did was to start him on the bottom of one of the screens while I started prepping the ceiling.

I explained to him exactly what he needed to do and what to watch for. I also told him to take his time and be careful about getting paint on the floor. I had newspaper laid down and up against the boards so I assumed it would be okay. I mentioned that it should take more than five minutes to get it down. He generally likes to speed through any project he is working on.

I then started on the ceiling while keeping an eye on him.

Dads will agree with me that it is so nice to watch their sons tackle jobs like this. Not only do they learn skills to use when they get older but also when that day comes Dad will be able to just sit back and watch.

So that side of me was primed. But the other side of me was still very cranky. He proceeded to ignore my directions and do things his way. These included getting paint on the floor; arguing with me; getting disrespectful; and being disconnected. It seemed like his ADHD was in full swing.

The board he was painting took a half an hour but he only had the paint brush in his hand for four minutes. The rest of them he was doing the other things I mentioned.

As a result I wasn’t very respectful to him. I kept speaking to him sternly. He finally decided that he didn’t want to paint anymore. Another “DUH” moment! After being badgered so much he didn’t feel confident enough to continue painting.

My client ended up giving him some other chores to do but by this time he wasn’t very happy. He would start them and then give up.

I thought about it and realized Dad was doing well that day (please read sarcasm here). I brought him back to the porch and suggested he get up and use the roller to help me paint the ceiling. This was just what he had been waiting for all day and he spent quite a bit of time up there.

He was doing a decent job but Dad still couldn’t keep from snapping at him so he soon gave up.

After the job was finished we headed home. I thought about everything that happed as I drove along. As we pulled into the driveway I told Max he had one more task to do. I directed him to come to the driver’s side door. When he did I pulled him in and hugged him. I kissed him on top of his head and told him I loved him.

His response was a very gratified smile. After that he seemed to have forgotten what a tough day it had been. He couldn’t wait to get inside the house to tell Mom about the grand day he had painting the ceiling.

Whatever the reason for my crankiness; I don’t care if it was the heat, my multiple sclerosis, or Max’s ADHD that caused it. Here was a great father and son project that I couldn’t recognize. Hopefully I haven’t turned him off of painting after the day he had.

I have to start seeing when we are in father and son moments and work with that. I’m hoping that my hug and kiss was enough to get passed our tribulations that day.

And here’s to many more moments where I can pass on knowledge. Hopefully I can relax and just enjoy those times.

Max is 9 years old. He loves buying things. He doesn’t care what it is, just let him buy it.

“Max, where does the money come from to pay for all of this?”

“From you Daddy.”

“Do you think I am made of money?”

“Yes.”

Trying to curb this buying addiction my wife and I declared the month of May a “No Buy Month”. This meant that we wouldn’t buy toys, or games, or tools for Max. The only exception we made was for food. We didn’t even allow him to spend his own money. This didn’t stop him from asking constantly. But we were saying “No” a lot more often.

And then what happened on June 1?

“Buy it for me now!!”

He is not thrilled that my answer is still “No”. But we aren’t happy that his requests are back full force either.

We had been having a discussion about giving him an allowance but my wife and I hadn’t been able to agree on how we would do it. But we know that we have to stop putting it off and come up with a solution.

She believes that we should set an amount that he will get each week. So far I agree. The disagreement comes in the next step. She thinks he should automatically get the money no matter what.

On the other hand I believe that he should have chores to do each week. How many of them he actually does will determine how much of his allowance he will get for that week.

After that I think he should divide his money up into 3 portions. If he gets 10 dollars per week then:

• 4 dollars can be used for spending

• 4 dollars must be put into the bank

• 2 dollars should be given to charity

This way he will learn what things he will want to spend his money on; how to save money; and how to help others.

He just discovered how the son of a friend has been saving for 10 years and now has 6,000 dollars in the bank. The sound of that excites him.

As for buying things, we both agree he can use his spending money pretty much anyway he wants to.

Now that June has come around we have been able to compromise on part of it. Max will get half his allowance just for living in the house. The other half he will only get if he does his chores. We will be coming up with a list of perhaps 10 jobs out of which he can choose 5 to do each week.

He will get paid one dollar per chore. Doing all 5 chores will earn him 5 dollars. If he does only 3, he will get 3 dollars.

We are still debating on whether he can choose to do what he wants with his whole allowance or only a portion of it as I described above.

As a side note, if he does other chores with me like mowing the lawn he will get paid extra. If he damages some things like the walls in the house he will have to repair them. I may or may not pay him for the repairs; in some cases the work will be a consequence.

Max has to learn the value of money. Most parents give allowances to teach their kids how to use their money. Today is the start of a new era in our house as Max learns how to spend, save, and buy things that are important to him.