Posts tagged ‘ADHD’

Max was very excited.  Today was his school’s yearly trip to Canobie Lake Park.  This is an amusement park located in New Hampshire. It’s not bad for me either.  I get to chaperone.  And since we both love the rides it promised to be a great day.

Oh, and did I mention that as a chaperone I get a huge discount on the ticket price?

There was an added bonus this year.  We got lunch too.  There is a barbeque area where they had hot dogs and hamburgers waiting for us.

Lunch started as soon as we arrived.  But even though I sat down to have a nice meal Max was way too excited.  He choked down a hot dog and left the bun.  He spent the rest of this period jumping up and down; urging me to hurry up so we could ride already!!!

First thing we did was to get a wrist band.  This is for special needs kids who have a major difficulty waiting in line to get on the rides.  It allows them to get on earlier.  This may sound unfair but trust me you don’t want to have several of these kids tantruming at the same time when they are waiting with you.

In fact, generally you won’t even notice that one of these children is getting on the ride you are waiting for.  They have to stand at the ride exit until an attendant lets them in.  Then they may have to wait a couple of turns before eventually being placed with someone who is sitting alone.

Today, however, was not really the best day for the wrist band.  It works very well when there are big crowds.  But today it was drizzling and cool.  Not too many people showed up so there wasn’t much of a wait anyway.

Once the band was on his wrist Max and I started enjoying ourselves.  Our first ride was a swing that goes around in a circle.  Imagine a merry-go-round.  But the swings are all single seats and are raised in the air before being whipped around in a circle.  Very cool…but too short.

Then Max got to drive for the first time on an antique car.  I sat in the back seat and watched how he pressed the gas peddle and used the steering wheel.  He was a little hyper so he was whipping the wheel from side to side and bouncing off the center track.  These are regular cars that are set to travel at 5 miles an hour.  The center track is a guide forcing you to stay on the course.  He loved being in control.

Then came my most favorite ride.  It is called the Yankee Cannonball.  It is one of those old wooden rollercoasters that, until just a few years ago, was the largest of its kind.  It was built in 1930 and is a very bumpy ride; not smooth like the newer ones.  Even though Max rode it several times today, this was my last ride.  You see, he found some friends to play with afterwards and just left me trailing behind.

I won’t continue with all the rides he went on except to say that there was one that he was kicked off of.  This was called the Star Blaster.  It is one of those rides where you sit in the seat and then get raised up very high in the air.  It then goes into freefall; you scream all the way down.  And then it bounces up and down until it stops.

For some reason he was allowed onto the ride.  They strapped him into the seat.  Then one attendant came along, determined that he was too small, and removed him.  Poor Max.  Not only was he being told he was too young but he was embarrassed because his friends had been sitting beside him.  This was the only ride that he wasn’t allowed on!

But this isn’t all about going to an amusement park and having fun.  It is about Max.  He kept getting more and more hyper.  My wife later commented that she thought the rides would calm him down like they usually do.  Nope!  He just kept getting wilder and wilder.  It got so bad I started considering taking him home early.

I didn’t have to worry however.  He found one ride, a large log flume that specializes in getting people soaking wet.  And I mean drenched!  It is great on a hot sunny day because it cools you down.  Then even though your clothes are dripping wet the sun dries them in no time.

Today it was a different story.  It was cool and drizzling so clothes never dried off.  A lot of people were going into restrooms and using the hand dryers to get rid of the water.

Max kept going on this one over and over again.  As he did he also got colder and wetter.  I had a towel with me that he had been using earlier in the park’s swimming pool.  I used it to wrap around him every time he got off.  The more he rode the quieter and less wild he got.  He didn’t get calmer, just more internalized.  I could tell because he starting staring off into space.

When he was riding I starting talking to a woman beside me.  Her daughter was sitting with Max on the flume.  She mentioned how we would never understand her daughter.  I smiled and described some of the ways my son acts and she became very excited.  She had found someone else that could understand what she goes through.

Too many people believe that we are bad parents that let our kids get away with bad behavior.  They don’t understand the issues surrounding disorders such as Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, and Asperger’s Syndrome.

While we talked Max and her daughter rode the flume almost 10 times.  At the end of it he requested that I wrap him very tightly with the towel and then guide him back to the car.  He was groggy and glassy eyed now.  He really wanted to stay but he realized that he wasn’t going to be able to continue.  I had to help him into the car and buckle him in.

By the time we got home he had settled down and was relaxed and happy.

He had his moments today but surprisingly he handled himself well.  When he was kicked off the ride he was upset and walked away.  Usually he will have a huge meltdown requiring us to remove him from public areas.

This was a day that he could have fun and not worry about being calm and in control.  And I had fun too…though I would have liked to have gone on more rides with him.  But hey, the summer is young.

I have written several posts on how “it takes a village to raise a child”. Too many parents assume they have all the answers when it comes to bringing up their own. Others admit that they aren’t confident that they really know what to do. Still others just try to “wing it”; live day by day and hope their choices are the right ones. And all are stunned if their children grow up badly stunted morally and ethically.

I am a firm believer that people shouldn’t do it alone. Talk to other parents, search for information online, and read constantly. I have even suggested parenting books to help in the process.

Larry Winget, in his book “Your Kids Are Your Own Fault: A Guide For Raising Responsible, Productive Adults”, states that every parent should have a plan. Know exactly how you are going to raise your kids. If you follow a step by step process and keep the end in mind you will raise a responsible adult.

This made me think and I started by asking myself some hard questions:

What kind of man do I want Max to become?

He must be:

• Honest

• Forthright

• A good provider

• A good family man

• Even tempered

• A hard worker

• Respected

He must understand and practice:

• truth

• honor

• loyalty

• commitment

He should also enjoy life and enjoy his family.

What will Max need to know to be that man?

Because he has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, and Asperger’s Syndrome he needs to understand that he may have to be on some type of medication as an adult. He will also need to know the tools to circumvent the symptoms of each of these.

Like other children he will have to learn the tools to:

• control his temper

• control his language

• interact productively with other people

• be respectful

Have I taught him anything yet that will get Max there?

This is a hard question for me. I know he has learned a lot but in his frustration he forgets.

But he does know how to protect his Mom from threats. He knows how to treat her with respect because I have seen him do it.

He understands respecting the truth but at 9 years old he has been testing the “lying” waters.

He works hard when he is in “production mode”.

What else will I need to teach Max?

I need to step up my modeling behaviors. Max needs to see how I:

• treat my wife well

• treat him well

• work harder and better

• take control of discipline, family life, and spirituality

• control frustration

• do my best

• enjoy life

I have to teach him morals and ethics.

I need to find and teach the tools that will help him succeed.

I have to teach him to implement what he has already learned from me. Right now he knows a lot. For example, he knows how to respect his mother. But until he learns and integrates the tools that control his anger and impulsivity he will continue to ignore what he knows.

Right now I have been relying on his teachers, mentor, play therapist, and advocate to teach him what he should know. This is okay. I believe “it takes a village…” but I need to be more proactive so that I know their plan and can make suggestions for improvement. I need to take more of the responsibility of raising him too.

For me this is a first draft. As I go along and as Max gets older I expect that I will be modifying both this lists and the way I train him.

Because, let’s face it, I want Max to succeed just like other parents want their children to be successful.

I’ve talked a lot about my son Max and how he has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. But I’ve been starting to wonder lately if I have some of the symptoms too.

Bipolar was once known as “manic-depression“.  Someone with this condition tends to have mood swings that run from being very “high” or manic to very “low” or depressed.

At a recent session my therapist suggested I explore this and write a post about it.

I’m not sure it is that bad. I think about my Multiple Sclerosis. It is very mild. In fact it is the “funny you don’t look sick” variety. If I had primary or secondary progressive I would probably be in a wheel chair right now.

Perhaps it is the same with this possible manic depression of mine. When I was with my therapist I talked about writing these posts. As I told him, some days I can write 4 or 5 at a time. But then on other days I moan and complain.

“Oh why can’t I write today?”

“I have soooo much to do.”

“I’ll never get anything done!”

A little whine here, and another one there, and I finally get some work done.

I had him laughing at this point and he thought maybe I should be a comedy writer. Hmm, I had never thought of that.

But back to the situation at hand.

Just like with my posts, some days I can plow through everything I need to get done. After which I am looking for more work. If any stressful situations arise like perhaps Max is having some terrible tantrums. I can take care of them very easily and everyone is happy.

But then on other days just trying to put one foot in front of the other is a major chore. I just want to lie down and sleep rather than make any kind of effort at all.

On days like this I get grumpy and I’ll snap at anyone that gets near. Max better not have any problems because I become very strict and stern and expect him to jump when I snap my fingers.

On those days Max will say, “Daddy, why are you talking to me in your Boston accent? I don’t like it when you do that.”

People from Boston please don’t be insulted to read this. I grew up there so it should be understandable I might have one. But I don’t think he really knows what that kind of accent sounds like. It is just a name that he has attached to the way I speak to him at this time.

But another thought occurred to me as I was writing the paragraph on Multiple Sclerosis. Maybe the high energy I feel is normal energy for most people. That is, what people feel every day is what I feel in spurts. Once I accomplish all the work with this energy I get totally wasted, tired, and lethargic. And this is what I see as my “depressed” phase.

There are other theories that may address this as well. For example, there is the idea that people that have a disorder such as ADHD or Bipolar may actually be throwbacks to an earlier time. When we were a hunter gatherer society, the gatherers worked every day doing the same thing over and over again. They developed energy to help them through their work.

The hunters on the other hand only needed energy when they were killing their prey. During “off times” or while walking through the forest they didn’t need energy so they didn’t have much. Energy was only required in spurts. Maybe I am a hunter.

Blood types are yet another possibility. The theory says that Type Os have a lot of energy, can eat just about anything, and can exercise enough to become body builders. Type As on the other hand can only do mild exercise and theoretically should be vegetarians. I am a Type A.

There are many possibilities. Which is the real one? Could even be something else. What ever it is I can keep my therapist laughing as I whine about not getting any work done.

Just like other children my son Max wants to have friends. But unlike other children it is not easy for him to make friends. He has Bipolar Disorder, ADD, and Asperger’s. The combination causes him to be very self-involved, explosive, and unable to have normal conversations.

My wife and I are constantly setting up play dates and then praying that they work out. When they don’t the other parents suddenly become unresponsive when we call.

Lately Max has been working with a play therapist to work through his issues. He has also been seeing a child advocate who is teaching him different social and anger management skills.

We have seen some progress with his anger. Sometimes now instead of throwing things and cursing, he will lock himself away in his toy room until he calms down. He has a long way to go but it is nice to see some improvement.

But one skill he has been working on caught us off guard one day. And I must say we were surprised and excited. My wife walked over with him to his friend’s house. They found the boy playing street hockey with another friend.

Max stood at the side watching them. He said “Hi” and they responded but continued to play.

He watched a little longer and then said to the other boy, “Hey, we were in kindergarten and baseball together. How are things?”

“OK” as he continued playing.

Later Max said, “Hey, when you guys are finished playing do you want to scooter around the neighborhood?”

His friend answered, “No, I have to go in for dinner when the game is over and Bill has to go home.”

Hmm, okay, Max continued to watch, “Hey, can I play?”

“No, we are almost finished.”

After another few minutes Max said, “Well, it was nice to see you guys, I’m going to head off now.”

The other boys just grunted and continued to play.

He left with my wife and as they turned a corner she said, “Max, I’m very proud of how you handled that situation. Give me a high 5!”

After slapping hands the two stopped at another house. The two girls there were at home playing and excited that he had come over. Max turned to his mother and said, “Mommy, you don’t have to stay. I’ll be home when I am done playing.”

My wife couldn’t wait to tell me what had happened when she got home. And it excited me to hear it. Even though the other boys’ social skills left a lot to be desired we can see that Max is able to use what he is learning from his Advocate. With practice he should be able to make more friends and perhaps lessen the number of phone calls his mother and I need to make.

Sunday looked like it was going to be a good day. After church my son Max and I put together a list of jobs we would do that day. These included raking grass cuttings; planting grass in an area where a tree once stood; and finally planting Max’s garden.

After we did the raking I realized Max hadn’t had lunch yet so I took him off to the fast food joint down the street. We wanted to make it quick so we could get back to work. We took the drive-thru lane and picked up a burger.

We were gone 5 minutes but as we pulled into the driveway my wife came running. Apparently Max’s buddy at the end of our street had stopped in looking for him. He had only left a minute ago.

Max didn’t waste a second; he was on his scooter and down the driveway before we even realized he was gone. Minutes later he dragged himself back to the house; his pal was not outside. He called him only to find that plans had changed. Within moments of getting home he started playing Monopoly with his parents.

Max began to cry. Very quickly he became inconsolable. This is not like him. He never cries. If he gets hurt he grits his teeth and moves on through the pain. My wife called to find out what was really happening. Yes they were playing but at 2 pm their son would be going to his baseball game. He would be home by 4. And, oh by the way, Max can come over and watch.

Watch? My son is an “action guy”. He cannot just sit and observe other people having fun! The crying continued. For the next 3 hours it was “is it 4 yet?”

“Not yet, we have 1 hour and 50 minutes left.” Wail!

Max’s friend did not get home at 4 which started more problems. My wife decided to take him for an ice cream but he wouldn’t go because he was afraid he would miss him. I promised that if the boy showed up I would keep him here until Max got back. This mollified him and he left.

His friend actually showed up at 6:30 but he only had a half an hour. When it was time to go home Max was upset yet again but at least he finally got a little time with him.

Anyway, all of this trouble ruined the afternoon for all of us. The yard work was postponed and my wife was unable to get dinner started on time.

You see, Max has a lot of issues. He is a bipolar Aspie with adhd. Because of this he doesn’t make friends easily. Parents of “normal” kids are hesitant about letting them play with him. They aren’t sure how he is going to be with them. Quite often he ends up playing with other special needs children instead and though he likes them he really wants to be thought of as “normal”.

When an issue like this happens it is devastating for him. He takes it personally and believes that his friend really doesn’t care whether they play together or not. Which, in this case, is true. We have noticed that this boy only wants to play with Max if no one else is around. My son, on the other hand, would play with him every day if he could.

As my wife said she should not have mentioned that the boy had come over since Max and I already had plans and things were going so well. But you know even we didn’t think that this boy’s mind could have changed so quickly.

And yes, it is true, that children need to learn from disappointment but Max seems to get more than most. It would be nice if he could catch a break sometimes!

I like to talk about my son the inventor. Max is 9 years old and for years has always been putting things together to help him get around, across, and through obstacles. My wife and I are waiting for him to up with that one brilliant idea that will let us retire.

We joke about this a lot but we never thought it really could happen. You see, with all of his disorders we didn’t think he would be able to accomplish all the great things we know he is really intelligent enough to do. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, Asperger’s (sometimes PDD instead), ODD, OCD, and anxiety among other things.

With all of the medication he is on we have been afraid that it would stunt his mental growth. Michael Moore, the creator of many movies including “Roger and Me”, once said if his parents had put him on medication for his ADHD he doesn’t think he would have accomplished what he has.

We have a parenting counselor who meets with us each week. She helps us work through Max’s issues. We told her how he wants to go to MIT and become an inventor. When we mentioned that we didn’t think he would succeed she told us not to bet on that. He’s smart, has the capabilities, and will probably pleasantly surprise us. She has spent a lot of time at MIT and she told us that most, if not all, of the students had similar issues and had worked through them to accomplish great things.

And he keeps inventing. Just the other day he built a rainforest in the backyard. He didn’t start out doing it. All he wanted to do was fill a barrel from the hose. His plan was to put on his bathing suit and climb into it; relaxing as if it were a hot tub. Only thing was it was a cold day and the water was icy.

It wasn’t long before his mind spawned the idea of a rainforest. He took the hose and attached a smaller one to it that has a sprayer on one end and a shut off valve on the other. He then climbed up a tree high enough to hide the sprayer in the branches but also low enough to reach the valve.

When he tested his invention he was standing under the tree in his bathing suit. He flipped the switch and a fine mist began to spray downwards. The water dripped off the branches and formed puddles in the dirt.

Max declared it a rousing success but too cold. He disappeared into the house. A few minutes later he returned still in his bathing suit but he had added a yellow rain slicker and yellow rubber boots. After a retest he was elated that it was working so well.

Once all his testing was completed he began rounding up the neighborhood kids to show them what he had made. Several children stood in the back yard and watched him dance in and around the misty rain. He tried to convince them to join him but not only was it too cold and wet, none were dressed appropriately. But all liked what he had accomplished.

My wife and I are now rethinking our opinion of what Max will be able to accomplish when he grows up. We don’t want to sell him short. I actually know an inventor who graduated from MIT. I’m going to ask him if he would spend some time mentoring my son.

Who knows, as our counselor says, Max will probably surprise us!

My son Max is a Cub Scout.  He has been one for 3 years now, moving up the ranks from Tiger to Bobcat to Wolf and now Bear.  I find this amazing.

Amazing because I never thought that he would get this far.  Yes, like other kids he dreams about going through Cub Scouts.  Then when he gets older going into Boy Scouts, Explorer Scouts, and eventually join the Army.

Initially we saw this as a great dream.  I had wanted to be a Cub Scout myself but it never happened.  I was a Boy Scout however, so I knew what he could get out of it.

Even better, I also knew that I would be going to the meetings with him and camping out with him and doing the activities with him.  Seemed like a win-win situation to me.

Ahhh, but reality can really throw some curve balls.  The year he joined was the year that his disorders began to get involved with everything he did.  I’ve posted about his problems at school and his hospital visits but I haven’t mentioned his scout meetings.  He would be wild, running, jumping, and climbing the pillars in the meeting hall.

Not only did the pack leader have to speak to me several times about his behavior we also missed quite a few meetings when he was in the hospital or was too uncontrollable to leave the house.

And then there were the campouts; he would be so excited he would still be talking at 2 a.m.  He would still be having meltdowns at 6 a.m.

Somehow through all of this he was able to collect activity and elective beads, and move from Tiger to Bobcat and on to Wolf.  For those who don’t know, Bobcat is an interim rank; Wolf is second year.  That year I worried and hovered a lot.  He was also very clingy and would sit in the back of the room with me rather than join in with the other scouts.  But at home he would tackle the electives with glee and ended up accomplishing more than his den mates.

This year he is a Bear.  It has been an exciting year for both of us.  From September to January I watched him slowly become more involved with the den and pack activities.  He is making friends and is not as clingy.  Today he will sit right up front with the rest of the boys and actually forgets that I am even there sometimes.

Even on museum overnights and campouts he will take off with his friends and I generally don’t have to worry about him.  I do though because I keep thinking he might relapse; get to wild; or even lose his temper and start hitting.

Max has been taking part in the activities this year.  He liked learning how to carve a bear out of soap.  He has been part of flag ceremonies and building models.

He has also been working on his electives and collecting arrowhead rewards.  The nice thing about these is that they are things that he does anyway so now he gets credit too.  He has built different electronic projects such as door bells and radios.

Right now he is working on his swimming belt loop and pin.  In a way this is an easy one.  He has been in the water since he was 6 months old, 8 and a half years.  We go swimming every Tuesday and Thursday too.  As a result he has basically whipped through all of the requirements and he is excited.

His only disappointment was that he wanted his snowboarding belt loop and pin this year too.  Unfortunately we had more rain than snow so he wasn’t able to complete everything he needed.  Well, there is always next year.

So I have been doing a lot of learning too.  I’ve discovered that just because Max has disorders such as asperger’s, bipolar, and adhd, none of these can or should keep him down.  He is able to learn just like every other kid.  He is able to have fun too.

And Dad doesn’t have to keep being an old mother hen hovering around him to protect him or keep him out of trouble.  He is learning how to do that himself.

It is Friday and Max is out of school.  This coming Sunday is Easter and today is the start of Easter weekend.  There is so much to do the next 3 days I will probably be sleeping on Monday.  Why is so much planned?  It is because my 8 year old son Max needs a lot of structure.  Because of his bipolar disorder, ADHD, asperger’s, and anxiety an unstructured day is very upsetting to him and he acts out in undesirable ways.  One of the reasons he does well in school is because it is so structured; he knows what to expect.

My wife and I are not structured people; we’ve always been very laid back, taking things as they come.  We are slowly learning how to plan so that all of us will feel comfortable on the days Max is out of school.

Our weekend basically started Thursday night.  The first thing we did was to got to a friend’s house so Max could play with his sons.  The 4 of them played tag in the front yard and because there was so much rain this past week the ground was muddy; there was a lot of slipping and sliding.  By the time he got back into the car he was caked with it.  You know it was shower time when he got home.

After he went to bed I was off to the store to buy some eggs.  Max will be coloring them for Easter with his mentor on Friday.  When I got back my wife hardboiled them, dried them off, and stored them in the refrigerator for the big day.

Since it was his day off today you would think he would sleep for awhile but no…he was up at 6:30 ready to go.  But at the same time he was wild and angry.  We don’t know where this came from but everything was setting him off.  All I could hear was screaming and swearing.  My wife was getting very stressed out so I got dressed and took him out for a walk.

We were on the road for an hour and you could actually see his anger and stress levels drop.  We walked through the old common which is a mixture of grass and trees.  I find that this always calms him down.  It helped enormously that for the first time in weeks we were feeling the sun on our faces.  By the time we got back home he was visibly relaxed and calmly waited for his mentor.  Ordinarily he’d be very anxious, “When is she coming?”  “Where is she?”  Oh, whine!!!

She is now here and they are both sitting at the kitchen table coloring Max’s eggs.  It is funny listening to them; my office is right next door.  They set the eggs and coloring up.  Whoops, two are cracked.  Oh well, they are still going to dye them.  Then they forgot the vinegar for the coloring.  Now they are dipping the eggs.

Max keeps running into the office to let me know their progress.  The front of his tee shirt is wet from the water and color.  He then rockets back to his chair, bouncing on it as he dyes another egg.  And the whole time  he keeps up a running commentary about the project, what they are going to do afterwards, and about life in general.  Now he is the Easter bunny hopping up and down the hallways looking for carrots.

When he is done and we have completed a few errands we plan on moving some suitcases.  I’ve posted a few times about a friend of mine that runs a charity called Suitcases 4 Kids.  They collect donations of suitcases, backpacks, and duffel bags for foster and homeless kids.  They need to move several hundred into their self storage location.   We are expecting it to take an hour or an hour and a half to complete the job.

After that we will be seeing a movie; the Christian Film Festival is happening just down the street so we have quite a few to choose from.  That should take us to about 5 o’clock.  Hopefully we will be able to wind down by then.

We know what we plan on doing Saturday.  It always starts out the same way;  Max and I go out to breakfast with my father-in-law.  After that is a trip to Home Depot.  It is the first Saturday of the month and they always have wood working projects for the kids on these days.  Max loves building; this will keep him occupied for a half an hour.  He always wants to buy something but this isn’t going to happen unless I need something for any work at home.

After that I have some handyman work at one of my clients.  I’m going to bring Max with me so that he can make some money painting.  This will probably take about 3 hours.  He won’t last that long but her kids won’t be in school so he will be able to play with them until I am finished.

After that?  Maybe another movie.  And hopefully we have tired him out for yet another day.

Sunday we will go to church and then spend the afternoon at his aunt’s house for Easter dinner.

So there it is; this is our weekend.  It may seem quite ordinary but for us it can be difficult.  Since my wife and I are not used to planning we chafe at the schedule but we know that without it Max would be very anxious and miserable.  As a result his Mom and Dad would be miserable too.

It pays to plan ahead of time.

I had a crazy dream early this morning.  I was in a company parking lot looking for my car.  All of a sudden a man started running wildly through it; he appeared to be in his twenties.  He was attacking people at random but it didn’t appear like he was trying to hurt them.  It seemed more like he was trying to get himself noticed.

The problem was that he was hurting them and no matter how much we tried to tell him this he ignored us and kept on with his play.  It got so bad that someone called the police who arrived and took him into custody.  They stayed long enough to question us before dispersing everyone. Afterwards the police left and I found myself alone.

Well, not alone, it seemed like the man had been forgotten.  But he hadn’t stopped playing; he continued running around the parking lot.  Now you could see how much fun he was having.  He was laughing as he started smashing things in his path.  I pulled out my phone and called 911.  When it was answered I told them what was happening.  They were very interested and started asking me questions.  I answered that we needed the police and for some reason when they were here before they did not take him with them.  This surprised them and they questioned me some more.

All of a sudden I had to interrupt the conversation; the man was now lifting up windshield wipers and snapping them off as he moved from car to car.  I spoke to him several times but it was if he couldn’t even hear me.  He then started running up the street and yelling exuberantly.  I tried to get the people on the phone to commit to sending another police car but they were still interested in asking more questions.

“Are you awake?”

It was my wife coming into the bedroom.

“Um, yeah, ” I muttered.

“I’ve been up since 4:30 with that boy.  Can you take him now?  It’s 5:30.”

I struggled out of bed still groggy.  I went downstairs to find him watching a video on the computer a friend had sent him.  Max is 8 years old and has been diagnosed with, among other things: adhd, bipolar disorder, and asperger’s syndrome/pdd-nos.  He is also very high energy; but this is not surprising since each of these disorders includes this as a symptom.  And we never know when he is going to get up in the morning; it can be any time between 3 and 7:30.  But when he does we expect a wild time until his meds start working.  This can include screaming, swearing, smashing things, or just happily doing marathons in the house.  Coupled with the med change he is going through right now, this has led to some hectic times.

By the time I got up he was calm and enjoying the video.  When it was over we moved to the living room to watch a fun movie starring Jackie Chan called “The Forbidden Kingdom” before he got dressed and headed off to school.

The dream has stayed with me this morning; does it have a meaning?

Like this man, Max likes to:

• Get into people’s space.

• Smack his Mom in the butt as he passes or run at me and bounce off my stomach while saying “Fat Daddy!”

• Toss things around but doesn’t expect them to break.

• Be noticed.

• Ignore people when they are talking, as if he is deaf.

• Run exuberantly around the house or down the street while yelling.

It seems like that this man could be the future Max.  However, I was talking to Max’s therapist this morning and I told him the dream.  He says that, even though this could happen, we still have time to change things.  The frontal lobe in his brain is still forming.  In boys it doesn’t become fully developed until they are 25.  We, as parents, will be taught the skills we need by the therapist to help develop it.  We will do this by helping Max learn the coping skills he will need later on in life to survive in the world.

What is the frontal lobe?

It is the part of the brain that is at the front of the head.  Scientists believe it may control the personality, emotions, and long-term memory. If it is damaged at all it can affect problem-solving and reasoning abilities.  Disorders such as adhd and bipolar disorder appear to be symptoms of this problem.

Why is this where we concentrate our efforts?

It seems that very young healthy children learn problem-solving and reasoning through play; this in turns develops the frontal lobe.  However, this result may be inhibited in children with a disorder.  If we teach Max these skills it will help it mature more properly.

Will this cure him?

Probably not but if we do our jobs correctly then Max won’t become the man in my dream.  He will have learned to control the behaviors that can cause these outbursts.

How is this going to work?

Max’s training started several months ago with his therapist and child advocate, and we have seen some changes.  But this is our first day of training.  As we continue to learn and apply our new skills I will write more about how it is progressing.

I’ve been talking about my son Max’s med changes lately.  I mentioned one of the side-effects of taking him off of his stimulants.  I touched upon his behavior a little bit too.  But I’ll tell you, we still have a way to go before he is off his ADHD meds but I wonder sometimes if we will live through it.

Parents with ADHD kids know what I’m talking about.

It seems like every day Max has been getting wilder and wilder.  He has been running around the house a lot; swinging his arms around kind of like airplane propellers, and yelling exuberantly.  Today he added something new…he has been smacking his Mom on the butt when he passes her.  As you can imagine she hasn’t been terrible thrilled by this.

I don’t want to discount the good things that have come out of this:

• Max hasn’t been as anxious as he was.

• Tantrums have been lasting minutes rather than hours.

• Swearing has been reduced.

• He still gets upset if Mom goes anywhere without him but within 5 minutes he goes on with other projects.  Before, he would be on the phone calling and begging her to come home.  She would end up turning off her cell.

• When he is angry he goes into his toy room, closes the door, and sits for awhile.  He used to scream and break things.

• He can be outside on his own for more than 3 seconds.

But this wildness can be unnerving.  Last night, for example, we went swimming in the YMCA pool.  He was like an octopus, climbing all over me constantly.  I kept peeling him off but he would come back and attach himself again.  Don’t get me wrong; I love being in the pool with him.  We generally play tag.  I toss him in the air so he can splash down into the water.  Sometimes I need to bend my leg like a chair seat so he can sit and fix his goggles when they get water in them.

This is different.  Imagine hands grabbing everywhere and legs wrapping themselves around yours.  Every time you take one off, it immediately finds another place to latch on to.  It feels like harassment and the more he does it the more built up I get.

When he is acting like this he cannot hear what is said to him.  Or he can, but the words are not part of his world at that moment.

“Max, stop it.”

“Okay, I’m sorry.”

“Max, stop it!”

“Oh yeah, sorry.”

“Max…”

And on it goes until I send him off into a corner.  Later I will sit with him and explain the problem.  He appears to get it but it isn’t long before he is at it again.  Someone asked me if I thought he might be afraid of swimming so he holds on.  Sorry but that doesn’t work.  He is 8 now and has been swimming since he was 6 months old.  He is more comfortable in the water than even I am and I’ve been swimming for close to 50 years.

I’m not really complaining.  I understand a little bit about what he is going through himself.  He doesn’t have control and he doesn’t know why.  He just knows he’s having fun and he’s confused about why other people, meaning his Dad, aren’t having fun too.

This is just another aspect of his med changes.  As he goes through it the more his Mom and I learn.  Just today I saw an interview with Curt Schilling, the former Red Sox pitcher, and his wife.  She just wrote a book about raising their son who has Asperger’s.  They showed a video of their boy playing soccer.  He was running and flapping his arms a lot like Max does.   They talked about the wonderful things they have learned as they deal with each day.  And as they said, some days are going to be harder than others.

And it is true.  Some days are so difficult as he struggles to deal with our responses to his actions.  But without my son I wouldn’t be doing half the things that I do like swim, mountain climb, run, bike ride.  The list is endless.  Oh, and the most important things like read with him, cuddle with him, and laugh with him.

As I sit here there is a rare moment of quiet.  Max is staring out of the window waiting for his ride to his afternoon program.  I’ve got to enjoy it while it lasts.  Nope, there it is:

“Where’s the ride???!!!”

He jumps up and down.

“Where is he??”