My wife and I have been recording the new show “Parenthood” each week and watching it on Sunday nights.  One of the children has Asperger’s Syndrome and because of his disability he was expelled from school.  The bottom line was that the school didn’t know how to manage a child like this and in fact didn’t want to.  As a result the boy’s parents spent most of the show trying to find another school that would take him.

But what was the infraction?  The child was being disturbed by the bubbling in the fish tank.  He asked the teacher to turn down the noise.  Rather than discuss the situation with him or even understand that this was a sensory issue for him she told him to stop talking and continue with his work.  But the bubbling continued and he became more and more agitated until he ripped his paper with his pencil.  He jumped out of his chair, ran to the fish tank, and started staring into it.  The teacher’s response was to keep insisting that he return to his desk.  We later discover he finally reached his limit and smashed the tank.

This really struck a chord with us as it probably did with many parents that have a child with bipolar disorder, aspergers, or another disorder.  Sadly, even though more and more children are being diagnosed, schools are finding themselves way behind getting the training required to work with them.  This boy’s teacher could not recognize the signs that he was in trouble; she tried to give standard responses to this out of the ordinary behavior.

My son Max was 6 years old when he was first suspended from school.  Just as with the boy in the television program it happened as a result of the teach not understanding the situation.

“Max, do as you’re told!”

“I will in a minute.”  Max was trying to finish up what he was doing.

“You will do it now!”  They attempted to remove what he was working on.  It tore.  He had a major meltdown where, they believed, they needed 5 teachers to hold him down.  When my wife got there she was angry with them.  At 5’4″ and 113 pounds she was still better able to take control of our son faster than the 5 teachers.  Even though they were wary about his reactions they finally released him into her control and she took him home.

Now, should Max have become that violent that all these people needed to be involved?  Depends on who you talk to.  Some people will say the disorders making him do this.  Others will say that he still needs to learn to control himself.  And still others will respond that he needs medication.

It since appears that all are right.  His disorders caused him to lose control but as we have learned since, changing his meds helped control his outbursts.  In the passed 2 years we and others have been working with him to help him channel his anger into more productive ways to resolve his issues.

But back to “Parenthood”, the child’s parents needed to find another school to take him in because once he was expelled the first one didn’t want anything more to do with him.  In our case Max was not expelled but he was suspended several times before the school decided it was time to find him someplace else.  To their credit they did not force us to do it on our own; they worked with us until we found a good special school for our son.  They are hoping at some time to have Max absorbed back into the town schools once he learns the skills he needs to manage his disorders.

In Max’s new school they understand who he is because they deal with other kids just like him every day.  He loves where he is now.  Each day they track his behavior and he takes pride in always being at his best.  In fact, he is very disappointed if he loses any of his points for that day.  He has had some issues in this school as he has had in others but we all take the days one at a time and help guide him to make better choices.

How about your children?  Have you had problems with their schools?  Have they been expelled or suspended?  How was it handled?  Are they now in special schools?

There is a real need for support for all of our children both in and out of school; not just for the kids that don’t have any problems.  Times are tough right now and many places are cutting back on their services; but these are our children, we need to make sure that all the tools are in place to take care of them.