Sunday was mom’s birthday.   I’m not gonna tell you how old she is; she’d kill me if I tried.   It started out a great day but we were afraid that it was going to rain later on.   We were hoping to get the party well on its way before that happened; it was held at my sister’s house.  My wife and Max left to make the 45 minute trip up into New Hampshire so that he could spend time with his cousins before everyone else showed up.

On weekends my mother goes to my other sister’s house to take care of her.  My sister and I both have multiple sclerosis.   Mine is the “funny you don’t look sick” kind.  My sister is bad and continues to get worse.   She is in a wheelchair and must have Personal Care Attendants or PCAs available to help her on a daily basis.  She cannot get out of bed, dress herself, bathe, or use the bathroom without help.  One of the things she loves the most is to be placed on her scooter so she can tool around town in good weather and see her friends.

She has several pcas that work with her during the week.  As I mentioned Mom takes care of her on weekends.   I am generally the “pca on call”.  This means that if she has doctor’s or chiropractor appointments I’m generally the one that helps her get there.   If she’s got a party to go to who’s she gonna call?

Today my job was to travel an hour south to pick up both my mom and my sister and then drive them in the reverse direction an hour and a half to the party.  I’m glad to do it; Sis was my best friend when we were kids.   I can still remember when she was in kindergarten coming home to spend time with her 3 year old brother who would be lonely waiting for her all day. Now we are in our 50s and I can now be there for her.

When I got to her place she and mom were in the bathroom getting ready to go.  Uh oh, she has a new wide screen HDTV; man I’d love to have that!  I sat down to play with it while I was waiting for them.  I didn’t get enough time with it; I was called to help get her onto her chair.

Getting her out of the bathroom is nice now that the state rebuilt the door so it is wide enough to get the wheelchair through.  There are other things they did too such as putting in a new tub, handrails all over the house, and for me something else.  When we were ready to go I pushed her out over the new small ramp onto the back deck and then down the new long ramp on the side of the house to the driveway.  It is so much nicer now than when I would have to position a chair in the house and one in the drive and then carry her up and down the stairs.

I’m also always learning the best ways to help her.  Every time I see her she has a new way to lift her out of the chair and put her into the car.  Today she directed me how to do it.  Like always I position the chair close to the car and then remove the foot rests.  The next step is to move in front of her and stand with my legs on each side of hers.  I then squat a little and reach around behind her to grab the belt she wears underneath her clothes.  On a count of 3 I stand straight up bringing her with me and hold her close.  I spin and lower her onto the car seat.

Now comes the tricky part.  When I set her down she always ends up lying down with her feet still on the driveway.  I have to slide my arm under her armpit and lift her to a seated position.  Today was a little easier because mom climbed into the driver’s side and helped lift her.  Once she was seated I swung her legs into the car and we positioned her so she was comfortable.  Then I put the seat belt on her and threw the wheelchair into the trunk.

Once we were on the road mom took a nap in the back seat and we chatted on about different things.   She and I are both website developers so we talked about things we were working on.  She has not yet seen my blog so we talked about that as well.  The point is that while we are driving we are family and friends having a good conversation.  She does not have to worry about all of her problems, which is a good thing!

When we got to our sister’s house there was a mad rush of kids because grandma and sis were here!   And after that it was time to reverse the procedure by putting her back on the chair and then getting her into the house.  This time my brother-in-law and I had to lift the chair over the steps and inside.  The final stop was out on the back deck.  She spent the afternoon watching the kids swimming in the pool or playing games like hide-n-seek and tag with me.  She loves relaxing and seeing all of this.

My duties were over for the day.   If she needed bathroom breaks our sister took care of it.  Everyone helps her; even the kids brought her hot dogs and burgers.  And I can’t forget mom; this is her day after all.   We sang and brought out the cake. My 8 year old boy gave her a birthday card and grandma laughed when she found a dollar in it, “to spend any way that she’d like.”

The party was still going strong when my wife, Max, and I left.  That seems to be always the case.  When he starts getting tired he can act out like all kids do but his disorders tend to make him worse.  We find it best when it reaches 7:30 at night to make a nice relaxed retreat before anything happens.

I didn’t forget my mother and sister.  My brother and his family had arrived after we did and he stepped up to take them home.  So mom was ecstatic, it was the best time she had had with her family in a long time especially since she hadn’t had to worry about my sister.  She does that enough anyway.  And my sister had a wonderful time.   She doesn’t get to see her nieces and nephews very often and she misses them and it is gratifying to her to find they miss her too.