Posts tagged ‘depression’

I was talking to my therapist this morning.  I said “My family is unhappy.  My wife is unhappy.  My son is unhappy.”  In a quiet voice I followed that with, “and I’m unhappy”.  He had to get his hearing aids because he heard the first two statements but missed the third and thought maybe he just hadn’t heard it.  He got it the second time.

The three of us had a bit of trouble last night and I had been thinking about it on the trip to his office.  Why is everyone unhappy?

Before I get to that I want to mention the run in I had with a policeman this morning.  I was traveling down a main road that had breakdown lanes on each side.  I came to a point where there were trucks and backhoes working in the one on my side.  And of course there was the obligatory policeman.  He had stopped my lane of traffic so that trucks could move and men could sweep the street.  He was standing in the lane for oncoming traffic and he was signaling those cars to pass behind him in their breakdown lane.  This would seem that we would then have room to drive down a short distance on the lane he was standing in but we had to wait.

When he decided we could go he stepped into our lane and waved the cars on.  The oncoming cars were still traveling the breakdown lane so those in front of me pulled into the oncoming lane so they wouldn’t hit him.  As they passed him he began to scream, jump up and down, and point with both hands towards the lane he was standing in.

“Morons!  You are supposed to be driving in this lane!!  THIS LANE, IDIOTS!!”

After the first 3 cars passed him he jumped into the oncoming lane in front of me…good thing I was going slowly.

“Why are you following those morons??  Move over into that lane!” he said again pointing downwards with both hands.

I pulled my car into the correct lane and started to pass him.  I thanked him for directing me but that seemed to set him off more.

“You are a MORON for following THEM!!”

I responded “You’re a moron”.  Luckily my windows were closed.  When I thought about it later I wondered who the bigger moron was, us, or the person leading us.

I bring this story up because of the fact that I went from 0 to 60 in anger when this man yelled at me and called me a moron.  I certainly spent enough time worrying about him rather than about my family’s and my issues.  When I arrived at my therapist’s office I told him the story.  I brought up the question of depression again; am I depressed?  He doesn’t see it; he has told me this many times before.  I’ve also gone to doctors and they say the same thing; basically that I am sad, unhappy, and down in the dumps but I am not clinically depressed and the anger is a result of this.

I have a lot of things on my plate right now: no job, an 8 year old son with bipolar disorder, pdd/nos, and odd, and a wife with chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia.  The doctors believe once I get everything straightened out my mood will shift.  This is known as nonclinical depression.

On the other hand my wife has clinical depression.  The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) describes this as feeling sad, helpless, and hopeless.  She was taking medication for it but stopped when she became pregnant with Max.  After he was born she found that she couldn’t start taking it again because she was now getting a reaction from it.  She has tried many things since but nothing has helped.

And then there is Max; with his diagnoses and living with two parents who are unhappy what is a boy to do?  He already feels very different from other kids.  He has mood swings that bother him.  He’s constantly taking medicine that he doesn’t like.  And he has two parents that are very unhappy.  Even though they try to hide their feelings it still affects him.  As a result he is very unhappy and possibly depressed.

I would say that individually we are three depressed people but I find that combining us together is more than the sum of its parts.  We work off each other and things tend to get worse.  We become 3 times 3 times 3 depressed or depressed cubed.

What can we do about this?  Well, we are all in therapy separately.  We also have a family therapist.  My wife and I are looking for marriage counseling because as she said this morning we don’t want to divorce we just want to stop being unhappy.  I continue looking for work.  She is still looking for some medication that will provide relief while not killing her. And we both are continuing to find the best help for Max

You or your child has been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, depression, anxiety, oppositional defiance disorder (odd), bi-polar disorder, or another behavioral disorder. What do you do? You read all of the medical books about the subject. You or your children take the medications the doctor prescribes, and you practice the exercises given to you by therapists. Or perhaps a hospital stay is in order. Some people look at alternative ways to address their particular problem. They may diet, or take herbal supplements, or even practice yoga. The bottom line is these are all ways to help you improve your situation and make you appear “normal”!

But what if, biologically, you were designed for a different purpose and these disorders are manifestations preventing you from following this purpose?

Then along comes a book called The DaVinci Method to explain what that purpose may be. The subtitle of the book is “Break Out & Express Your Fire. Discover & Master the Fiery Temperament Shared by Great Leaders, Artists, Entrepreneurs & AD/HD-ers”. It was written by Garret LoPorto who is himself an entrepreneur, CEO, inventor, presenter at MIT, and an “AD/HD-er”.

His premise is that 10 percent of the population is made up of DaVinci types. A description of a DaVinci is someone who is impulsive, is a risk taker, is easily distractible, and is insightful or intuitive. A DaVinci also craves risk and excitement, has an addictive personality, rebels against authority, and thinks differently.

Does this describe someone you know?

Thousands of years ago humans lived in hunter-gatherer groups. The hunters were risk taking intuitives who provided the group with meat. The gatherers, who later evolved into farmers, worked hard but didn’t need to take risks so developed more complacent demeanors. Since they were in the majority these became what is now “normal”.

The hunters are out of place in today’s society. As they try to fit in, they attempt to suppress their personalities. As a result they develop what used to be known as “neurotic tendencies” and more recently given labels such as ADHD, ODD, or Bi-Polar Disorder.

LoPorto writes about what we can do if we have these disorders because it is not all doom and gloom. Jane Pauley is highly successful despite her Bi-Polar Disorder. Richard Branson has created his Virgin Airways and Virgin Records empire even though he is ADHD. And where does DaVinci come into this? He appears to be the first known person with ADHD. He was an explosive man who did not like to finish the things he started; he was a renaissance man who was an artist and scientist.

You might be saying “Well, that’s all well and good. Sounds nice, makes my diagnosis look better. But is there any scientific proof to all of this?”

LoPorto spends sometime discussing a gene called the DRD4-exon III which has been determined to be related to Novelty seeking personality traits. This same gene has also been associated with ADHD. People that have this gene tend to be policemen, fireman, warriors, and generals. This section was a little dry for me but gave me background into the rest of the book that describes ways to develop this gift and look past our struggle to be “normal”.

He also has a website known as The Davinci Nation that brings together people that recognize that they need to “express their fire”. Here they watch videos, read articles, and discuss with each other the progress they are making in breaking free of conformity.

Alright if I am a DaVinci type why are doctors trying to prescribe all of these medications for me? Well guess what, society wants everyone to be “normal”, follow the leaders, and not cause any trouble. It has no place for people who are “out of the box” thinkers, who take risks, and are impulsive. Some of us still succeed like Jane Pauley and Richard Branson but others in their attempts to suppress their personalities develop disorders that can be disruptive either to ourselves or society as a whole.

If you have a disorder such as ADHD, Bi-Polar Disorder, or ODD read the book, judge it for yourself, and then “break out and express your fire” too!