“Why are you still wearing that thing?”
My wife was referring to the red band around my right wrist. My 8 year old, Max, and I had gone to Fall River, Massachusetts over the weekend. There they have a battleship museum. It consists of 3 ships and a submarine tied to the dock along with 2 PT boats, a WWII helicopter and plane, and a landing boat. Max’s Cub Scout pack had reserved Saturday night to actually sleep in one of the ships; the bands allowed us to stay after closing hours.
Many parents with children such as Max, that is, with bipolar disorder, adhd, pdd/nos, or another disorder will recognize this description. Max generally wakes up at 5 in the morning, 7 days a week. First thing he does is scream “Mummy, come in here!”
My wife dutifully climbs out of bed and joins him in his room. I stay in bed, not to get extra sleep because that never happens, but to stay out of the way. We have found that Max will stay much calmer if only 1 parent is present before 7 a.m. Some days his adhd kicks into higher gear and he runs screaming through the house, jumping on beds, and just being very exuberant. Other days he is belligerent, swearing at us for the smallest infraction. On rare occasions he may get physical which requires me to hop out of bed and hold him on the couch until he calms down. And then there are days when it is a combination of these.
He gets his medications soon after he gets up. We try to get some breakfast into him before that because we have learned that the meds kill his appetite. Once this task is completed we still have 20 minutes before he calms down and is ready to start the day. Between quarter of 7 and 7:30 he will get dressed, do his homework, and play outside until the van arrives. After that it’s back to bed for my wife and my day begins.
Do you know what I mean?
So my wife and I love days like last weekend. She gets to relax on Saturday and sleep in on Sunday morning. On this particular weekend after touring the ships and having dinner Max and his friends played on the battleship. This is the second year we’ve done this and I still get nervous. On a ship this size it is very easy to get lost. Max and I have stood on the deck in the evening with no one around and it still amazes me that there were 1500 scouts and parents on the ship with us…all below decks.
On a ship this size it is easy to get lost! In fact, on Sunday morning I helped a sobbing little boy I had never met find his dad. So I get nervous when Max disappears. Tonight however he wasn’t gone long; he wanted to play cards and have a snack in the mess hall. While he sat eating he put his head down on the table and started to doze off. I convinced him to go back to our ship to sleep. Surprise, he complied willingly.
In our sleeping quarters there were bunks stacked 3 high, 3 in a row, and 4 rows side by side. Max was on a top bunk and asleep by 9 p.m. I crawled into the bottom bunk to relax. The rest of the crew knocked off at 11 p.m. when Taps blew.
For me the morning was the amazing part. At 6 a.m. I heard a whispered “Daddy, can I get down?” No yelling this morning. I helped him down so he wouldn’t step on the boy sleeping on the second bunk. We went up on deck and enjoyed the early morning alone. There was no hyper activity or belligerence. It was warm and it started to lightly rain. The enjoyment didn’t last too long because reveille was blown at 6:30 and everyone was now up. Max found his friends and off they went again.
Sure, the missus was at home relaxing in bed but I got to wander around on a ship in a cove with my quiet subdued boy. This is a morning ritual I could really enjoy on a regular basis! And my wife wonders why I haven’t removed the red band yet?
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