Posts tagged ‘foster kids’

“Little boy, 6 years old

A little too used to bein’ alone

Another new mom and dad, another school

Another house that’ll never be home

When people ask him how he likes this place

He looks up and says with a smile upon his face

This is my temporary home”

These words are from a song by Carrie Underwood.  They describe not just one boy but over 3,310,000 children in the United States alone that do not have a permanent home.  These are the foster kids; these are the homeless kids; these are the orphans in our midst.

Foster kids move around alot, they go from homes to programs to group homes and sometimes back to homes again.  Some of them can live in upwards of 21 different places by the time they are 15.  They get used to being in “temporary homes”. Why do they end up in so many different places?  There are a lot of reasons but in the end the foster parents, and the program and group home directors decide they cannot take care of these kids anymore.  Then off they go again to yet another place to live.  Some, like the little boy, just smile; others are angry, they either don’t understand what is happening to them or they resent it.

Homeless children live where they can.  It may be in cars or shelters or even on the streets.  Many of them are still with their parents who are homeless as well.  Some of them are alone.

Some orphans are foster kids, others live in institutions.  And whether they are orphans or foster kids when they reach adulthood they are moved out of the system to fend for themselves.

People are choosy when it comes to taking in children whether fostering or adopting.  I work part time for an organization called suitcases4kids.   This gives me an opportunity to meet foster parents. They love the work they do.  They are here for the kids.  Most of them feel blessed to have the opportunity to help them.

But I was talking to one woman the other day who wants to be a foster parent and she has conditions; she won’t take a child over 3.  Her reasoning is that before this age the kid isn’t “damaged”.  But you know what?  A child needs love no matter what age or condition.  I have also spoken to foster parents who specifically look for “damaged” ones because they know these kids need the most help.

The system works the best it can; its social workers are trying to help but it breaks their hearts to see what these kids go through.

Our kids need help!  As we move through this “Great Recession” these numbers are expected to rise and it is for many reasons such as parents finding they cannot support their own children anymore.

Okay, so you are being affected by the economy too so you cannot afford to take in a child or you are worried about their possible mental issues.  But there are other ways to help.  You can volunteer at a shelter.  You can donate money, clothes, or other items.  Give them love and give them support in any way you can so that our kids don’t feel abandoned!

And maybe they will be able to find something more than just “temporary homes”.

Foster kids are the ones that fall into the cracks.  Though the foster care system does a good job tracking them, the rest of us don’t seem to notice them at all.

Have you ever met a foster kid?  He’s the one that has been moved from home to hospital to program and back to another home.  She is the one that finds a lot of difficulty bonding with a family because she knows she will be uprooted and moved again.  They are the ones that have lost their self esteem.  What can we do to help them rebuild their confidence?We received a letter written by one such foster kid who has been shuffled around all his life.  In it he describes being taken away from his parents when he was only 2 years old and in the process he and his brother were split up.  He was placed into a foster home for only a short period of time but was then moved to several other places; he has forgotten how many.

This boy, CJ, talks about the first time he went into a program; he was 7 years old and very frightened.  He was carrying everything he owned in garbage bags and he says, “Someone must have thought it was trash and one of the bags that had my toys in it got lost”.

From here he moved to another foster home and then another.  Every time he used trash bags to carry his belongings and in the process pictures of his real family were bent or torn.  He believes that in the next two years he was moved 8 times and still with those trash bags.  Today he is in a home with a loving and caring family and he hopes that he will be there for a long time.

As the letter goes on it describes his emotional pain, the different medications he is put on, and the homes he is placed in and subsequently pulled out of.
CJ is quiet and reserved.  In big groups he will sit in a corner by himself or stay very close to his foster dad.  He doesn’t form attachments very easily and it took him a long time to even be willing to call this man “Dad”.  In school he, like other foster children, is drawn to those like himself.  He senses they will understand who he is and where he is at.

There are 500,000 foster kids just like CJ in the United States alone.  Each and every one of them is crying out for help.  There are many reasons why they end up in the foster care system.  These include:

• No parents

• One or both parents has problems such as drugs or alcohol

• The child may have a disorder that the parents cannot handle that result in explosive tantrums, physical violence towards themselves or others, or something else

• Child and/or sexual abuse

A lot of foster homes find themselves unprepared or unwilling to handle tougher cases so, like CJ, these kids move around a lot.  They go to places that try to help like hospitals, group homes, and special programs and each time there is a breakthrough foster families are tried again.  But in the process these kids lose their self esteem and they are afraid to bond with anyone because they don’t want to experience the pain of losing yet another loved one.

What can you do to help?

• Learn more about these kids

• Mentor a child

• Befriend one

• Volunteer at a program or group home

• Welcome a child into your home

My son and I spend a lot of time with several kids.  There is a foster family not too far from us and we witness first hand how the parents interact with them.  We have been swimming, mountain climbing, and just plain barbequing with the boys.  They thrive on the interaction with us especially since my son has some of the same issues that they do.

There is also another way you can help.  An organization called Suitcases 4 Kids has a mission to provide each child with his or her own suitcase, backpack, or duffel bag.  They rely on kind hearted people in the community to donate them.  Foster kids, like CJ, generally move around a lot.  I have known some that have been put in 14 to 21 different places by the time they were 13 years old.  And each time they move with their belongings in trash bags.  Talking to social workers I have found that this is very common and they find it heartbreaking.

I have been working with Suitcases4kids for awhile now and I always find it gratifying when I drop off suitcases.  There is always at least one foster child around who will take them from me and bring them into the office.  And their eyes grow big as I hand each to them and they are always very surprised and grateful.

What are you doing with that extra suitcase, duffel bag, or backpack?  Send it to one of these children. Go to Suitcases4kids to find out how.