I took my son Max to a baseball game at Fenway Park on Wednesday. It was the Red Sox against the Blue Jays. It was a big surprise my wife and I planned for him. He had never even seen the park let alone gone to a professional game there.

I hadn’t planned on going but someone offered me tickets and I knew it was something that Max had always wanted to do. And besides I hadn’t been to a game in 20 years.

We didn’t tell him about it until the morning of the game. His ADHD and anxiety gets him overexcited and he will spend days asking how soon we are going and then throw a tantrum when it doesn’t happen immediately. When we finally told him, he was screaming and yelling in excitement. But when it was time for school he went without a fuss and just talked about it when he got there without any problems.

I picked him up at school at 11 a.m. and then collected his cousin who went with us. For an added bonus we took the subway in which they loved enormously. On the way they did some train surfing. That is, they stood in the aisle facing the windows and took surfing stances without holding on to anything.

When they both saw the park their eyes nearly popped out of their heads. Neither one had ever seen it except on television and now they were here and about to see their team!

But then Max saw the vendors. I’ve talked about his buying addiction but you’ve got to understand, he saw hats, t-shirts, tiny baseball bats, $100 baseballs, and giant fingers. Every time he discovered something it was:

“Buy it Daddy”

“No”

“Oh – whine!!”

“Follow your cousin and let’s find our seats.”

In the end of each inning it was the same thing:

“Buy it Daddy”

“No”

“Oh – whine!!”

You’d think that it would be enough to see Fenway Park, the Red Sox, and his idols David Ortiz, Dustin Pedroia, Tim Wakefield, and Mike Lowell. But he couldn’t concentrate on them he had seen “golden stuff”.

It has gotten so bad my wife and I have declared a buying moratorium for 30 days. We will buy healthy food but not junk. And we won’t buy toys or anything else. Somehow we have to curb his addiction.

One of the slogans for keeping kids off drugs is “Just Say No!”. In this case “No” is not enough. And the sad thing is buying doesn’t satisfy him. He will be glad for 2 minutes that he got “his heart’s desire” but then something else always shows up.

Psychology Today has, what they call, “3 Proven Strategies for Stopping Overshopping“:

1. Identify your triggering emotions.

2. Discover your authentic needs.

3. Instead of shopping, tailor-make alternatives.

Great advice. I think Max could make good use of this as an adult. As a child with ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, Asperger’s Syndrome, and a lot of anxiety it might still work though it will be difficult to keep him focused. I have yet to find anything that is dedicated to helping a child. He has had a difficult time identifying reasons for his anger.

He thinks his authentic needs are the baseball, or t-shirt, or baseball cap.

And he is very good at making what he wants but this doesn’t take away the thrill of picking up an object in a store; then taking it to a cash register and handing over some money; and after that leaving with his “shiny new thing”.

Have other parents had any success with this?

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