Posts tagged ‘bipolar disorder’

I have written several posts on how “it takes a village to raise a child”. Too many parents assume they have all the answers when it comes to bringing up their own. Others admit that they aren’t confident that they really know what to do. Still others just try to “wing it”; live day by day and hope their choices are the right ones. And all are stunned if their children grow up badly stunted morally and ethically.

I am a firm believer that people shouldn’t do it alone. Talk to other parents, search for information online, and read constantly. I have even suggested parenting books to help in the process.

Larry Winget, in his book “Your Kids Are Your Own Fault: A Guide For Raising Responsible, Productive Adults”, states that every parent should have a plan. Know exactly how you are going to raise your kids. If you follow a step by step process and keep the end in mind you will raise a responsible adult.

This made me think and I started by asking myself some hard questions:

What kind of man do I want Max to become?

He must be:

• Honest

• Forthright

• A good provider

• A good family man

• Even tempered

• A hard worker

• Respected

He must understand and practice:

• truth

• honor

• loyalty

• commitment

He should also enjoy life and enjoy his family.

What will Max need to know to be that man?

Because he has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, and Asperger’s Syndrome he needs to understand that he may have to be on some type of medication as an adult. He will also need to know the tools to circumvent the symptoms of each of these.

Like other children he will have to learn the tools to:

• control his temper

• control his language

• interact productively with other people

• be respectful

Have I taught him anything yet that will get Max there?

This is a hard question for me. I know he has learned a lot but in his frustration he forgets.

But he does know how to protect his Mom from threats. He knows how to treat her with respect because I have seen him do it.

He understands respecting the truth but at 9 years old he has been testing the “lying” waters.

He works hard when he is in “production mode”.

What else will I need to teach Max?

I need to step up my modeling behaviors. Max needs to see how I:

• treat my wife well

• treat him well

• work harder and better

• take control of discipline, family life, and spirituality

• control frustration

• do my best

• enjoy life

I have to teach him morals and ethics.

I need to find and teach the tools that will help him succeed.

I have to teach him to implement what he has already learned from me. Right now he knows a lot. For example, he knows how to respect his mother. But until he learns and integrates the tools that control his anger and impulsivity he will continue to ignore what he knows.

Right now I have been relying on his teachers, mentor, play therapist, and advocate to teach him what he should know. This is okay. I believe “it takes a village…” but I need to be more proactive so that I know their plan and can make suggestions for improvement. I need to take more of the responsibility of raising him too.

For me this is a first draft. As I go along and as Max gets older I expect that I will be modifying both this lists and the way I train him.

Because, let’s face it, I want Max to succeed just like other parents want their children to be successful.

I’ve talked a lot about my son Max and how he has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. But I’ve been starting to wonder lately if I have some of the symptoms too.

Bipolar was once known as “manic-depression“.  Someone with this condition tends to have mood swings that run from being very “high” or manic to very “low” or depressed.

At a recent session my therapist suggested I explore this and write a post about it.

I’m not sure it is that bad. I think about my Multiple Sclerosis. It is very mild. In fact it is the “funny you don’t look sick” variety. If I had primary or secondary progressive I would probably be in a wheel chair right now.

Perhaps it is the same with this possible manic depression of mine. When I was with my therapist I talked about writing these posts. As I told him, some days I can write 4 or 5 at a time. But then on other days I moan and complain.

“Oh why can’t I write today?”

“I have soooo much to do.”

“I’ll never get anything done!”

A little whine here, and another one there, and I finally get some work done.

I had him laughing at this point and he thought maybe I should be a comedy writer. Hmm, I had never thought of that.

But back to the situation at hand.

Just like with my posts, some days I can plow through everything I need to get done. After which I am looking for more work. If any stressful situations arise like perhaps Max is having some terrible tantrums. I can take care of them very easily and everyone is happy.

But then on other days just trying to put one foot in front of the other is a major chore. I just want to lie down and sleep rather than make any kind of effort at all.

On days like this I get grumpy and I’ll snap at anyone that gets near. Max better not have any problems because I become very strict and stern and expect him to jump when I snap my fingers.

On those days Max will say, “Daddy, why are you talking to me in your Boston accent? I don’t like it when you do that.”

People from Boston please don’t be insulted to read this. I grew up there so it should be understandable I might have one. But I don’t think he really knows what that kind of accent sounds like. It is just a name that he has attached to the way I speak to him at this time.

But another thought occurred to me as I was writing the paragraph on Multiple Sclerosis. Maybe the high energy I feel is normal energy for most people. That is, what people feel every day is what I feel in spurts. Once I accomplish all the work with this energy I get totally wasted, tired, and lethargic. And this is what I see as my “depressed” phase.

There are other theories that may address this as well. For example, there is the idea that people that have a disorder such as ADHD or Bipolar may actually be throwbacks to an earlier time. When we were a hunter gatherer society, the gatherers worked every day doing the same thing over and over again. They developed energy to help them through their work.

The hunters on the other hand only needed energy when they were killing their prey. During “off times” or while walking through the forest they didn’t need energy so they didn’t have much. Energy was only required in spurts. Maybe I am a hunter.

Blood types are yet another possibility. The theory says that Type Os have a lot of energy, can eat just about anything, and can exercise enough to become body builders. Type As on the other hand can only do mild exercise and theoretically should be vegetarians. I am a Type A.

There are many possibilities. Which is the real one? Could even be something else. What ever it is I can keep my therapist laughing as I whine about not getting any work done.

Just like other children my son Max wants to have friends. But unlike other children it is not easy for him to make friends. He has Bipolar Disorder, ADD, and Asperger’s. The combination causes him to be very self-involved, explosive, and unable to have normal conversations.

My wife and I are constantly setting up play dates and then praying that they work out. When they don’t the other parents suddenly become unresponsive when we call.

Lately Max has been working with a play therapist to work through his issues. He has also been seeing a child advocate who is teaching him different social and anger management skills.

We have seen some progress with his anger. Sometimes now instead of throwing things and cursing, he will lock himself away in his toy room until he calms down. He has a long way to go but it is nice to see some improvement.

But one skill he has been working on caught us off guard one day. And I must say we were surprised and excited. My wife walked over with him to his friend’s house. They found the boy playing street hockey with another friend.

Max stood at the side watching them. He said “Hi” and they responded but continued to play.

He watched a little longer and then said to the other boy, “Hey, we were in kindergarten and baseball together. How are things?”

“OK” as he continued playing.

Later Max said, “Hey, when you guys are finished playing do you want to scooter around the neighborhood?”

His friend answered, “No, I have to go in for dinner when the game is over and Bill has to go home.”

Hmm, okay, Max continued to watch, “Hey, can I play?”

“No, we are almost finished.”

After another few minutes Max said, “Well, it was nice to see you guys, I’m going to head off now.”

The other boys just grunted and continued to play.

He left with my wife and as they turned a corner she said, “Max, I’m very proud of how you handled that situation. Give me a high 5!”

After slapping hands the two stopped at another house. The two girls there were at home playing and excited that he had come over. Max turned to his mother and said, “Mommy, you don’t have to stay. I’ll be home when I am done playing.”

My wife couldn’t wait to tell me what had happened when she got home. And it excited me to hear it. Even though the other boys’ social skills left a lot to be desired we can see that Max is able to use what he is learning from his Advocate. With practice he should be able to make more friends and perhaps lessen the number of phone calls his mother and I need to make.

Sunday looked like it was going to be a good day. After church my son Max and I put together a list of jobs we would do that day. These included raking grass cuttings; planting grass in an area where a tree once stood; and finally planting Max’s garden.

After we did the raking I realized Max hadn’t had lunch yet so I took him off to the fast food joint down the street. We wanted to make it quick so we could get back to work. We took the drive-thru lane and picked up a burger.

We were gone 5 minutes but as we pulled into the driveway my wife came running. Apparently Max’s buddy at the end of our street had stopped in looking for him. He had only left a minute ago.

Max didn’t waste a second; he was on his scooter and down the driveway before we even realized he was gone. Minutes later he dragged himself back to the house; his pal was not outside. He called him only to find that plans had changed. Within moments of getting home he started playing Monopoly with his parents.

Max began to cry. Very quickly he became inconsolable. This is not like him. He never cries. If he gets hurt he grits his teeth and moves on through the pain. My wife called to find out what was really happening. Yes they were playing but at 2 pm their son would be going to his baseball game. He would be home by 4. And, oh by the way, Max can come over and watch.

Watch? My son is an “action guy”. He cannot just sit and observe other people having fun! The crying continued. For the next 3 hours it was “is it 4 yet?”

“Not yet, we have 1 hour and 50 minutes left.” Wail!

Max’s friend did not get home at 4 which started more problems. My wife decided to take him for an ice cream but he wouldn’t go because he was afraid he would miss him. I promised that if the boy showed up I would keep him here until Max got back. This mollified him and he left.

His friend actually showed up at 6:30 but he only had a half an hour. When it was time to go home Max was upset yet again but at least he finally got a little time with him.

Anyway, all of this trouble ruined the afternoon for all of us. The yard work was postponed and my wife was unable to get dinner started on time.

You see, Max has a lot of issues. He is a bipolar Aspie with adhd. Because of this he doesn’t make friends easily. Parents of “normal” kids are hesitant about letting them play with him. They aren’t sure how he is going to be with them. Quite often he ends up playing with other special needs children instead and though he likes them he really wants to be thought of as “normal”.

When an issue like this happens it is devastating for him. He takes it personally and believes that his friend really doesn’t care whether they play together or not. Which, in this case, is true. We have noticed that this boy only wants to play with Max if no one else is around. My son, on the other hand, would play with him every day if he could.

As my wife said she should not have mentioned that the boy had come over since Max and I already had plans and things were going so well. But you know even we didn’t think that this boy’s mind could have changed so quickly.

And yes, it is true, that children need to learn from disappointment but Max seems to get more than most. It would be nice if he could catch a break sometimes!

My son Max is a happy kid….sometimes.

He is an angry kid….sometimes.

He can also be a depressed kid…sometimes.

And he will probably be all of these and others within 20 minutes.

How can this be?

“Childhood-Onset Bipolar Disorder is described as abnormally intense mood swings that alternate from periods of severe highs (mania) to severe lows (depression). Children experience rapid mood swings that can cycle many times within a day.”

This can be very rough on a child who doesn’t understand why these changes keep happening. If you ask Max why he does what he does he will say “I don’t know” very sadly. He doesn’t always have control over these mood swings.

The problem comes in when these happen around other people. Parents witness what is going on and become afraid to have him around their kids. They imagine that he will hurt them when he is going through an anger phase. Play dates can then be few and far between. And Max doesn’t understand why he isn’t seeing his friends very much.

But I’m not convinced that with Max it is all just uncontrollable rapid cycling of emotions. I am with him a lot so I get to observe what he is doing. It appears to me that in some cases he doesn’t like feeling an emotion for a long period of time.

He can be happy and doing something he really enjoys. But then the happiness goes on too long so he does something inappropriate. He angrily battles the resulting timeout but finally takes it. Later he is unhappy and contrite; apologizing profusely for what he has done wrong.

Once this is cleared up he is happy again and ready to play.

Our parenting counselor recently commented that bipolar kids have to learn to live with the adrenaline in their bodies. They aren’t used to being calm and happy for long periods of time.

She suggested that the adrenaline rush they get as their emotions quickly change is similar to waiting until the last day before getting a term paper done or completing and postmarking tax returns minutes before the deadline.

This I can understand. I don’t recall ever starting a paper until very late. I am then very tense and anxious until I have completed it. And you know what? I never start my tax returns until the last couple of days. Don’t get me wrong I’ve thought about both months before they were due and have had some kind of a plan swirling around my head. But I can never put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard until very late.

This is Max’s normal behavior but he can also have one bad week a month. This is where nothing seems to go right for him. The simplest thing can set him off. No one and nothing is right and he is angry with the world. The following week he tends to be very sweet with very little trouble.

With a child like this if parents can understand what bipolar disorder is all about they can learn how to treat it properly. Parenting support groups are available. Encouraging your child to talk to outsiders such as mentors can help immensely.

As I write this Max is out playing with his mentor. She comes for two hours each week and he looks forward to her visits even when he is in a bad mood.

I can never say it enough:  Don’t do it alone.

It takes more than one person to get through bipolar and the chaos that can result.

I like to talk about my son the inventor. Max is 9 years old and for years has always been putting things together to help him get around, across, and through obstacles. My wife and I are waiting for him to up with that one brilliant idea that will let us retire.

We joke about this a lot but we never thought it really could happen. You see, with all of his disorders we didn’t think he would be able to accomplish all the great things we know he is really intelligent enough to do. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, Asperger’s (sometimes PDD instead), ODD, OCD, and anxiety among other things.

With all of the medication he is on we have been afraid that it would stunt his mental growth. Michael Moore, the creator of many movies including “Roger and Me”, once said if his parents had put him on medication for his ADHD he doesn’t think he would have accomplished what he has.

We have a parenting counselor who meets with us each week. She helps us work through Max’s issues. We told her how he wants to go to MIT and become an inventor. When we mentioned that we didn’t think he would succeed she told us not to bet on that. He’s smart, has the capabilities, and will probably pleasantly surprise us. She has spent a lot of time at MIT and she told us that most, if not all, of the students had similar issues and had worked through them to accomplish great things.

And he keeps inventing. Just the other day he built a rainforest in the backyard. He didn’t start out doing it. All he wanted to do was fill a barrel from the hose. His plan was to put on his bathing suit and climb into it; relaxing as if it were a hot tub. Only thing was it was a cold day and the water was icy.

It wasn’t long before his mind spawned the idea of a rainforest. He took the hose and attached a smaller one to it that has a sprayer on one end and a shut off valve on the other. He then climbed up a tree high enough to hide the sprayer in the branches but also low enough to reach the valve.

When he tested his invention he was standing under the tree in his bathing suit. He flipped the switch and a fine mist began to spray downwards. The water dripped off the branches and formed puddles in the dirt.

Max declared it a rousing success but too cold. He disappeared into the house. A few minutes later he returned still in his bathing suit but he had added a yellow rain slicker and yellow rubber boots. After a retest he was elated that it was working so well.

Once all his testing was completed he began rounding up the neighborhood kids to show them what he had made. Several children stood in the back yard and watched him dance in and around the misty rain. He tried to convince them to join him but not only was it too cold and wet, none were dressed appropriately. But all liked what he had accomplished.

My wife and I are now rethinking our opinion of what Max will be able to accomplish when he grows up. We don’t want to sell him short. I actually know an inventor who graduated from MIT. I’m going to ask him if he would spend some time mentoring my son.

Who knows, as our counselor says, Max will probably surprise us!

My son Max is a Cub Scout.  He has been one for 3 years now, moving up the ranks from Tiger to Bobcat to Wolf and now Bear.  I find this amazing.

Amazing because I never thought that he would get this far.  Yes, like other kids he dreams about going through Cub Scouts.  Then when he gets older going into Boy Scouts, Explorer Scouts, and eventually join the Army.

Initially we saw this as a great dream.  I had wanted to be a Cub Scout myself but it never happened.  I was a Boy Scout however, so I knew what he could get out of it.

Even better, I also knew that I would be going to the meetings with him and camping out with him and doing the activities with him.  Seemed like a win-win situation to me.

Ahhh, but reality can really throw some curve balls.  The year he joined was the year that his disorders began to get involved with everything he did.  I’ve posted about his problems at school and his hospital visits but I haven’t mentioned his scout meetings.  He would be wild, running, jumping, and climbing the pillars in the meeting hall.

Not only did the pack leader have to speak to me several times about his behavior we also missed quite a few meetings when he was in the hospital or was too uncontrollable to leave the house.

And then there were the campouts; he would be so excited he would still be talking at 2 a.m.  He would still be having meltdowns at 6 a.m.

Somehow through all of this he was able to collect activity and elective beads, and move from Tiger to Bobcat and on to Wolf.  For those who don’t know, Bobcat is an interim rank; Wolf is second year.  That year I worried and hovered a lot.  He was also very clingy and would sit in the back of the room with me rather than join in with the other scouts.  But at home he would tackle the electives with glee and ended up accomplishing more than his den mates.

This year he is a Bear.  It has been an exciting year for both of us.  From September to January I watched him slowly become more involved with the den and pack activities.  He is making friends and is not as clingy.  Today he will sit right up front with the rest of the boys and actually forgets that I am even there sometimes.

Even on museum overnights and campouts he will take off with his friends and I generally don’t have to worry about him.  I do though because I keep thinking he might relapse; get to wild; or even lose his temper and start hitting.

Max has been taking part in the activities this year.  He liked learning how to carve a bear out of soap.  He has been part of flag ceremonies and building models.

He has also been working on his electives and collecting arrowhead rewards.  The nice thing about these is that they are things that he does anyway so now he gets credit too.  He has built different electronic projects such as door bells and radios.

Right now he is working on his swimming belt loop and pin.  In a way this is an easy one.  He has been in the water since he was 6 months old, 8 and a half years.  We go swimming every Tuesday and Thursday too.  As a result he has basically whipped through all of the requirements and he is excited.

His only disappointment was that he wanted his snowboarding belt loop and pin this year too.  Unfortunately we had more rain than snow so he wasn’t able to complete everything he needed.  Well, there is always next year.

So I have been doing a lot of learning too.  I’ve discovered that just because Max has disorders such as asperger’s, bipolar, and adhd, none of these can or should keep him down.  He is able to learn just like every other kid.  He is able to have fun too.

And Dad doesn’t have to keep being an old mother hen hovering around him to protect him or keep him out of trouble.  He is learning how to do that himself.

I had a crazy dream early this morning.  I was in a company parking lot looking for my car.  All of a sudden a man started running wildly through it; he appeared to be in his twenties.  He was attacking people at random but it didn’t appear like he was trying to hurt them.  It seemed more like he was trying to get himself noticed.

The problem was that he was hurting them and no matter how much we tried to tell him this he ignored us and kept on with his play.  It got so bad that someone called the police who arrived and took him into custody.  They stayed long enough to question us before dispersing everyone. Afterwards the police left and I found myself alone.

Well, not alone, it seemed like the man had been forgotten.  But he hadn’t stopped playing; he continued running around the parking lot.  Now you could see how much fun he was having.  He was laughing as he started smashing things in his path.  I pulled out my phone and called 911.  When it was answered I told them what was happening.  They were very interested and started asking me questions.  I answered that we needed the police and for some reason when they were here before they did not take him with them.  This surprised them and they questioned me some more.

All of a sudden I had to interrupt the conversation; the man was now lifting up windshield wipers and snapping them off as he moved from car to car.  I spoke to him several times but it was if he couldn’t even hear me.  He then started running up the street and yelling exuberantly.  I tried to get the people on the phone to commit to sending another police car but they were still interested in asking more questions.

“Are you awake?”

It was my wife coming into the bedroom.

“Um, yeah, ” I muttered.

“I’ve been up since 4:30 with that boy.  Can you take him now?  It’s 5:30.”

I struggled out of bed still groggy.  I went downstairs to find him watching a video on the computer a friend had sent him.  Max is 8 years old and has been diagnosed with, among other things: adhd, bipolar disorder, and asperger’s syndrome/pdd-nos.  He is also very high energy; but this is not surprising since each of these disorders includes this as a symptom.  And we never know when he is going to get up in the morning; it can be any time between 3 and 7:30.  But when he does we expect a wild time until his meds start working.  This can include screaming, swearing, smashing things, or just happily doing marathons in the house.  Coupled with the med change he is going through right now, this has led to some hectic times.

By the time I got up he was calm and enjoying the video.  When it was over we moved to the living room to watch a fun movie starring Jackie Chan called “The Forbidden Kingdom” before he got dressed and headed off to school.

The dream has stayed with me this morning; does it have a meaning?

Like this man, Max likes to:

• Get into people’s space.

• Smack his Mom in the butt as he passes or run at me and bounce off my stomach while saying “Fat Daddy!”

• Toss things around but doesn’t expect them to break.

• Be noticed.

• Ignore people when they are talking, as if he is deaf.

• Run exuberantly around the house or down the street while yelling.

It seems like that this man could be the future Max.  However, I was talking to Max’s therapist this morning and I told him the dream.  He says that, even though this could happen, we still have time to change things.  The frontal lobe in his brain is still forming.  In boys it doesn’t become fully developed until they are 25.  We, as parents, will be taught the skills we need by the therapist to help develop it.  We will do this by helping Max learn the coping skills he will need later on in life to survive in the world.

What is the frontal lobe?

It is the part of the brain that is at the front of the head.  Scientists believe it may control the personality, emotions, and long-term memory. If it is damaged at all it can affect problem-solving and reasoning abilities.  Disorders such as adhd and bipolar disorder appear to be symptoms of this problem.

Why is this where we concentrate our efforts?

It seems that very young healthy children learn problem-solving and reasoning through play; this in turns develops the frontal lobe.  However, this result may be inhibited in children with a disorder.  If we teach Max these skills it will help it mature more properly.

Will this cure him?

Probably not but if we do our jobs correctly then Max won’t become the man in my dream.  He will have learned to control the behaviors that can cause these outbursts.

How is this going to work?

Max’s training started several months ago with his therapist and child advocate, and we have seen some changes.  But this is our first day of training.  As we continue to learn and apply our new skills I will write more about how it is progressing.

Children that are on medication for mood disorders such as ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, or Asperger’s syndrome have to be watched to see how they are reacting to the drugs.  Each one has side effects that parents have to be aware of.  ADHD medications, for example, can cause stomach upsets, weight loss, or insomnia.  Not only that but mood changes have to be monitored.  Quite often the prescribed dose will stop working over time and will either have to be changed or a different medication must be prescribed.

When making a med change parents must be aware of the procedures that need to be followed.  Some medications cannot just be stopped; they need to be weaned slowly over a period of days or weeks.  Similarly, other drugs may have to start at a smaller dose and then be increased to the required one.  Always follow your doctor’s recommendations.

My 8 year old son Max is in the middle of getting a med change.  In his case he is being treated for both ADHD and Bipolar Disorder.  He had been having large mood swings that were interfering with his relationships so something had to be changed.  His psychiatrist does not want to make any changes to the bipolar meds until he is weaned off of the ADHD stimulants so that he can see what changes can be made.

The doctor suggested doing it slowly.  We have reduced the stimulants from 3 doses per day to 2 so far.  Consequently we are seeing much wilder behavior but another change we have noticed has been in his eating habits.  Other recommendations for his ADHD medication have been:

Before all of this started Max was a very high energy kid and thin as a rail.  He exercised constantly and was proud of his “washboard” stomach or, as he calls them, his “6-pack Abs”.  His weight has always fallen into the low end of his height and age range.  This is a result of his suppressed appetite.

But as we decreased his stimulants we noticed that he was starting to eat more.  We have also increased his bipolar meds a bit and now he can eat voraciously at meals.  Where before we were practically begging him to eat, we are now doing the reverse: “No more food Max!”.

And over the passed few weeks we have also noticed that he is filling out.  My mother says that he is starting to look like a regular kid.  But I’ve that his cheeks are becoming fuller.  We are now going to have to watch that he doesn’t put on too much weight.  He won’t want to lose those abs!

Whenever our children are taking meds like this, especially if long term, we have to watch to see how their bodies and moods react.  It is not enough to say “Okay, got them on their meds, now I can relax.”  It doesn’t work that way.  As their bodies adjust, changes may have to be made.  One here or one there can cause wild changes in moods.  It can cause obesity or weight loss.  Some meds even require blood tests on a monthly basis to watch for possible liver damage.

We always have to be vigilant.

My son Max has been going through a medication change.  We haven’t completely cut out his stimulants yet; we have been trying to wean him off of them slowly at his psychiatrist’s recommendation.  When it is complete we will start working on balancing his bipolar meds.

As he comes off we have been seeing a lot of different changes with him.  For example:

• He has been very exuberant.  He laughs a lot now.

• He is finding more things exciting; he is enjoying life more.  It has been a lot fun taking him places.

• When he has a melt down it is easier  to separate himself from a situation so that he can calm down.

• Mornings before his meds have started working have not been nearly so stressful.

• He has been volunteering a lot more in school and in other places.

But with all of his joy we have seen more screaming, both bad and good.  Right now he can’t seem to do anything in moderation.  It’s either screaming with joy or screaming with anger.  He has to speed through every project.  We can’t go fast enough!

But Max has been finding so much more to do.  Two weeks ago we had a big storm; our basement was flooded.  He had to help me clean up.  He loves to clean!  This passed weekend there was a bigger storm. It started raining on Friday night and it is still going on Monday afternoon.  Luckily we were able to get a pump last time otherwise everything would probably be destroyed right now down there.

We haven’t gotten to the cleaning stage yet but he has been throwing on his rubber boots and splashing around in all of the water. I must admit I haven’t been as fun loving through this.  I haven’t been enjoying all the work:

“Max, stop all the splashing!”

“Okay, sorry Daddy.”  He would then try to tiptoe through the water but then:

“Max, I said stop all of the splashing!”

“Oh, I forgot.”  And again he would try to tiptoe.  I finally shut up; he’s just having fun.

His classroom results haven’t been the best at all right now though.  His teacher keeps telling us that he has to be spoken to a lot.  He can’t always settle down and get his work done.  Even though this is a special school they don’t seem to understand what he is going through.  Before he started coming off the stimulants Max was able to stay focused and get his work done.  Now he wants to do anything but his work.  The school is convinced he is not only trying to manipulate them but also after the big jump he took from third grade to fifth grade recently the work has been a lot harder for him.  Our response is that it wasn’t harder for him before the med changes and he was able to stay focused.

One final issue that I have noticed recently is the disrespect.  Last night he was sitting on the couch eating a bowl of ice cream while watching television.  In the process a few drops landed on a pillow and also on the cushion he was on.  I suggested he grab his napkin and wipe them up before they dried.  Rather than do it quickly he saluted me with both middle fingers and swore like a sailor.  I just shrugged and shut off the TV.  This really set him off and he left the room; but not before kicking me in the shin.

It took only a split second for me to wipe up the few drops.  As my wife said, at this time of day there was no way he was going to focus long enough to do it himself.  Perhaps not but the reaction was uncalled for.  He stayed in his toy room for a time out while throwing a couple of toys and continuing to swear.  When he was done letting off steam he was able to come out and apologize for his reactions.

Our first step in dealing with school and the disrespect is going to be to talk to his psychiatrist.  We want to know if:

• we should continue his med changes during the school year or should we wait until summer so that his work doesn’t suffer.

• will regular discipline resolve the disrespect that has been surfacing during this process.

Recently  I wrote a post about the new show “Parenthood”.  On the most recent episode we find the dad learning to accept some of his son’s issues.  Some parents may recognize this one, my wife and I certainly do.  The boy likes to wear costumes to school; in this particular case he was a pirate.  At first dad was adamant that he change into regular clothes but by the end of the show he was dressing as a pirate too.  “Avast ye lubber.  Get out ye sword and fight me!”

With all of the things Max is going through right now he doesn’t need his school and his dad sniping at him as he tries to adjust.  I think it is time we both dress as pirates and get into his world a little bit.