Posts tagged ‘ADHD’

I hit the floor hard! I was lying on my back staring at the ceiling. People came running from all directions. Max was looking down at me with a scared look on his face. He grabbed my hand and tried to pull me up.

“Let go of me and go sit down” I said quietly but with steel in my voice.

The second I said it I regretted it. Max let my hand go and disappeared. I slowly rolled over and got to my feet. I looked around and saw my son sitting curled up on a bench staring at the wall. His face was red and I realized he was trying to hold back his tears. He’s a big boy now, 9 years old! He didn’t want anyone to see him cry.

I immediately went over, sat down, and put my arms around him.

“Max, I’m sorry I reacted that way. Did you get hurt?” He shook his head “no”. “I’m fine too. Nothing bad happened.”

As I comforted him he slowly came back and we continued to play our game. What I didn’t tell him was that after that my back seized up. I have been alternating between wet heat, ice packs, and chiropractic visits to resolve the pain.

This all started a week and a half ago. My son and I went candlepin bowling. For anyone that doesn’t know, this a lot like the bowling most people know. However, instead of large balls and fat pins this game uses small balls and narrow pins.

Max had just finished his first two frames and then it was my turn. My first ball sailed down the alley and took out a few pins. I had just thrown my second ball and had taken a step back when I bumped into something. I knew instantly that my son had been behind me. As I went back I fell over him. When I hit the floor he was underneath me but he rolled out quickly and had turned to help me up.

Had he been sneaking up on me? No, he was just being Max. He was crossing from one side of the alley heading for the ball return. He didn’t even realize that he was so close to me.

He is an aspie kid who also is bipolar with adhd thrown in. He has what one aspie parent calls his “favorite tics”. When we go bowling he has two; both happen when he is waiting for his turn.

• In the first one he stands at the return station waiting for the balls. He will then either line them up or start placing them on the ball rack underneath. Sometimes he is just waiting for the ball he assumes he just threw so he can use it again.

• The second one happens when he is waiting for the balls to be reset. He lies down on the floor and inches along like a worm. He crisscrosses the alley until I let him know either that he can start rolling his next frame or that it is my turn.

People laugh. They think it is funny that a 9 year old boy would be doing these things. When he first started doing them I would get embarrassed and would threaten to leave if he didn’t stop. But he never did and I would just continue on bowling through my damaged ego.

My attitude stopped one day when a buddy of mine and his kids went bowling with us. When Max started sliding across the floor I was embarrassed as usual especially since my friend was watching. As I went to speak to my son my buddy said simply “it’s okay. It’s what he needs right now.”

It dawned on me that he was right. I thought back on other things Max does that people scoff at that he needs. For example, he can sense when he needs deep pressure when he is tensing up. One thing he will do in these instances is pile all of our living room couch cushions (and we have a lot of them) on the floor. He then pushes in underneath them and stays until he settles down.

I realized that doing his “ticks” in public like sliding on the floor or playing with the ball return is fulfilling a need he has at that moment. Now when we go bowling and he starts being a worm I ignore it the best that I can. Sure people laugh. And yes I get embarrassed. But he is not hurting anyone and he is smart enough to be doing something that helps calm him down.

Or perhaps he is just having fun at that moment and isn’t that the point? I think that nowadays parents, especially me, try to mold their kids into something they envision for them instead of letting them be themselves. A lot of times our kids know what keeps them calm or what is fun for them. We should be just making sure they don’t hurt themselves while doing it.

And you know what? That second ball I threw just before I fell finished knocking all the pins down giving me a spare. Even though I couldn’t get back into form again Max and I still had a great night!

Catchy title huh? Why would anyone want to reinforce negative behaviors? Certainly not parents! We don’t want to raise our kids to be adults who have tantrums or scream or steal or any number of other bad things.

When I was writing my post on Modeling Behaviors I had been reading a lot of information on that topic. I came across something today about how parents knowingly or unknowingly reinforce behaviors in our kids that are inappropriate.

How do we do that?

You can probably guess one that a lot of people do. Their kid has been acting badly all day and they are exhausted. The kid now asks for something he really want and the parents refuse. But the child keeps asking. Constantly. Over and over again. Now he is having a tantrum.

To stop all of the noise the parents give in. The child has learned a huge lesson: to get what he wants he only needs to have a meltdown.

I don’t know how many times my wife and I used to see these actions as being part of his adhd or his bipolar disorder or his asperger’s syndrome and just let things go. We would end up giving him what he wanted. But this only made him happy for a few minutes before he would find something else he wanted and the cycle would start all over again.

And you know, I can’t say that he was even happy for that short amount of time. It always seems that he is not happy unless he is unhappy…however that works.

But there is more to it than just that. What happens when a child misbehaves? She gets her parents’ attention! Every time we lose our temper, yell, or lecture she has won!

Yes she has.

It happens so often in my family. Max will begin doing inappropriate things and will be oblivious to our reactions until we scream. Then it is “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” and he has the expectation that everything will be fine.

It doesn’t matter if the attention is good or bad it is now focused on him. He has learned how to “push his parents’ buttons”. What is going to happen when he grows up? He will probably continue to use these methods to either get his way or get the attention he craves.

We all, as parents, have to decide whether we want our children to learn good techniques to use when they grow up or continue to use inappropriate ways to interact with other people.

If we decide that we want these kids to be good and moral adults then we have to “practice what we preach”. That is, stop the swearing, the yelling, and the tantrums. Not only do our children see it is okay to do these things because their parents do it but they also get all the attention they want.

Oh, and about that attention. Why are we giving them all of this when they are doing bad things? They know what they are doing is wrong; we don’t need to spend 15 minutes or more explaining it. Tell them what you expect of them and then go away.

This serves a two-fold purpose:

• It lets the kids know that they must stop what they are doing.

• It doesn’t give them all of the attention they are looking for.

If they need attention give it to them for better reasons. Recognize them for a job well done.

“Great job taking out the trash.”

“I love how you straightened up your toy room. What do you say we play a game now?”

“Hey, you kids are playing really well together. Let’s go for an ice cream.”

There are a lot of ways we can give them good attention. You probably give them some already but do you find that they receive more bad attention then good? Turn it around.

And I’ll bet you that the more good attention they receive there will be less need for the bad. They will find that they are much happier without all of the yelling, swearing, and tantrums.

What do you think?

It is now the middle of the summer. What would it be for a nine year old boy if he didn’t have his first job? Max was approached by our next door neighbors to see if he would be willing to water their plants and vegetable garden while they were away.

His answer? “Well, duh!”

Not really, he said he was interested.

“How much would you like to be paid?”

“Ummm, $2.00″

“Okay, we were thinking of paying you $2.00 per day. That would be $20.00. Would that work?”

“Yes, Yes!” And the deal was set.

The job was not a surprise to me. They had come over originally and asked me if it would be okay to hire him. I thought it was a great plan. It is time that he started learning about working and paying jobs.

Just before they left they dropped off a map of their yard and a schedule. Hmm, more complicated than I thought. But really, the first part was simple: use the sprinkler on one section of their lawn every other day. That’s easy enough.

On the other days the vegetable garden gets soaked three times; each flower bed in the front, back, and side yards get watered twice and the 3 potted plants get simple sprays.

Max was excited; he was now going to be earning money for doing work in the neighborhood. He is already planning to open a landscaping company…when he is ten years old. The new company will water plants and trim lawn edges.

The first day was easy; all he had to do was set up the sprinkler on one section of lawn and let it run for twenty minutes. Instead of going off to play he stayed and danced through the water. You can bet Mom made a rule that from now on he had to wear a bathing suit when doing this job.

The next day was not very difficult but it was very boring to a nine year old boy. He had to soak seven separate gardens in the yard by hand. When completed he had to do it all over again a second time. The vegetable garden actually got three separate soakings. But he managed very well.

Day three was the sprinkler again so this went well. It was the following day when things really fell apart. This was soaking day again. He started out okay but it was late in the day and he was losing control.

It started with distraction. He became absorbed with changing the settings on the hose nozzle over and over again. He started with “mist” which was a very light spray and moved up through each until he got to “jet” which just pounded water out of the hose. This would have been okay if he hadn’t been pointing directly it at the vegetables at the time. Deep ruts started appearing in the ground and leaves were crushed.

I now had to guide him over to the plants but he couldn’t keep his mind on the job. He kept flipping the water over his head and at his mother. It all culminated in him dropping the hose and scrambling up the lone tree on the front lawn in the dark. While his Mom finished the watering I spent my time talking Max down and leading him around the yard in an attempt to settle him down.

Every once in awhile he would remember that he had a job to do. He would run over to Mom and wrest the hose from her hand and continue watering. But this wouldn’t last very long before he would be off in his head again.

On the plus side, by the time the day’s job was done he had calmed down and was ready to go on into bed.

These people have two driveways, one on the front of the house, and the other on the side. Two days later at Max’s watering time we discovered the front drive being paved. This meant that there would be no watering that day. And he had just done the back the night before so this was out.

The next night he was able to start over again but had to adjust the schedule to make sure the garden and plants got enough water. Then the side drive was completed and more planning had to be done. The paver knew that he was cutting into my son’s schedule and therefore was losing money. He hired Max to do a little paving with him. He paid him $2.00 per driveway covering any lost wages.

For the rest of the days Max watered everything and did his best to get on schedule. My neighbors arrived back last night so he hasn’t had time yet to settle up with them.

Except for the one day when his ADHD and Bipolar kicked in Max did an excellent job. But I think it also gave him a chance to start learning what it will be like in the real world when he gets older and needs to earn money.

Have you ever heard the phrase “The Honeymoon Period”?

A honeymoon is a trip or holiday that is taken by a couple that has just gotten married. The honeymoon period is the early harmonious time in their relationship.

The phrase can also be applied to other situations such as the first few months of a newly elected president. People generally give their new officials a lot of freedom in that period; then assess their performances at the end of that time. Then, as is often the case, discord results as it becomes apparent that their leaders cannot live up to expectations.

But it can also refer to changes in family life. Recently I have written several posts about the new House Rules we have been implementing in our home. My son Max was not thrilled initially with them; especially when they were posted on our living room wall.

But then he conformed to them. They went up on Monday. He was great Monday and all of Tuesday. Some of the rules required the loss of some of his allowance for infractions. He was okay with that. In fact if he thought we were too lenient he would take more money out himself.

But then Wednesday morning the “you know what” hit the fan. He woke up angry and attacked anyone and anything in his path. Before the school van arrived at 7:15 a.m. he had lost his whole allowance for this week from all of the hitting, swearing, screaming, and throwing things. The only thing that finally settled him down was the required time out. Because of all the problems it lasted twenty minutes. He also lost his current most favorite toy for the day.

Not only was that unexpected for him but the bigger shock was when next week’s allowance chart was posted and he started losing money from that as well. He has informed us that he will not follow the rules anymore. He blames them for the increased number of tantrums he has been having. And you know, he is probably right. He doesn’t like the idea of losing his freedom no matter how unhappy it makes him.

The “honeymoon period” is over. Monday and Tuesday he was testing the waters. On Wednesday was the beginning of the resistance. According to our counselors if we stick to it these problems should all be over in a week. I hesitate to mention it but it takes three to four weeks to break habits, no matter how bad they are.

At the same time we have to remember that Max has been diagnosed with:

• Bipolar Disorder – with the accompanying rages and explosive temper tantrums, and oppositional and aggressive behaviors.

• ADHD – including interruptions and intrusions on others; and not appearing to listen.

These issues may make it harder in the near term to enforce the rules.

So Wednesday was day one of the resistance. He battled us constantly. My wife and I were strong and consistently enforced the consequences.

By Friday morning Max had started to conform again; he has only lost twenty cents since Wednesday night. But he was unhappy. He has finally realized he is really losing money from his allowance. He has been telling us that it is too hard to follow the rules. We asked him why:

• Swearing is too much of a habit; he doesn’t know how to stop. We responded that he never swears in school. Not only that he has already been doing it less at home since we instituted the rules.

• He doesn’t understand the yelling and whining rule. I assume it is based on the fact that his parents still do it a little bit and he sees that.

• There are other rules he doesn’t get. These are obvious ones like disobeying and threatening. We think these are really delaying tactics. They are pretty straight forward.

Even though he has the disorders which may make the rules harder to enforce; just the fact that he is a child who hasn’t had a consistent set of rules will cause him to fight back.

At the same time, this is only the start. The rules were only defined on Monday; this is only Friday. He will learn them and he will eventually conform to them.

As long as we stay consistent.

It is Sunday; no school today. We had a very active and sometimes unhappy boy today though. As a result his Mom and Dad were totally exhausted by noon; and we still had a half a day to get through.

I’ve written a lot about how Max needs structure for things to run smoothly. Weekdays are great because he is in school which has a set program. He gets home around 3:30 but then he has counselors and mentors in to play with him. On the off days he may find a friend available to play with.

Weekends are always a problem since it is difficult to structure Saturday and Sunday for Max. This last Sunday nothing was set up so we were worried how it would go for him.

But the way things went you would think we had actually structured the day. This was Max’s schedule:

• 6 a.m.

My wife and I were startled awake by a scream and a jarring bounce on our bed. My son was awake and raring to go. We, of course, were groggy and not ready to roll out of bed. With a lot of prompting my wife struggled up to start the day. Fifteen minutes later he was after me to come into his room which I finally was able to do.

• 6 to 7 a.m.

We were subjected to a lot of screaming and cursing. Nothing was going right for him. Needless to say, there were a lot of time outs and more grumbling.

• 7 to 8 a.m.

Dad and son went down to the football field to toss and kick the ball around. I was not quite ready for this but Mom needed a little bit more sleep so off we went. We had a great time; he did all the running; he and I did all the throwing, kicking, and catching.

Several times Max asked me to dive for the ball but there was no way his old man was going to do something like that, especially that early in the morning.

• 8 to 9 a.m.

My wife and I realized that this would be a great time to take Max to get his blood tests. We called the hospital and they told us that since it was so early no one would be in the blood lab. Right now it is only available to patients but they would be able to fit him in.

But even though it was a great time it didn’t go without a lot of problems.

• 9 to 10 a.m.

Once we got home we finally had breakfast. My wife and I have been drinking these great fruit shakes. It is my job to make then. We sat and drank them along with some turkey bacon.

Max had a toaster waffle and watched a little bit of television.

• 10 to 10:30 a.m.

Now my son started screaming and whining again. What are we going to do until 12 o’clock? He knew that he had a playdate at that time but he was too anxious to wait.

• 10:30 to 11:30 a.m.

We put up with Max’s issues for awhile but then realized we would need snacks to take with us at noon. Dad and Max went shopping; we picked up a bag of veggie chips and a bag of red hot corn chips. But of course if Max had had his way we would have bought a lot more than that.

• 11:30 a.m. to 12 p.m.

There was more whining. Dad did his best to distract his son as Mom finished getting ready for the playdate.

• 12 to 4 p.m.

We met up with Max’s friend at the local pond. The boy was there with his brother and grandmother. My son met this boy in Cub Scouts. I’ve noticed that separately he and Max are both hyperactive. But together it was wild. Just watching them was exhausting.

• 4 p.m. to 7 p.m.

When the boys got tired of swimming we came home. Since it was still early we brought Max’s friend with us. Both boys showed up at the house still hyper. The first thing they did was ride bikes and later disappeared down to the football field to play.

The other boyfriend has ADHD like Max, and is very hyperactive too. Unlike my son he gets silly; we haven’t seen him angry. He is on meds though just like Max.

At one point he felt sick and wanted to go home but there was no one there to take care of him so we kept him longer. Very soon he was better and out skateboarding.

After he left my wife commented that it is wonderful to have playdates but we don’t think they should last 7 hours….

• 7 p.m. to 8 p.m.

We can’t forget that Monday is a school day so we wanted Max to have a shower before going to bed. But we would have had to hold him up and wash him ourselves because he was pretty close to sleep walking by then. We put him to bed and made sure he showered in the morning when he got up.

So this was our “unstructured” day. Originally we had only planned a two hour playdate but as you can see everything just fell into place to keep Max occupied all day.

It would be nice if every weekend day could be like this.

Saturday July 3rd was a very exhausting day for my son Max. But it didn’t end early. It is part of the 4th of July weekend. What would this holiday be without fireworks? No matter how tired he was there was no way he would miss it.

Our town has a nice display every year. But because of the recession and cut backs in the town budget we sometimes miss one. This year everything was donated which was an awesome help.

We always have a choice where we want to watch them. We can sit in our back yard and get a perfect view; we are that close. There is also the option of sitting on a neighbor’s front yard down the street. They have a nice view too but in addition it always turns into a small party with everyone stopping by.

But the spot Max likes best is the school field where the fireworks are shot off. It is only a 5 minute walk from our house so it is an easy choice. And since we don’t have to drive, there are no parking or traffic problems for us.

Generally we grab a blanket and find a spot where we can lie back and watch the sky. There are always lots of people around us so it becomes a real community thing. But if we forget the bug spray we’re in trouble!! Too many mosquitoes this time of year.

This night turned out to be a little different than the rest however. I had been talking to a friend in town earlier in the evening. He and his boys were planning to go as usual but they generally sit on the other side of the field from the display area. He was wondering if he would be able to park this year because there were more people out than there have been in previous ones.

I suggested he park at my house and we would walk over. He thought that was a splendid idea and showed up at 8:30 with two of his boys. Max was ecstatic to have some friends to watch the fireworks with. But they couldn’t be happy with just walking down. The 3 boys pulled bikes and scooters out of the garage and met us over there.

When the adults got there we spread out the blanket; sprayed everyone with bug spray; and settled down to wait. But of course Max couldn’t just sit, he never does. He was up and about running and dancing around all the people that were arriving.

But now we were experiencing 3 boys: Max and his 2 friends. They all have the same issues: adhd, asperger’s, etc. All found it difficult to stay still. They were running and wrestling and causing general mayhem. We had to speak to them at least a thousand times but nothing worked. That is until the fireworks started; then they settled down.

In the mean time my buddy was trying to find his older two boys. They were supposed to be meeting us there but they hadn’t shown up. Even though we were just across the field neither of them could find us. He spent a good half hour on the phone with them before he gave up and told them to meet him at the back door of the school. Both have asperger’s just like their younger brothers; my friend fosters kids like this. After he left we didn’t see him again until the fireworks were over.

The end result is that my wife and I ended up shepherding Max and the 2 younger boys during the display. Luckily we only had to speak to them a couple of times after their Dad left. They were totally in awe over the show and just stared at the sky once it started.

When it was over we guided them back to our house. The traffic picked up and the boys were riding in and around the cars. We had to stop them and make them walk the bikes to the garage to keep them safe. All the while Max was getting even more hyper and it continued until my friend showed up to take the boys home.

And oh by the way; he didn’t find the older two. He just told them on the phone to meet him at a pizza shop near the school after he picked up the younger ones.

It was a long day. Max, his mom, and I were exhausted. We all dropped into bed and for the first time, as I’ve mentioned in several recent posts, my son slept really late the next morning. I like bringing it up so much because my wife and I were able to relax; wake up when we were ready; and do our morning routines without any issues. Hey, I could do with more of these!

The fireworks were great. It was nice having the boys with us but I think next year we will go with just one hyperactive kid. Or maybe not, it isn’t so different either way.

On Saturday during the Fourth of July weekend we got an invitation to a barbeque being held by one of my nieces on Sunday. This was great. I’ve talked about the structure my son Max needs to function. Sunday was a big hole for us. Certainly we had church in the morning but nothing was planned for the afternoon.

When Max discovered we were going he was extremely excited. He could barely contain himself as we drove up north. He likes my niece and her sister a lot but they are quite a bit older and have kids. My niece has an 8 year old son that Max enjoys playing with. My boy is 9.

He insisted on bringing his bicycle and scooter which we crammed into the back seat. This meant he had to sit cross legged for the 40 minute drive. He sat in back with them while my wife and I stayed up front.

Upon arrival he wasted no time in pulling out the bike and running over to meet his cousin’s son. They both disappeared down the street while my wife and I went in to greet the adults.

As I said Max needs structure to keep him balanced. We’ve done a pretty good job this weekend with the town festival on Friday; his road race and fireworks on Saturday; and now the barbeque. I think we started to feel good about our achievement. He hadn’t had too many meltdowns and he has behaved pretty well. But we started gloating too soon.

It started with the boys going their separate ways. Max sat in a chair just staring at the crowd while his cousin went to playing with the other younger kids. To be fair to him he was very tired. After his heavy duty Saturday he had actually slept to 8:30 Sunday morning. This is unimaginable for a kid that likes to be up by 5 or 6. Not only that, he didn’t wake up on his own. When the cat started howling at his bedroom door he struggled out of bed.

Not long afterwards a man and his wife sat next to him. Very nice people though initially I stereotyped him. He was a biker covered in tattoos. His head was shaved and he wore earrings. Max was fascinated; I was a little nervous. My son wanted to trade things with him like sunglasses, shoes, and knives. But the man calmly talked to him like an equal and parried all of his requests.

Several times we tried to steer Max away because my son was now pestering him over and over about the same things. But the man calmly told us not to worry about it he was enjoying talking to my son.

But Max was starting to get edgy because he wasn’t getting what he wanted. Later he played basketball with several of the men there and was having a blast. When they decided to quit he was very put out and begged them to continue. When it didn’t happen he was back in his chair badgering the man again.

It was now 5:30. We had been there for 3 hours but we knew it was almost time to leave. We called Max over and informed him that we would be going at 6 o’clock. And that’s when the you know what hit the fan. He tried to convince us to stay until 9 because the kids were going to shoot off fireworks. We were in New Hampshire; they are legal there. He wanted to stay with them.

My wife and I looked at each other and shook our heads. He was getting worse and worse. He was crying and saying some very vitriolic things to us. He ended up running off to the car and locking himself in. After we said our goodbyes we followed him.

As we got close we could hear him wailing and punching the seat. But once I had stowed our chairs into the trunk of the car he had calmed down enough to put his bike in as well. He was still pouting and stayed quiet and sullen as we headed home.

On the way I stopped at Home Depot which set him off once again. He just wanted to be home now. He kicked and screamed until he realized that I was still going in no matter what. He quieted down and followed me. He couldn’t miss this. It is, of course, one of his favorite stores.

By the time we had gotten what we needed he was back to his usual perky self. It was a good night after this though every once in awhile he would mention the fireworks he had missed.

It’s at times like this when any parent can feel totally drained. Even if they have handled the situation correctly it can still leave them shaken. Just imagine how a parent would feel who has a child with adhd, bipolar, asperger’s, or another disorder. Their child’s outburst can be one hundred times more powerful.

So many times my wife and I fall asleep on the couch soon after Max goes to bed. The plus side to all of this is that these explosions are getting less and less as time goes on. Max has been working with us, his play therapist, advocate, and mentor to channel this aggression into other areas so that he calms down much quicker and is much happier as a result.

He has a big incentive to work with us because he doesn’t like the explosions. He always feels bad once they are over.

But even though we, his parents, were beginning to be elated over how well the weekend was going we still needed to be on our guard to make sure Max stayed on balance. Without constant watch we weren’t prepared when he lost control.

But you know Mom and Dad slept well that night.

The Fourth of July weekend was upon us. This was going to be the 29th year of the annual town road races. A week before Max had decided he was going to run the 5K race. That sounds exciting but when is he going to train?

You see, Max doesn’t run. He doesn’t like to. If he has to run he will do it in short spurts.

“Okay, I’m done,” and he will continue walking the rest of the way. He generally just relies on his bike or his scooter to get anywhere.

Last year he surprised us the night before when he said he was going to do the 2k race. We tried to talk him out of it because we didn’t think he would make it. We didn’t argue with him; we just told him our concerns. It didn’t matter, he ran anyway. And he did fantastic. It took him just over 10 minutes to finish the run. Talk about a proud Daddy!!

He thought he would do a 5k by the end of the summer but it didn’t happen.

This year we had a whole week to train. He decided I would be his coach. That’s great; the guy who doesn’t run. Okay, in 9th grade I planned on joining the high school track team. I started to train one day by running an eighth of a mile from a nearby elementary school to my house.

I made it but that was when I decided that this was not going to be my sport. I never ran again, or almost never. A couple of months ago I started trying to run along side Max when he was riding his bike just to keep up. That never lasted too long.

But okay, I am the coach. The race was on Saturday. On Monday we got up at 6 in the morning and walked over to a nearby quarter mile track. We ran around once; then walked half way around; then finished up running another half. We decided that was enough and headed home.

On the way back to the house we talked about the next practices. We would do two a day until Friday. We figured that Max would have to be able run 16 times around the track to be ready for the race.

But we didn’t count on Max’s spur of the moment plans he would have for the rest of the week. He was never available for another practice session. As it got closer to race time my wife and I hoped that he would change his mind and forget about running.

It didn’t work out that way however. On the morning of the race he was very excited and wanted to go immediately to the track. The only problem was that his race was at 6 that night and I wasn’t going to sit all day on the sidelines waiting. So, with a lot of grumbling, Max did his chores. We later went down to the town festival where he rode ponies, ate hot dogs and pizza, and wandered over to the race track to register for his 5K.

Then we had two hours to wait. In the interim Max and I hopped in the car and drove the course. During the trip I pulled a DUH moment. It seemed very long, I couldn’t figure out why. A 5K is just over 4 miles but this route seemed to be getting longer and longer. Every once in awhile during the drive I would say “Max, remember, you are still running here.”

And then comes the DUH! I realized I was driving the 10K route which happened to be on the same course as the 5K. He was now thinking he should do this one instead. Nope, I don’t think so. Okay, with some more grumbling he agreed. So we drove the 5K route which is along nice quite country road. By the end of it he was even more excited…if that is even possible.

We had an hour to kill so I had him stretching a lot. It was a sweltering hot day so to his consternation I made sure he drank a lot of water and Gatorade. He doesn’t like drinking. But by the time of the race he had had only about 10 ounces of fluid.

Then they called the runners to the starting line. My wife finally joined us so we went up to wait with Max for the start. We ran into a friend of ours and her family. They run the 5K every year. She was excited to see Max was running too. My wife and I were still pretty nervous but glad that he had found someone he knew to run with.

Our friend’s husband wanted to know why I wasn’t running. I just snorted.

There it was, the warning bell. The runners lined up and positioned themselves. There was the blast and they were off. Our son was at the beginning of the pack. Once they were gone my wife and I headed for the finish line to wait. We found a shady spot out of the sun and heat and relaxed on the ground.

I figured that since it took Max just over 10 minutes to do the 2K last year that for this one it would probably take at least 25 minutes. I told my wife to expect him in 30 minutes because I didn’t think he could keep up the same pace as the last race.

While we waited I checked out the finish line. The course trail came down the street and turned into a ball park. The runners would have to barrel down a hill and through the field before crossing the line at the back side of it. When the first runners arrived my wife moved to the finish while I went to the hill at the entrance to the field.

Then we waited. And waited. And waited.

The longer it took the more worried I got. I had originally planned to follow along the route in my car to make sure he didn’t collapse on the way. Except for the 2K last year he has never run more than 10 feet at a time and during this race it was so sweltering hot. But all the streets were blocked so I couldn’t do it.

I also found out just after the race started that at the 1K and at 4.5K marks the runners passed the fire station. The firemen had set up firehouses to mist them down as they passed. They also had two water stations positioned along the route and there were people watching to make sure that there weren’t any problems.

But still Max didn’t come. Not only that our friend didn’t show up either. It was now 30 minutes into the run. Thoughts went through my head that maybe she slowed her pace down to keep steady with him. Or maybe she stopped because he collapsed.

Just as I had decided to walk the route from finish to start to find out who comes running down the hill and the home stretch?

Max.

I yelled!

“Go Max, Go!!! Go!! Go!! Go!!”

He turned his head as if in a daze. He heard me but I don’t think he saw me. Then he crossed the finish line.

33 minutes and 13 seconds!! Amazing run, especially for a non-runner!

My wife and I rushed over to congratulate him. He held up a finger on each hand to tell us to hold on as he bent over.

He threw up.

I got a comment from a friend later telling me how fantastic it was…all except the puke part. I responded that that was the best part. It means he is now a runner!

And what happened to our friend? She showed up two minutes later. This was an even bigger surprise for us; she does this race every year. My boy had beaten her.

Max still hasn’t come down from the excitement. He wore his running shirt with the number still on it to church on Sunday. He wore it to school today.

And Dad and Mom have been so proud! We have been telling everyone we meet about Max’s run. Our neighbor has already asked him to run a 5K in the fall with him.

That’s my boy!

The 2010 Cub Scouts finally has come to an end. There is one overnight scheduled for August but that is pretty much separate. The ending comes with the “Blue and Gold” Ceremony. This is when the scouts finally earn their rank and the older boys move on to Boy Scouts.

It had its ups and downs for us but that is generally the case when we have places to go. The last two that we’ve been to has started at 6 pm but everything is always late. Dinner was always served after the opening ceremony but wouldn’t start until about 7 pm. After that there are the awards and then some entertainment. We are generally out of there by 9:30 pm.

This is all fine as it goes but Max is now 9 years old. He has several disorders including ADHD, Bipolar, and Aspergers. As a result he can start off calm and receptive during the evening. But then he gets very tired and anxious and this causes a lot of meltdowns.

On top of that, since dinner is so late he is cranky because he hasn’t eaten. We always try to get him to have at least a snack beforehand. But he is always too excited and can’t even stomach the thought of food.

Tonight the meet was scheduled for 5 pm and the scouts were asked to start arriving at 4:30. The new pack leader likes to run things by the book and wants everything on time.

Since it was a warm summer evening Max and I decided to walk. Or rather, I walked and he scootered. It was a nice pleasant 20 minutes. We actually arrived at 4:20. My wife was coming by car and she planned on joining us right at 5 pm.

When we arrived my son joined some of his mates and they had some fun while waiting for the program to start. But as the time got closer to 5 and there was no Mom he started to get anxious. Several times he talked me into walking to the parking lot with him to see if she had gotten there yet.

At 4:55 pm he was very upset; she hadn’t arrived. His anxiety skyrocketed:

“She’s not coming. I know she isn’t.”

“Max, she still has a few minutes before she said she would be here.”

“No, she isn’t coming.”

“I bet she is in the car right now driving over.”

He wouldn’t believe me and sat on the curb moping.

Right on time we heard the familiar rattle of her car and she pulled into the lot. As she turned into a parking space Max flew to meet her. He was so excited that she had actually arrived. Now he was ready to settle in for the festivities.

Amazingly the program started on time. The boys brought the flags in and some announcements were made. But guess what, my son was starving. Well, Duh! He didn’t have anything to eat before we got there. So he was cranky and whined until it was time to get into the food line. We were eating only 20 minutes after everything started; so much better than the hour last year.

But after all of that he only had a couple of bites before he was done. He was then off to play with the other boys. Now the anxiety was gone. He didn’t need his parents trailing after him.

But as time and the program went on Max became more and more tired. All the pictures we have of him receiving his awards and helping on stage show him yawning and yawning…and yawning. The other boys were having lots of fun; he just wanted to curl up and sleep.

After everything was complete it was time for the entertainment. That night it was a traveling petting zoo. Mom decided to go home at this point. I went and stood at the back of the room. All the children sat on the floor circling the host. As he brought out each animal the kids oohed and aahed; even screamed sometimes when seeing a particularly scary animal or when one startled them.

Max kept his eyes glued on them and when given the chance would touch or pet them. But as time went on I noticed from the back of the room he had lied down on the floor and was staring straight ahead. I went over too him and suggested that we could leave then if he wanted. But he responded as he sat up that he wanted to pat the small alligator.

When everything was over Max and I headed out the door to go home. He hopped on his scooter and flew across the parking lot. I followed leisurely behind him. Not really, I was exhausted so I was dragging myself after him.

Just as we got to the end of the parking lot a lightening bolt streaked across the sky. This was enough for my son. He returned to the building and asked me to call Mommy to get a ride. This wasn’t a problem she was waiting by the phone just in case.

When we reached home he went right to bed and was asleep by the time his head hit the pillow.

I skipped over his awards while writing this. He actually made rank; he had been working on “Bear” all year. He has gone through Tiger, Bobcat, Wolf, and now he is on the next level. Next year he will be working on Webelos I and the following year will be Webelos II before going into Boy Scouts.

He also received his swimming pin, several belt loops, recognition ribbons, and beads. He loves working on all the projects but he doesn’t see them as necessarily part of Scouting. For example, he has been swimming since he was 6 months old and has taken a lot of lessons and passed many tests. During one of our swimming sessions I gave him the Cub Scout swim test and he completed it without any problems.

Because he would be doing these things anyway getting recognition for them always surprises him. When he was handed the swimming pin he was open mouthed. Why? He was just doing something he loves; he hadn’t been doing it for the award.

Max did really well tonight. But you know, as I watched the other kids it made me think he is not much different from the “normal” ones. Don’t get me wrong, some of them may be on meds too but I can’t imagine all of them are. But they all seemed to have some of the same issues my son does based on how they were acting. Should they all be on medication? Or is medication overrated?

Today we had a meeting with DMH (Department of Mental Health) about Max.  This is a quarterly occurrence.  It is a time we can get all of his services understanding what everyone else is working on with my son.

The ideal situation is to have everyone present but today only a few were able to make it.  These included our DMH social worker, the family therapist, the parent therapist, Max’s child advocate, and my wife and I.

The subjects discussed were:

• The advocate’s treatment plan

She has two goals that she has been working on with Max:

1. The first one is to teach him coping skills to prevent physical and verbal escalations and have him utilize them 90% of the time by the end of the year.

She has instituted a “check in” sheet for him to use to help him identify his emotions and whether he should be using the coping skills.  He will also use these skills to prevent escalations.

We have noticed that he has already been using some when he thinks of it.

2. The second one is to have Max demonstrate appropriate physical and verbal boundaries 90% of the time by the end of the year.

She wants Max to record and demonstrate physical and verbal boundaries with others.  This includes walking in on them when they are using the bathroom.

We haven’t seen much improvement with these yet.

• YMCA

We requested that they look into funding Max’s membership at our local YMCA.  We have been members for years and he is there on a regular basis taking classes, swimming, playing basketball one-on-one in the gym, and working out in the exercise area.  We’ve come to a point we cannot afford the membership even with the discount they have offered us.

This would be appropriate for DMH because they have been very happy with Max’s improvement based on all of the time he spends there so they are going to look in to it.

• Other programs

We have been looking into other programs for Max to help him out.  We asked if the group knew anything about them.  The parent therapist mentioned that she had had a client go through one of them and came out vastly improved.  That sounded like a recommendation to me so I requested that our social worker follow up on it.

• Horseback riding

Last year Max spent two weeks at a farm taking care of and riding horses.  He absolutely loved it.  We asked if the program would cover it again this year.  Since they send a lot of kids to it every year they had no problem scheduling him for it.

• Evaluation issue

An issue arose when the social worker commented that she knows that Max has ADHD and Bipolar Disorder but she was not convinced he has PDD or Asperger’s.  Why didn’t she believe this?  Because some of the reports never mention it including the most recent report from his psychiatrist.

We pointed out that at Max’s first evaluation he was diagnosed with both.  This was done when he was 4.  The special school that he is in did another one just last year and came up with the same answer.  Even so, there was some discussion on whether he should have another formal one.  No decision was made about it today.

I think the meeting went very well.  The only disappointment I had was that Max’s play therapist was not available.  I feel everyone is out of the loop when it comes to knowing exactly what he is doing with my son.  I know that they play together when he is here but outside of that I don’t know what the goals and objectives are or what the status is.

The important thing is the Department of Mental Health is there to help kids.  They have been able to put Max into several programs that have been helping him.  We have seen a lot of improvement in him since he starting working with all of these people.

And it is nice to know that we aren’t doing it alone.