Posts for category ‘Schools’

Okay, so today is Monday.  I just got off the phone with Max’s teacher.

We have an issue but the school is trying to downplay it.  It might not sound very major to people but I think it does to a young child.

Basically what happened was that my son brought a box of fish fingers to have for lunch.  He is on a special diet and we had sent them in a gluten free batter.

Now he was only supposed to eat half of them and save the rest in the school refrigerator.

He didn’t understand that so he cooked them and only ate what he could; the rest he through away.

This happened on Thursday last week.  My wife made mention of it in the daily record that gets passed to and from school every day.

Apparently her comment was misunderstood.  Max was grilled about what happened and afterwards they concluded he was lying about the situation.

The result was he was placed on red!!

For those who don’t know what that is about some schools rate behavior with colors:

• green – safe
• yellow - some issues
• red - unsafe behavior

But wait a minute you might ask.  How is lying an unsafe behavior?

Good question.

It seems that unlike some of the other kids my son rarely or never does anything unsafe at school so they treat him differently.  For him, lying puts him in red territory.

To me this is funny…sad.  Max may have a lot of behaviors that aren’t so good but lying isn’t one of them.  It’s not that he doesn’t know what a lie is; he just likes telling the truth about everything.  Even things he shouldn’t.

So he was punished on Friday.

When he got home he was very angry.  Why did that happen?  Why had we called the school and gotten him punished?

He had no idea!

We called the school but it was closed for the weekend.  The teacher called us back this morning.  And oh, she said, it was just a misunderstanding.

“But you know that he had no idea what you were talking about?”  I asked her.

“He must have.  He admitted to lying about it.”

“I’m sorry but when Max is put on the spot and doesn’t even know what you are talking about he will tell you what he thinks you want to hear.”

She said she would talk to him about it and smooth things over.

I mentioned to my wife that he was now out of the running for the monthly prize.  All the kids that are on green for the whole month get to have a private lunch with the principal.  Because he has been on red forget about it.

My wife shrugged.  She said it’s not so bad; he doesn’t even care about the prize.  And he’ll forget about the punishment.

I’m not so sure.

I’ve heard the experts (therapists, doctors, well meaning parents) say things like “he’ll get over it” when something they consider minor happens.

Sometimes maybe and with some children but in a lot of cases I don’t believe it.

When I was growing up I spent a lot of time at my grandparents’ house.

One time their shower rod fell down and my granddad had to fix it.  I was blamed even though I had not been near it.  They claimed I had been swinging on it and that’s why it broke.

They weren’t generally like this so it was a shock that I was being blamed.  It hurt me very badly.  But guess what, everyone said I’d get over it.

I didn’t.

I ended up cutting back my time with them because it made me feel uncomfortable being there.

Same thing happened with my uncle.  I used to spend a lot of time at his house as well.  But then one day he blamed me for something that I had nothing to do with.  This man that I idolized ignored me for three days.

I was wounded.

I didn’t spend very much time with him after that either.

Well of course a lot of people will say that I was overly sensitive.

Perhaps I was.

But you never know what child is not going to just “get over it”!!

Will Max get over this punishment?

I don’t know.  I do know that there are a lot of things that he is keeping to himself that have hurt him over the years.

Parents, teachers, just well meaning people in general can hurt a child without knowing it.

I am becoming more aware of my actions around my son.  I can even see how other people’s actions can hurt him.

I think some actions may be unintentional and may be ignored by the kids but how you handle fixing these mistakes can affect them.

This was a misunderstood situation for Max.  How the teacher handles it could affect him adversely.

“Mrs Corr? This is Max’s van company. School starts tomorrow and we wanted to let you know that we will be picking him up at quarter of 8 in the morning.

“That won’t be enough time. School starts at 8:20 and it takes an hour to get there.”

“It will work. We’ve done an assessment and we know how long it will take.”

Funny, after 3 years of sending our kid to school on a van they still don’t believe we know what we are talking about. After 7:30 in the morning the traffic gets so bad that there is no way they can do it in less time. Hey, as it is when we drive down during a non-traffic time of day it will take us 40 minutes.

So on Max’s first day of school we were waiting at 7:30. He was so excited; he really missed being there.

At 7:35 it was: “Where’s the van?” “It’s on its way. It will be here in 10 minutes.”

At 7:40 it was: “Where’s the van?” “It’s on its way. It will be here in 5 minutes.”

At 7:45 it was the same thing.

At 7:50 it was the parents’ turn to ask: “Where’s the van?”

It actually showed at 8:00. Now we know that it isn’t going to get the kids to school on time that day. We talked to the driver and told her that just maybe she may want to pick them up a little earlier the next day. She agreed and informed us she still had 2 more to pick up before she headed off to school.

We got a call from the school at 9 o’clock to inform us the kids arrived safely…at 8:50; a half hour late.

True to her word though the driver showed up earlier the next day. She was out front at 7:30. We don’t know yet what time they got to school.

Max’s school started on September 1. Public schools don’t start until September 8. Traffic always becomes quite heavy after that. I can’t wait to see what time Max will be getting there then.

As my wife said the vans are required to get the kids there on time so this is their problem not ours.

But it bothers me too. I mean, as I mentioned earlier we have been doing this for 3 years. Every year we go through the same thing. A new van company gets the town contract and they have to be trained all over again by the parents.

We tell them one thing and they insist they know better than we do. They always try to do it differently. But in the end they find out we were right and they conform. Of course they don’t admit that we know what we are talking about. They call it their “learning process”.

It’s always the same. They don’t seem to understand that we parents are always thinking about our kids. And we have been doing it longer than the van companies.

I shouldn’t really complain. They are getting my son to school. Not only that, most, if not all, parents with special needs kids go through this. And it’s not just with the van companies. Every year a friend of mine ends up suing the town he lives in because they aren’t providing the services required by law to his daughter.

But really it is all a result of these different organizations trying to keep costs down while providing the best services they can. Add to that the dire straits our economy is in right now. I can really understand where they are coming from but even so it’s my kids or it’s your kid and we always want the best for them…don’t we?

So maybe the ride wasn’t that great but on the first and second day of school Max came home excited! Things are going great; he’s happy; he even has a new girlfriend.

So welcome back to school and no worries with the van company…

Today was the start of Max’s summer school program. He is not going because he is behind in his work; this is a regular program in this school to help their special needs kids through the transition from one grade to the next. By the time September and the start of school arrives they will have become comfortable in their next grade level. They will be ready to start learning next year’s work.

During the summer school work is mixed with field trips and play time. For example, on Mondays and Thursdays Max is scheduled to go swimming in the town pool.

It is great for the kids and it certainly is wonderful for us parents too. We don’t have to worry about finding daycare for the summer as we continue working at our jobs. Not only that but the program is flexible enough so if we go away for a week or more during the summer it won’t impact our kids’ school work.

But as every parent of a child with special needs knows nothing ever goes smoothly. Most of us know that we have to get an IEP (Individualized Education Program) either set up or renewed each year. This makes sure that our children get the required school services that they need.

Max is 9 years old but he has problems with his handwriting. It is very difficult for him to hold his pencil or pen properly to write even a little legibly. I know, some people have commented that he would make a good doctor. But as part of his IEP he gets two sessions of Occupational Therapy a week to work on writing. At the same time he is taking a typing course so that a lot of his work can be done on the computer.

Max’s school is pretty good at following the IEP requirements. A lot of schools whether consciously or unconsciously forget; parents have to keep track of what is going on so everything happens. Max’s typing didn’t start until the second half of the year when we complained it wasn’t happening.

But it is not just the IEP that parents have to watch. There are many other issues in a special needs child’s life that must be taken care of too.

Don’t get me wrong. I know that “normal” kids have issues that have to be watched but the ones with disabilities and disorders generally have even more things to worry about.

Another example is transportation. Max rides a van to school every day and it takes an hour to get there. Every year we have problems with the bus. Last September a new bus company had taken over the contract for our town. Their goal was to eliminate what they considered waste:

• They combined upper and lower grade students in single vans. There were two results from this:

1. The van was traveling between the children’s homes and two different schools. The younger kids, like Max, were always late for class and very late coming home at the end of the day.

2. The older children were teaching the younger ones things they didn’t need to know like smoking, profanity, and sex.

Along with one other parent we complained over and over again to the van company and our town school system. They finally listened and added a van to the route. And in fact they ended up subcontracting our earlier van company which already had everything established.

• We had campaigned the year before for a monitor on the bus. The young kids were swearing a lot and fighting with each other. This meant that every morning they had to start out in the time out room at school before they could join their classes. At the beginning of this school year the company cancelled the monitor and we had to fight for one yet again.

At the end of it all we had a van for the smaller kids and a monitor and things went smoothly.

But then the summer program started. This morning Max was waiting at his usual time for the van. It didn’t show. We got a call at 7:30 from his van company which informed us that their contract had ended. The company that subcontracted them had decided to do the route themselves.

This was a shock. We immediately called the new company to tell them the ride was late. They responded that several children had been slow getting ready so the driver had had to wait for them.

And, oh by the way, why hadn’t we been informed about the change? They told us every parent had been called. They even insisted that they had talked to us. Hmmm, interesting, it is only my wife and me and we didn’t get any calls.

The driver was a half hour late. No, there weren’t a lot of students that were late. There was only one child on the van. Now I can understand him being late because he is always the last one to be picked up. All these kids know what time they have to be ready and they always are. This boy was the first today.

Even if things went smoothly from here on out today we know that these kids would be late for school. I know Max hates to be late so he will be in a bad mood. On top of that he ended up sitting beside the one child he never gets along with on the van.

Not only that there wasn’t a monitor and the driver doesn’t speak English. We immediately called the company again and asked where the monitor was. They claimed our town didn’t authorize one for the summer. They also told us that this was the way things were going to work next year too.

Um, I don’t think so. They haven’t dealt with us or the other parents yet. We immediately called the town school department. The woman in charge was shocked that there wasn’t a monitor. She was going to take care of it when she got off the phone with us. Sometimes we get ignored after we get a promise like this so we will be after everyone to get things back to where they should be.

So just like with an IEP special needs parents have to keep track of the transportation constantly. Everyone should get to know not only the important contacts in the transportation companies but also the people to call in their children’s school.

If the kids are sent to special schools by their town school department then it is important to know whom to contact there too. Not only will these people be good for resolving issues but the head of the town school special needs department should probably be involved in the yearly IEP meeting as well.

So, Max’s van issues will be resolved, hopefully sooner than later. But parents always need to stay informed so they don’t unknowingly lose benefits that have been established for their children.

Today was commencement day at Max’s school. It had some very surprising elements. It’s not like we hadn’t been to any of them before. In fact we knew what to expect:

• First, parents and teachers are honored who helped to make sure everything went smoothly during the year. To her surprise, last year my wife was one of the honorees.

• Then, each student is congratulated for completing their current grade.

• And then the announcements and applause for the students that are moving on. Some of the 6th graders will go on to the school’s special needs middle school branch. All the others are generally absorbed into their towns’ regular school systems.

My wife and I figured that today would be no exception. And though that was the schedule, there were some differences.

The first one happened before Max even left. As he was going out to the van we mentioned we would see him in school that morning. He was very surprised, “Why are you coming to school today?”

“It is graduation day. We are coming to see everything that happens.”

He expressed surprise; he didn’t know that anything special was happening today. But he was glad that we were coming.

The first thing we did before we left was to call his mentor. She is generally scheduled to come on Fridays and spend a couple of hours with him. Today we knew that Max would probably want to come home with us; he does every year. She had no problem moving her time from 3:30 to 1 o’clock.

When we went to school everything went according to plan. There were the announcements. There were the presentations. There was all of the applause.

But then we noticed that most of Max’s class was moving on, including his “girlfriend”. He knows this; he has been expecting it. He is currently in the 5th grade class even though he does 3rd and 4th grade work. He will be staying in the same grade next year too. So far he hasn’t had a problem with the kids leaving because most of the new ones moving in are from his old 3rd grade class. They are his friends too.

The big thing, we think, is that when he realizes his “girlfriend” won’t be travelling to school on his van with him anymore, there will be trouble. The two have been attached at the hip for 2 and a half years now. We don’t think he ever would have gotten on the van the first day if she hadn’t been on it. How is he going to react next week when the summer program starts and she isn’t there?

I sat in my chair and watched all of the kids. I know he loves this school but I also know that he would like to go back to a regular public school. I know one of the reasons why; it is because he doesn’t like to be reminded that he has ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, and Asperger’s Syndrome. But I didn’t understand the depth of his unhappiness until I saw the kids again.

Each has problems. Some have a problem with noise so they constantly wear head phones. Others become so overwhelmed in a large setting like this that they run out of the room, or cry, or bury their heads in their laps. There were even some tantrums while we were there.

Max doesn’t like the idea that he could be like these kids.

I had another interesting thought while I was there this morning. Two things that studies show are that:

• The majority of kids with disorders are born to older parents.

Out of the 40 or so children who’s parents showed up only two couples were older than 30. All the rest were young; some of whom had their children when they were teenagers.

Now I know that this is only a very small sampling but it gives me hope that just because we are older doesn’t necessarily mean that my wife and I caused our son’s disorders.

• There are more boys than girls that are diagnosed with disorders.

That was certainly proven here today. Of maybe 50 children only 3 were girls (soon to be 2 now that Max’s “girlfriend” is leaving).

After the program was over there were refreshments and raffles. Of course Max wanted to enter; he always expects to win. But he never does and is always disappointed. That means tantrum. Once the room had pretty much cleared out children were allowed to draw tickets to find the raffle winners. When it came to Max’s turn he stuck his hand in and at the principal’s suggestion swirled the tickets to mix them up a bit.

Lo and behold when he finally pulled a ticket out it had…Max’s name on it. And no, he didn’t palm his ticket so he could win. He was ecstatic! He won the baseball basket. Among other things it contained two baseballs signed by several of the Red Sox team players, a frosty drink mug, and a World Series guide. He had to show them to everyone in the school that would listen.

At 11:30 it was time to leave. We expected Max to pack up his things and head for the car. But he was disappointed; he wanted to stay. This was another big surprise for us. As I said earlier he always wants to go home with us. Today was different. He asked if he could go home at the usual time on the bus. We didn’t have a problem with that and neither did his teacher even though only one other student in her class was staying.

We sighed with relief and headed home. This meant we had an extra 3 hours to get some work done before he showed up. As we left we had to call his mentor and ask her to change her time back to 3:30 since he wouldn’t be home earlier.

And one last thing, we noticed that his teacher is pregnant. Apparently she will be going out on maternity leave in November. I think we now need to have a plan. We don’t want another year of Max potentially losing his grade level. This was happening this year until we moved him from 3rd grade to 5th.

This coming Monday is the last day of regular school. Max will be off for 4 days before he starts the summer program. It is time to do some scheduling.

It is 7 in the morning; Max is just finishing up his homework. My wife checks it over to make sure there aren’t any problems before storing it away in his back pack. The van should be here in a few minutes and for all of that time he will be staring out the window incessantly asking,

“Where is the van?”

When does your child do her homework?

Most parents and “experts” seemed to be divided on when the best time children should do their homework. Some believe it should be done right after school. Others schedule it for after dinner. My own parents always insisted that once we finished eating we went to our rooms. When it was done we could watch television.

What I find interesting in the articles I’ve read is that a lot of them have surveys asking when children do their homework. And generally they have three options:

1. after school

2. after dinner

3. whenever the child wants to

There are other options. For example, as I mentioned above my son does it in the morning. He gets up early enough to shower, get dressed, and have breakfast. He then sits down to do his homework.

He generally has it completed by the time the van arrives. But if he doesn’t he will finish it off while riding to school. He has plenty of time; it is an hour ride. The other kids don’t bother him. There is a monitor on board to make sure nothing inappropriate happens.

Max has learned that if his homework isn’t done he will have to do it at the beginning of class. He then has to catch up. The school gives a certain number of points at the end of the day for behavior and class room work. He prides himself on getting all of his points. But he doesn’t get them all if he has to take the time in class to complete his homework.

Why does Max do it in the morning?

We learned long ago that early morning is the best time for him. At night he is unable to focus on anything long enough. He generally doesn’t watch television. If something is on that he likes he will sit through it until the first commercial but then he gets distracted and leaves the room. We don’t see him again until he wants to go to bed.

Recently he needed to complete two 75 word essays for Cub Scouts. Since he does his homework in the morning we tried to sit him down last night to get them done. We were actually able to get him to focus for about 50 words of one essay before he was curled up in a chair, eyes closed, slowly falling asleep.

As a result we weren’t able to finish them until this morning right after he completed his homework. And he did a great job.

For me the bottom line is if your child does their best work after school make sure that’s when they do it. If after dinner is better, do it then. Find out when the best time is for your child.

For Max, the best time is early morning. This is when he produces his best work. It is also the time that he can work his fastest and then move right onto the van. Since we monitor it closely, if his output deteriorates we will find another time that works better for him.

What homework time works for you or your children?

My wife and I have been recording the new show “Parenthood” each week and watching it on Sunday nights.  One of the children has Asperger’s Syndrome and because of his disability he was expelled from school.  The bottom line was that the school didn’t know how to manage a child like this and in fact didn’t want to.  As a result the boy’s parents spent most of the show trying to find another school that would take him.

But what was the infraction?  The child was being disturbed by the bubbling in the fish tank.  He asked the teacher to turn down the noise.  Rather than discuss the situation with him or even understand that this was a sensory issue for him she told him to stop talking and continue with his work.  But the bubbling continued and he became more and more agitated until he ripped his paper with his pencil.  He jumped out of his chair, ran to the fish tank, and started staring into it.  The teacher’s response was to keep insisting that he return to his desk.  We later discover he finally reached his limit and smashed the tank.

This really struck a chord with us as it probably did with many parents that have a child with bipolar disorder, aspergers, or another disorder.  Sadly, even though more and more children are being diagnosed, schools are finding themselves way behind getting the training required to work with them.  This boy’s teacher could not recognize the signs that he was in trouble; she tried to give standard responses to this out of the ordinary behavior.

My son Max was 6 years old when he was first suspended from school.  Just as with the boy in the television program it happened as a result of the teach not understanding the situation.

“Max, do as you’re told!”

“I will in a minute.”  Max was trying to finish up what he was doing.

“You will do it now!”  They attempted to remove what he was working on.  It tore.  He had a major meltdown where, they believed, they needed 5 teachers to hold him down.  When my wife got there she was angry with them.  At 5’4″ and 113 pounds she was still better able to take control of our son faster than the 5 teachers.  Even though they were wary about his reactions they finally released him into her control and she took him home.

Now, should Max have become that violent that all these people needed to be involved?  Depends on who you talk to.  Some people will say the disorders making him do this.  Others will say that he still needs to learn to control himself.  And still others will respond that he needs medication.

It since appears that all are right.  His disorders caused him to lose control but as we have learned since, changing his meds helped control his outbursts.  In the passed 2 years we and others have been working with him to help him channel his anger into more productive ways to resolve his issues.

But back to “Parenthood”, the child’s parents needed to find another school to take him in because once he was expelled the first one didn’t want anything more to do with him.  In our case Max was not expelled but he was suspended several times before the school decided it was time to find him someplace else.  To their credit they did not force us to do it on our own; they worked with us until we found a good special school for our son.  They are hoping at some time to have Max absorbed back into the town schools once he learns the skills he needs to manage his disorders.

In Max’s new school they understand who he is because they deal with other kids just like him every day.  He loves where he is now.  Each day they track his behavior and he takes pride in always being at his best.  In fact, he is very disappointed if he loses any of his points for that day.  He has had some issues in this school as he has had in others but we all take the days one at a time and help guide him to make better choices.

How about your children?  Have you had problems with their schools?  Have they been expelled or suspended?  How was it handled?  Are they now in special schools?

There is a real need for support for all of our children both in and out of school; not just for the kids that don’t have any problems.  Times are tough right now and many places are cutting back on their services; but these are our children, we need to make sure that all the tools are in place to take care of them.

Do you and your family move around a lot because of your job or because you are in the service?  Do your kids have issues such as Aspergers Syndrome or Bipolar Disorder?  In either case you have most likely found yourself pulling your kids out of one school and into another more often than you’d like to think about.  You have found not all schools and teachers are created equal.  Some are good and some are not so good.  You have to keep very close eye to make sure your children are keeping up to their grade level so they’ll be able to move on to college and into adult life.  This is the School Rollercoaster.

Most children have a set path.  They start in preschool or kindergarten, move through grade school, on into middle school, and finish with high school before going on to college.  They and their parents get to know the other families as they spend up to 14 years with them.  They know what is being taught at the school and where their kids are going.

But unlike them the children on the school rollercoaster can slip back sometimes unnoticed into lower grade levels based on what they are being taught in the different schools they attend.

My son Max is 8 years old.  Like other children his age he is in grade 3 this year.  Unlike the other kids his education has not only moved progressively but also regressively.  This has been a source of frustration for us because he is very smart.  And it is even more frustrating for him when he finds he is being taught things he learned years before.

Preschool was the second school he was in; he started in a special needs school to help him with his motor skills.  But preschool he loved; they played a lot and learned much more than how to count and say the alphabet.  They covered most of the things that other children learn in kindergarten.

Kindergarten was more progressive as well.  The teacher had been responsible for setting up programs for special needs kids in the district.  This was a good thing because when Max was 5 his disabilities became more pronounced.  She knew exactly what to do.  She brought my wife and I in to create an IEP (Individualized Education Program).  In those days we really knew nothing about them and she helped us through it.

She also believed in stretching the kids mentally.  Max was learning first grade work that year.  He knew how to add and subtract even before going into the next grade.  She was the first to point out to us how intelligent he is (as if we didn’t know).

We will always be grateful Max started his schooling with her.  Just the education alone would help him through the first grade; that year he was in 5 different schools, all with different ways of teaching:

• When he was promoted to the first grade we found that Max’s teacher had never taught before.  Not only that she had not received any special needs training.  The instruction he got was the exact same as in kindergarten.  He was 6 and that year he was diagnosed with adhd, bipolar disorder, pdd or aspergers (the diagnosis changes depending on the psychiatrist), odd, ocd, and whatever else they could think of.

• He became completely uncontrollable and by Christmas was in a hospital.  For the 8 days he was there they provided some form of education.  Considering what he experienced I’m surprised he got any teaching at all.

• When he came out his former school did not want to deal with him so they sent him to a special needs school about an hour away for evaluation.  During the testing they tried to determine how he would blend in with the other students.  His course of study was on a first and second grade level.

• During the evaluation phase he again entered a hospital.  For the next two weeks he became part of a one room school house type of environment.  The program covered classes on the first through fifth grade levels so Max learned whatever they gave him.

• When he left the hospital he found himself back in the special school.  They had determined that he should be moved up a grade level. So from April of that year through the following year when he was 7 he would be in grade 2.  The school followed the second grade curriculum.

Third grade was another step back for Max.  The teacher was yet another brand new one.  Like his first grade teacher this one had just graduated from school and she didn’t have any special needs experience.  We discovered that he was being taught all of the same things he learned back in second grade.  Not only was he repeating the grade but he wasn’t learning anything new.  The only good side was that the teacher realized that his reading abilities were beyond what she was teaching so he was placed in the fifth grade reading class.

We didn’t take this year lightly.  We knew that he would be far behind other kids his age if things didn’t change.  We discussed our concerns with the school principal and the guidance counselor.  The week before February school vacation they informed us that when he came back to school he would be starting fifth grade.  Why the big jump?  Because this teacher has a lot of years teaching experience and she has her masters degree in special education.  She teaches both the fourth and fifth grade levels so Max really wouldn’t be jumping two grades, only 1; and most important she has already knows Max from his fifth grade reading class.

This doesn’t mean he’ll be going into sixth grade next year.  He will continue with this teacher at least one more year.  But we will be able to breathe a little easier knowing that he is getting the education he needs.

The point of this story is that if we hadn’t kept track of what was happening Max would still be behind.  It is not enough to assume that the schools are going to provide the right education you have to make sure.  And lately if you’ve been watching the news you know that people that move around a lot or have special needs children are not the only ones that must stay alert; everyone has to.  Schools are now firing their teaching staffs for poor quality performance.  It started in Rhode Island and will be moving across the country.  Just yesterday the government announced that it will be establishing countrywide educational standards.

Not just teachers but we, as parents, all need to make sure our kids are learning what they need to.

I haven’t even mentioned what the school rollercoaster does to our kids.  The constant moves have been tough enough on Max as it is; but he also keeps losing the teachers he really likes.  This has been very upsetting for him.  On the positive side this most recent move will not only bring his grade level back up but he loves his new teacher.

For kids like Max this might not be their last move but if we keep track of what is going on we can attempt to make the moves less traumatic for them and be sure they are progressing as they should.

Today we hit a milestone of sorts.  Max woke up this morning complaining of an upset stomach, sore throat, and headache.  My wife said that he felt very hot when he got out of bed.  However, he did get up, get dressed, and complete his homework; but he’s just not feeling well so today he is getting his first sick day home from school ever.

This is not the first day he has ever been out of school; he has spent time in the hospital for his bipolar disorder.  But at 8 years old he has never felt so sick physically to want to stay home.  He loves school so he must really feel bad; even when he is a little sick he insists on going. Though it will disrupt home life today it almost feels good that he is having a “normal” child illness.  After his homework this morning he curled up on the couch and watched the Olympic bobsledding recorded last night.

We don’t know how he got sick yet.  We’ve come up with several thoughts:

1. Max and I spent Saturday night at the Boston Museum of Science on a Cub Scout sleepover.  It turns out that several of the kids there had just gotten over illnesses the week before.

2. Just being at the museum and touching all of the things that other people have been touching could have caused this.  No telling how many people there were sick.

3. He woke up Sunday morning with a headache.  We just figured he hadn’t slept very well on the museum floor.

4. As part of the overnight, on Sunday morning we got to see a movie at their Omni theater.  The screen is built like a globe cut in half.  It is set up with stadium seating and it felt like we were only inches from the screen.  Not only that, the movie was very bright.  As a result on top of the headache he got an upset stomach.  After the movie he spent 20 minutes just lying down on a bench before asking to go home.

5. Last night Max and I went swimming at the YMCA.  He ended up swallowing a lot of chlorinated water.

These are just possibilities.  It could be any or all of them that have caused the problem.  Or even something else.  I was reading a Raising Bipolar post today about how some medications can cause stomachaches (among other things).

My wife and I will have to keep watching to see what happens.  For now Max is quiet.  He’s not running around getting into things.  He is not yelling or insisting on doing one (or more) projects.

This may not last very long.  Max does get sick but he gets over things quickly.  A 24 hour bug never lasts more than 12 hours.  Last fall he came home from school with all of the symptoms of H1N1; he got over it in a day.  We believe this was what he had because at the time several kids in his class and on his bus had it.  3 or 4 days later I got it and was down for 2 weeks.  This all happened before the flu shots became available.

So only time will tell on how long this lasts.

Just got back from my son’s “graduation”. As most parents know it is not a real graduation; kids now take part in these end of the school year celebrations as they get promoted to the next level. My son, Max, is now going into the third grade, and sixth grade reading. Yep, they tell me he is an excellent reader. Could have fooled me; he never cracks a book at home.

It was a nice ceremony which was held in the gym/auditorium/cafeteria; and lots of cakes for me to enjoy afterwards. Kids got their grade certificates and awards for different things. My little engineer got an award for all the awesome things he can make with paper, cardboard, staples, and duct tape. His teacher told us that just yesterday he made an electric guitar and amplifier for the band he and his classmates put together. He has it in his head that he is going to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) after high school.

This is a special school for kids like Max who have disorders such as bpd, odd, ocd, autism, etc. He gets picked up by a van that takes him to the school a hour away every day. Unlike regular schools these know how to handle him. In the local schools Max was always being suspended because he never could handle transitions well. He would have an outburst and four teachers would tackle him to hold him down. The same boy my 5’4″, 113 lbs disabled wife can settle down without all the extra artillery.

This school has a “quiet” room; kids that cannot control themselves spend time in there. In a year and a half Max has never been in that room. He does have bad days but he doesn’t ever want to spend time in there so he controls himself. Just today his teacher was telling us that she knows when he is angry with her because he will seethe but he won’t yell, scream, or get physical. She says she tells him that it is alright for him to be angry but she is proud of him for not expressing it. And as my wife says, he saves it until he gets home. We get the brunt of it.

Other kids have different issues and do spend time in that room; lots of it.

Then there are the kids that we can’t read. One little girl goes to school with Max on the same van. She seems very sweet. She calls me daddy and my wife mummy. She would love to spend time at our house and she is always hugging my wife. We don’t know what her issues are though she apparently doesn’t have parents and lives in a group home. My wife would adopt her in a minute but because she is disabled and Max has so many issues it would be difficult to take on another child.

And then there is Bobby, Max’s best friend. We haven’t figured out why he is there yet. He comes across as very easy going. Even when Max is having a melt down he will look at him and say “cut it out”; then one of two things happens. Max will either calm down or will accelerate. If he explodes Bobby doesn’t know what to do about it except ask to go home.

The boys love to play at our house. Bobby lives in an apartment complex for seniors that consists of just buildings and parking lots, no play areas. If Max goes there they spend all their time in the living room watching television. We dropped him off last night at dinnertime and he was calling us to come get him before we had even gotten home.

We are thinking that on top of everything else he might be claustrophobic. It is a small apartment and very dark. They keep the shades drawn and it smells of stale tobacco smoke. They can’t make any noise because they are the only kids in this huge apartment complex which is strictly for elderly folks. Generally there isn’t any supervision. Bobby’s mom works constantly and his stepdad just locks himself in his room and leaves the boys to their own devices, that is, the TV. At least at our house they can be outside and free.

So back at the graduation, there were lots of kids with a lot of disorders. I’ve heard complaints that some of these schools are spending so much time managing the disorders they really don’t have time to keep the kids up to their grade level. Parents definitely have to keep an eye on what is happening and make sure their kids are getting what they need. Max will be starting the MCAS training in third grade so we will be able to see if his school is keeping up.

But today all you could see were happy and excited children. It was a fun time and yes, dad ate a lot of those cakes. Don’t tell my wife!