Posts tagged ‘kids’

My son Max and I don’t have a lot of good Father and Son moments. Usually one of us gets angry and then we end up not speaking to each other for awhile. This generally happens when someone imagines that the other is doing something inappropriate.

Because of that I like to celebrate the few times that things go fantastically well when we are out together. Recently we had such a moment.

On Monday Max came to me and he said “Dad, can we go to the aquarium this week?” He was speaking about the New England Aquarium in Boston. I asked him when he would like to do it and he told me Wednesday. This would work because he has a half day at school every Wednesday. I told him I would think about it.

I talked it over later with his Mom and she brought up a good point. Max rarely asks us to take him to places like this. Usually we will suggest something and he will respond enthusiastically. That’s not to say he won’t ask to go places but it is generally to a store, fast food restaurant, or friend’s house. He almost never asks to go somewhere exciting.

We decided it would be a perfect thing to do so I jumped online to buy tickets. We have found from experience that we can buy them once we get there but on a good day it can take an hour or more just to get up to the ticket booth.

On the big day I drove to his school and met him at noon coming out of the door. From there we drove to the subway station; he loves riding the trains. Once we were seated in the car I mentioned that we had two options:

• Change trains and take the second right to the door of the aquarium

• or get off the train at Government Center and walk fifteen minutes through Faneuil Hall to get there.

He opted for the second route but when we got off the train at our stop we found ourselves on a narrow street surrounded by quite a few tall buildings. I turned to a street vendor and asked him how to get to the hall. He smiled and said “Very easy.”

He led me to a spot in the sidewalk, “Do you see these two lines? Follow them; they will take you right there.” I was surprised but as I directed Max to lead us it dawned on me what we were on. It is known as the Freedom Trail. It is actually a line of bricks bordered by stones and set flush into sidewalks and pavements. If you follow the trail it will bring you to 16 historical Revolutionary sites in Boston.

My son was very enthusiastic about taking us to the hall and we followed it through twisting streets and around corners until we came into the Quincy Marketplace which is part of the Faneuil Hall complex. From there it was a just a short walk over to the bay and up the aquarium concourse.

Since it was now 1 o’clock we decided to have lunch before starting the tour so we headed up to the restaurant on the second floor. This was marvelous my son was not balking at having something to eat. After a hot dog for him and a burger for me we went in to see the fish tanks.

One thing about Max: he is a speed viewer. That is, no matter whether we are visiting a museum, zoo, or aquarium he cannot stop in one place to see the exhibits. Because of his ADHD he will end up walking fairly quickly past each one with barely a glance. Interestingly enough he can tell you all about it in every detail later on. He doesn’t miss a thing.

Today was different. When we walked in the door the first thing we saw was the large penguin area. It is divided up into 4 quadrants; each holding a different type. Instead of moving passed them he went up to the nearest group and leaned over the balcony to stare down at the birds.

For a half an hour he stayed in this one spot watching them preen themselves, swim, and talk to each other. He was utterly fascinated. He even laughed when someone shone a flashlight with a fish-shaped beam into the water. The penguins dove at the light trying to capture a “meal”.

Once he was done he took the ramp to the top of the main fish tank. If you haven’t been there, the aquarium has a four story cylindrical tank in the center of the building full of different types of fish. It stands in the middle of the penguin pen and the ramp spirals around it to the top. It is also made of thick clear glass so as visitors climb they can see different levels of fish from those that live at the bottom of the ocean all the way to the ones that swim near the surface.

Today we noticed that the large shark seemed to be pacing us as we headed upwards. He stayed at our level the higher we went and Max loved it. But when we neared the top he disappeared.

At the peak the tank is open and surrounded by a balcony where visitors hang over and see the fish and giant sting rays. No viewing would be complete however without…Max excitedly pointed down to the aquarium’s mascot: Myrtle the Turtle. She is a large green sea turtle over 70 years old.

When we tired of touring the exhibits Max decided he wanted to walk back the way we came to the subway and stop to check out Faneuil Hall. As we walked down the concourse it started to rain so Max changed his mind; he wanted to just get on the train at the aquarium stop instead. Good thing, literally as we stepped through the station doors there was a huge boom of thunder and a lightening bolt overhead. We were glad he made that decision.

Once we got back to the car and headed home we stopped for dinner at our favorite restaurant. He was off to bed once we got back to the house.

As you can see it was a very nice outing. There were no hyper moments. There were no tantrums from either one of us. There were no disagreements about what was going on. We both seemed to be totally in tune with each other.

It is at times like these that I really love a good dad and son day!

It is Sunday; no school today. We had a very active and sometimes unhappy boy today though. As a result his Mom and Dad were totally exhausted by noon; and we still had a half a day to get through.

I’ve written a lot about how Max needs structure for things to run smoothly. Weekdays are great because he is in school which has a set program. He gets home around 3:30 but then he has counselors and mentors in to play with him. On the off days he may find a friend available to play with.

Weekends are always a problem since it is difficult to structure Saturday and Sunday for Max. This last Sunday nothing was set up so we were worried how it would go for him.

But the way things went you would think we had actually structured the day. This was Max’s schedule:

• 6 a.m.

My wife and I were startled awake by a scream and a jarring bounce on our bed. My son was awake and raring to go. We, of course, were groggy and not ready to roll out of bed. With a lot of prompting my wife struggled up to start the day. Fifteen minutes later he was after me to come into his room which I finally was able to do.

• 6 to 7 a.m.

We were subjected to a lot of screaming and cursing. Nothing was going right for him. Needless to say, there were a lot of time outs and more grumbling.

• 7 to 8 a.m.

Dad and son went down to the football field to toss and kick the ball around. I was not quite ready for this but Mom needed a little bit more sleep so off we went. We had a great time; he did all the running; he and I did all the throwing, kicking, and catching.

Several times Max asked me to dive for the ball but there was no way his old man was going to do something like that, especially that early in the morning.

• 8 to 9 a.m.

My wife and I realized that this would be a great time to take Max to get his blood tests. We called the hospital and they told us that since it was so early no one would be in the blood lab. Right now it is only available to patients but they would be able to fit him in.

But even though it was a great time it didn’t go without a lot of problems.

• 9 to 10 a.m.

Once we got home we finally had breakfast. My wife and I have been drinking these great fruit shakes. It is my job to make then. We sat and drank them along with some turkey bacon.

Max had a toaster waffle and watched a little bit of television.

• 10 to 10:30 a.m.

Now my son started screaming and whining again. What are we going to do until 12 o’clock? He knew that he had a playdate at that time but he was too anxious to wait.

• 10:30 to 11:30 a.m.

We put up with Max’s issues for awhile but then realized we would need snacks to take with us at noon. Dad and Max went shopping; we picked up a bag of veggie chips and a bag of red hot corn chips. But of course if Max had had his way we would have bought a lot more than that.

• 11:30 a.m. to 12 p.m.

There was more whining. Dad did his best to distract his son as Mom finished getting ready for the playdate.

• 12 to 4 p.m.

We met up with Max’s friend at the local pond. The boy was there with his brother and grandmother. My son met this boy in Cub Scouts. I’ve noticed that separately he and Max are both hyperactive. But together it was wild. Just watching them was exhausting.

• 4 p.m. to 7 p.m.

When the boys got tired of swimming we came home. Since it was still early we brought Max’s friend with us. Both boys showed up at the house still hyper. The first thing they did was ride bikes and later disappeared down to the football field to play.

The other boyfriend has ADHD like Max, and is very hyperactive too. Unlike my son he gets silly; we haven’t seen him angry. He is on meds though just like Max.

At one point he felt sick and wanted to go home but there was no one there to take care of him so we kept him longer. Very soon he was better and out skateboarding.

After he left my wife commented that it is wonderful to have playdates but we don’t think they should last 7 hours….

• 7 p.m. to 8 p.m.

We can’t forget that Monday is a school day so we wanted Max to have a shower before going to bed. But we would have had to hold him up and wash him ourselves because he was pretty close to sleep walking by then. We put him to bed and made sure he showered in the morning when he got up.

So this was our “unstructured” day. Originally we had only planned a two hour playdate but as you can see everything just fell into place to keep Max occupied all day.

It would be nice if every weekend day could be like this.

On Sunday it dawned on us that Max need his drug levels tested. His psychiatrist had been asking for weeks for a report. She needed to know how much Depakote was in his system. Too much can cause liver problems. It had been difficult to schedule because we had to take him before he had gotten his morning meds.

Today appeared to be the best day to get him up to the hospital. When he first heard our plan Max dug his feet in. He was not going; he hates having the needle stuck into his arm. We were able to persuade him that the last few times things had gone really well and it would be quick. Ha, ha, famous last words.

Once we were there it looked promising. The parking lot was empty and there were no patients in Admitting. We sat down with the intake person and handed over the order from Max’s psychiatrist. In the process of filling things in the girl noticed that the doctor’s full name wasn’t available. We didn’t know the first name and the hospital wasn’t willing to accept incomplete information. They looked the name up in the hospital directory but couldn’t find it.

I left my wife and son to drive home to get it. Just as I pulled into the driveway I got a call that the hospital had found her correct name. By the time I got back the paperwork was done and everyone was ready to walk over to the blood labs. There we turned in my son’s records and then had to sit and wait.

This wasn’t going well. The longer Max waits the more he starts thinking. We knew that if the technician didn’t get us quickly he would decide he really didn’t want to do this. But he was good. When he was finally called he went into the lab without a problem.

All the way down he talked about how he had done this before and he wasn’t afraid. He hopped up into the chair and presented his arm.

But this is where the fun started. Sadly, I am being facetious here. As the girl took his left arm he asked if someone could hold his hand. The supervisor came over and grasped his right hand. At the same time she took his left hand and held it down. After this two mistakes were made.

If you have ever had blood drawn you know that when you stretch your hand out there are several steps they follow:

• They wrap an elastic tourniquet around your upper arm long enough to find a vein.

• Once found they clean the area around it.

• You now clench your fist.

• The needle is slid into the vein. You might feel a pinch.

• Once it is in place you are told to unclench your fist. This allows the blood to run freely.

• The technician attaches a tube to the needle and takes some blood. She will repeat this step until the required number of tubes are filled.

• When done, the needle is removed. A cotton swab and band-aid replaces it.

• You are finished.

The first mistake the technician made was with the needle. She slid it into the vein after having him clench his fist but rather than leave it there she began to move it.

Imagine your arm lying stretched out on a clock; your hand is pointing towards the 12. The needle is inserted from the 12 in the direction of the 6. Being dissatisfied with the positioning she turns the needle to the 9 o’clock position. Nope, it didn’t work. It is now switched to 3 o’clock before settling back in the 12 to 6 position. In the process she lifts and lowers it a couple of times. Imagine how that would feel.

As could be expected Max howled and we were stunned. We had never seen such a botched job.

Once the needle was in place and the first tube was inserted Max was never told to open his fist so the blood trickled out slowly and painfully. He cried the whole time.

When it was done they congratulated my son on how brave he had been and gave him some graham crackers. Just before we left my wife turned to them and told them that we had never had problems bringing him in for blood tests but he would probably not want to do it again. He had never been in so much pain and in fact until now he had only ever felt “the pinch”.

I am convinced they sent someone new down to practice on my son. Why else would a supervisor offer to hold his arm down while she was working? That had never been done previously. It is true the first time Max gave blood he sat on my lap and howled but that was before the needle ever came near him. He was very young at the time. It took over an hour but when it was finally completed I think he was surprised how little it hurt.

Even though he has never liked having it done the only struggles we had were when we tried to get him there. Once he was in the seat he would always sit through it without a whimper.

And he always gets a prize when it is over. Today he got a pen with four different inks inside. He can switch to whichever color he chooses at any one time. He has been asking for one of these for awhile and today he got it.

Even though he has his prize my wife and I know it is going to be a real struggle from now on to get him there. Why do they have to let novices practice on our children?

Frankly, I would like to get Max off any drug that requires blood tests anyway. And I would be much happier if he could get off of the drugs all together!

The beginning of last week end was a blast!

On Thursday Max and I went camping in the White Mountains. This started out as an experiment. Except for Cub Scout overnights my son and I have never gone away by ourselves. I wanted to see how we would handle any meltdown he might have in front of other people. He was great; nothing happened.

Friday we took the Cog Railway up Mount Washington. Our original plan was to just drive up, do the train, and then come home. We both decided that a 5 hour round trip drive would be just too much so we added the camping. Max and I had a lot of fun “riding the rails” and being on top of the mountain.

But then we came home. We walked in the door on Saturday morning…and all hell broke loose. The fun and good times were completely forgotten. Max snapped. Nothing we did was right. He was screaming and yelling. Several times he threatened to hit us.

He spent more time getting time outs and consequences for the rest of the weekend. We noticed that he was unhappy as well.

What prompted all of these?

• Maybe he doesn’t like end of the fun times.

• Or perhaps it is similar to the way a lot of kids with disorders go through school life. That is, they are able to keep things together during the day but once they get home they are in a safe environment where they can lose control.

• My wife believes that this is the same as when we go away whether for one day or several. Max is able to keep in control during the trip but then he needs that release time once he gets home.

But then Max and Dad are tired once we get home. For whatever reason we tend to be grumpy too. I know that my son reacts badly to my bad humor.

• Our doctor is convinced it is due to the food Max eats. He won’t touch any of the meals his Mom creates. It is not because they are terrible; they are in fact quite good. As a result he tends to eat both junk and fast foods on a regular basis which isn’t terribly healthy.

It could be any or all of these reasons. Or it could be something else.

But I think that whatever it is Max’s reactions are not the result of conscious thought. I believe that he is having such a good time he doesn’t realize that he is winding tighter and tighter like a spring. When he finds a safe place like home the catch on the spring lets lose and he loses control

Once that happens he doesn’t know how to stop his explosions. And the longer they go on the more escalated he gets.

One thing I do know is that he is very unhappy while this is going on. When the storm subsides he is very apologetic. He has also been known to cry, like this weekend…which is very rare for him. He thinks that he should never show tears.

By Sunday evening things were back to normal. Of course, it was bedtime and he was asleep almost immediately. Both my wife and I slept through several programs on the couch.

So it turned out to be an exciting weekend. The first part had a lot of ups. The second half was very down. We are hoping that the tools that his counselors are teaching him and changes in his diet will help level things off so that we can go away more often.

In the end we want him to be a happier kid.

Last Thursday my son and I went camping at Mount Washington in New Hampshire. Our initial goal was just to ride the Cog Railway up to it but since it is a 5 hour drive round trip we decided to break it up. That is, we would drive up on Thursday. Spend the night at a camp ground and then do the train on Friday. After that we would go home.

Mount Washington is the tallest mountain in the Northeastern part of the United States. It is over 6200 feet high and is known for its dangerous and very changeable weather. But today we got some surprising news: at the top it was 63 degrees and very little wind. This meant we would be able to leave the winter coats in the car.

I had heard for years how exciting the train ride was up the mountain. One friend told me that it was worth any price…but take a lot of pictures.

When Max and I arrived we were presented with something out of the past. This small train was built in the mid 1860s and sits outside a large old train station. There are actually 10 of them which consist of a passenger car that holds about 60 people and a small engine that pushes it up the slope.

To give you an idea what it looks like I found this clip on YouTube:

When we first arrived Max and I had to check in. This meant converting the tickets we got online into real ones. Then we had to wait. The train hadn’t arrived back down the mountain from its first trip so we wandered around taking pictures. This one is of the first train used on the line:

This picture came from the Cog Railway website. Max’s photos have not been developed yet.

It wasn’t long before we heard an “ALL ABOARD” bellowed from the train conductor. The passengers lined up ready to hand in their tickets. I had made sure that Max and I were first because I knew he’d love the seats just inside the door. These would give a perfect view of the tracks in front of us as we chugged up the side of the mountain.

As we settled in the conductor informed us we were sitting in one of the new biodiesel trains. They still have one that is powered by coal and that runs once a day at 9 am. I must say this was our only disappointment because we had been looking forward to that one. I also noticed that the whistles are different. The newer ones sound like a regular train whistle.

I won’t go into any detail about the ride up. The nice thing was that the conductor also acted as our tour guide pointing out notable objects along the way. It took an hour and we not only passed many hikers climbing along the tracks but also a lot of incredible sights. Max enthusiastically took pictures on the way to the top. At the peak I couldn’t resist photographing him standing next to the summit marker.

But of course once there the first thing he found was the requisite gift shop. This is where his buying addiction kicked in. He was more interested in getting the moose back scratcher, the Mount Washington Park Ranger badge, and the “this bike climbed Mount Washington” bumper sticker than seeing the sights.

This was totally different from when we hiked up Mount Monadnock last fall. Then he couldn’t get enough of climbing the rocks and pointing out the sights to his struggling old man.

We spent an hour on top of the mountain before it was time to board the train again and head below. On the way down the conductor became the brakeman. It was now his job to spin the massive wheels at the front of the passenger car to make sure we didn’t descent too quickly. Like on the way up it took an hour to get back to the train’s base station.

This is another clip from YouTube showing the return trip:

As I mentioned earlier it is never a complete trip unless Max is begging to buy stuff. But I’ll tell you one thing, on the way down that scratcher did a great job on my back and on his. But like everything else he buys my son forgot about his new prizes immediately after returning to our home in Massachusetts.

The big plus about our trip is that except for the buying Max’s disorders did not present themselves very much. This was a good thing. I had been worried that this could be a make or break event. That is, if he wasn’t able to remain calm and enjoy the time we had we just might not be able to do it again.

But it was successful and we are now planning our next trips for the summer.

I can’t wait!

Recently I was talking to my 9 year old, Max. It is summer now and I mentioned that we hadn’t started planning what we will be doing. I asked him what he would like. He said,

“I want to go camping.”

“Great idea. Where do you want to camp?”

“At Mount Washington.”

“I like that. And what do you want to do when we are there?”

“Take the cog railway to the top of the mountain.”

“You know, I think that is a great plan. Why don’t we do it.”

“When?”

“We will leave on Thursday.” Today was Sunday.

Max was excited; he couldn’t wait.

I didn’t tell him I had already planned the trip to Mount Washington in Northern New Hampshire on Thursday. We would camp out overnight and take the train up the mountain on Friday morning. I had already bought the train tickets and scheduled the campsite. Except for packing we were all set to go.

Isn’t it nice we think alike?

Because Max is still in school and has afternoon programs it was my job to pack and get ready. I cleaned and packed the tent and sleeping bags, food, water, and clothes. But then of course there were other things that Max wanted to take. By the time the car was loaded it looked like we were going for a week instead of one night.

And then there were his meds. I was a little worried about how I was going to keep track of all of them. My wife came up with a great idea. She bought a box of those small yellow envelopes. She then loaded them up with the correct dosages. After that she labeled them with their days and times. Perfect.

I suppose it would have been easy if Max’s meds were all the same each time of day but they are set up so that he gets different ones at different times. Not only that some of them have to be cut in half. The envelopes worked great!

Since we were leaving on Thursday he ended up missing two days of school. Generally this would be a problem because he loves going but this was a special case. He was genuinely excited about going north.

The drive took 3 hours so we were both ready to relax when we got there. As we went to check in at the camp I noticed Max was getting worried. I asked him what the problem was and he pointed to several signs posted around the door. We were in bear country. These were warnings to watch out for them.

I spoke to the camp owner and he assured me that he hadn’t seen a bear come through in two years. That was great but a short time later Max was talking to his kids. They informed him that they saw one every day during the school year. They would pass it on the bus as they passed through the next town over. Apparently the residents were feeding it. It seemed like they were trying to make it a pet. But if they weren’t careful they would be in for a rude awakening. Bears don’t make good pets.

We spent the afternoon swimming in the pool and Max made friends. One little girl he met was disappointed. It seems that her older sister had been the one to encounter the camp bear two years before. She wanted to see one too but it hadn’t happened yet. Her family only had two days left at their campsite.

Dinner was fun; not really. I had set up the grill to cook hot dogs and beans but it took over an hour just to get the coals hot enough. I always use a chimney to get things going since I don’t use lighter fluid. It generally takes 20 minutes before the food goes on. That night it took over an hour to get a half way decent fire.

While I was waiting to cook Max kept bringing new friends over to see what was happening so they got to see the non-cook at work.

After dinner and some ice cream that we got at the camp store Max was ready for bed. He was asleep by 8:00. Not having anything else to do I turned in and was asleep by 8:30. I ended up waking at midnight and just lay there thinking about bears. I kept imagining them snuffling around the tent.

In the meantime my son was restless. He kept sitting up, looking around, and then lying down. Several times he would call me; convinced I was gone. I would calmly tell him I was still there sleeping beside him.

In the morning we struggled awake and ate breakfast. After that we headed out to the Mt Washington Cog Railway to ride up the mountain. This was sort of a compromise. We really wanted to ride the train even though we had the options of driving up or climbing. I had been told it was too scary by car and climbing could take a very long time.

The drive from the campsite to the mountain is gorgeous. We were in the middle of the Presidential Range which is in the northern most part of the White Mountains. Every where you look there is a mountain or a steep hill covered in greenery.

The one draw back is that there is not alot of cell phone service. We learned that if you are driving and you find a connection pull over quickly. It can be lost just as quickly as it was found. When we discovered one we called Mom to tell her what was going on.

We had to let her know that plans had changed. Originally after the train ride we were going to head home but we decided to stay one more night. She liked this idea since it meant more time for her to relax. And luckily she had packed extra meds just in case.

After that we continued on the road to the train. When I planned the trip I made sure that our stops weren’t too complicated. The camp was 10 miles from the highway on a smaller road and the train was another 10 miles off the same road. So everything was easy.

After the train it was more swimming and playing at the camp. I tried to cook again that night but I couldn’t get the coals working at all so Max and I decided to go out for dinner. We found a nice family restaurant, ate, and then returned to camp for another ice cream. I was able to keep my son up a little later that night but we were both asleep by 9.

It was another restless night for both of us. It didn’t help that a family with two large dogs arrived in the evening to start their vacation. The dogs barked and the people partied until 4 in the morning. Now mind you it wasn’t just a bunch of kids. It was Mom and Dad, Grandma, and two teenagers. All were up having a good time.

During the night they wandered up and down the camp roads talking and shining their flashlights into the tents. It seems that one of them had had too much to drink and kept crashing into things; apologizing as they went. I didn’t mind too much because I figured that the noise was keeping away the bears.

Then the rain started; it was about 3 am. I could hear it pelting against the tent as it fell. Max slept through it until about 5. He really needed to go to the bathroom so we climbed out of the tent. Since we didn’t bring any rain gear with us we threw towels over our heads and headed out.

The rain had been coming down so hard we found that everything was flooded. Max and I slogged to the restrooms in 4 inch of deep water. When we got done we headed back to our tent where we found that the site had also flooded and everything including the tent was soaked.

We packed everything up and stowed it all in the car. And then we sat huddled in it until the office opened at 8. During that time we noticed that in the next site over the dogs were missing; the tents were gone; and the two pickup trucks had disappeared.

I assumed that they couldn’t handle the rain and had left long before us. After we got home someone suggested that maybe they had been thrown out for all of the noise. There was a rule after all that quiet time was from 9 at night to 7 in the morning. They certainly weren’t quiet.

It was a wonderful trip though the rain put a damper on our last day. Our revised plan had been to spend the morning swimming before checking out at noon. After that we were going to stop at a place called “The Basin” to do some hiking. We were expecting to get home by 4 in the afternoon.

However, with all of the torrential down pours we headed straight for home and arrived at 11 o’clock.

My regular readers may have noticed that this post was a little different than most. Generally I talk about Max’s disorders or some other illness that is being addressed. Except for the mention of medications at the beginning there was nothing to talk about.

My son thrived on being out in the wilderness. I can almost imagine him living outside permanently when he is older. There were no upsets; he just had fun.

Except for the fact that Dad was a little grumpy, everything was perfect.

It is the 4th of July weekend. 4 days of fun in the sun, barbeques, fireworks, beaches, and relaxation.

But in our family that never happens. My son Max gets extremely agitated if his time is not structured. He needs to know what is happening every minute of the day. He doesn’t like relaxation time. He wants to keep moving.

During the week he knows that from the moment he gets up in the morning at 6:00 he will be:

• having breakfast, getting dressed, doing homework

• riding to school on the van at 7:20

• at school for 6 hours from 8:30 to 2:30

• coming home on the van at 2:30

• then seeing one of his counselors or mentor for an hour or two hours playing with Dad or friends until bedtime fitting in dinner somewhere along the way

Weekends are tougher to schedule. A lot of his friends are not around. He has trouble playing by himself. If my wife and I can’t come up with things to do he becomes short tempered and agitated. Nothing is right and we all end up miserable.

And forget about long holiday weekends. Unless every moment of every day is accounted for we will be subject to explosion after explosion. Max would not be able to function properly without knowing ahead of time what he will be doing.

My wife and I planned as much as we could. Friday night we all went to a concert down on the town common. While there Max discovered free pony rides and a jump house. That kept him occupied for quite some time. And of course he had the requisite hotdogs and ice cream topped off with some Sprite.

Saturday was more of the same. The town festival lasted for 3 days this year so Max was able to ride the ponies some more. And there were two additions to the schedule: the road races and the fireworks. But as usual since this was Saturday, in the morning Max and I went to breakfast with my father-in-law.

This made for a very long day for Max. He tends to be an early riser; usually 5 or 6 in the morning. On Sunday however he didn’t wake up until 8:30. He probably would have slept even longer but our cat didn’t like it. He constantly howled at the door until Max awoke and let him into the room.

Sunday we saved for church, and a barbeque at my niece’s house. On Monday Max and I started doing some planning for a trip we are making toward the end of the week. We then spent the afternoon at the beach.

If you have read this far it sounds like it was just a nice weekend. It certainly isn’t too bad right now. I am writing this on the beach while I watch Max in the water swimming and meeting the kids. Right now he is floating on his boogie board and chatting up the girls. It is 4:40 and I suspect he will want to stay at least until 6:30.

That is fine with me. I can continue working while I watch him enjoying himself. I haven’t joined him in this pond yet. The last time I was here I picked up an infection so I am a little nervous about going in.

But it hasn’t all been good this weekend. The structure we put in place has helped tremendously. I think this has been the best long weekend we’ve spent so far. Max has had a lot of meltdowns and problems though. Playing with friends at the fireworks got him pretty agitated. And the barbeque on Sunday was extremely trying for him.

Even with all of that I think it has been the best long weekend we’ve spent together so far.

But I’d rather see him have fun. If we can get Max exercised and concentrating on good things it keeps the problems to a minimum. As a result my wife and I are able to relax and enjoy things too.

Saturday July 3rd was a very exhausting day for my son Max. But it didn’t end early. It is part of the 4th of July weekend. What would this holiday be without fireworks? No matter how tired he was there was no way he would miss it.

Our town has a nice display every year. But because of the recession and cut backs in the town budget we sometimes miss one. This year everything was donated which was an awesome help.

We always have a choice where we want to watch them. We can sit in our back yard and get a perfect view; we are that close. There is also the option of sitting on a neighbor’s front yard down the street. They have a nice view too but in addition it always turns into a small party with everyone stopping by.

But the spot Max likes best is the school field where the fireworks are shot off. It is only a 5 minute walk from our house so it is an easy choice. And since we don’t have to drive, there are no parking or traffic problems for us.

Generally we grab a blanket and find a spot where we can lie back and watch the sky. There are always lots of people around us so it becomes a real community thing. But if we forget the bug spray we’re in trouble!! Too many mosquitoes this time of year.

This night turned out to be a little different than the rest however. I had been talking to a friend in town earlier in the evening. He and his boys were planning to go as usual but they generally sit on the other side of the field from the display area. He was wondering if he would be able to park this year because there were more people out than there have been in previous ones.

I suggested he park at my house and we would walk over. He thought that was a splendid idea and showed up at 8:30 with two of his boys. Max was ecstatic to have some friends to watch the fireworks with. But they couldn’t be happy with just walking down. The 3 boys pulled bikes and scooters out of the garage and met us over there.

When the adults got there we spread out the blanket; sprayed everyone with bug spray; and settled down to wait. But of course Max couldn’t just sit, he never does. He was up and about running and dancing around all the people that were arriving.

But now we were experiencing 3 boys: Max and his 2 friends. They all have the same issues: adhd, asperger’s, etc. All found it difficult to stay still. They were running and wrestling and causing general mayhem. We had to speak to them at least a thousand times but nothing worked. That is until the fireworks started; then they settled down.

In the mean time my buddy was trying to find his older two boys. They were supposed to be meeting us there but they hadn’t shown up. Even though we were just across the field neither of them could find us. He spent a good half hour on the phone with them before he gave up and told them to meet him at the back door of the school. Both have asperger’s just like their younger brothers; my friend fosters kids like this. After he left we didn’t see him again until the fireworks were over.

The end result is that my wife and I ended up shepherding Max and the 2 younger boys during the display. Luckily we only had to speak to them a couple of times after their Dad left. They were totally in awe over the show and just stared at the sky once it started.

When it was over we guided them back to our house. The traffic picked up and the boys were riding in and around the cars. We had to stop them and make them walk the bikes to the garage to keep them safe. All the while Max was getting even more hyper and it continued until my friend showed up to take the boys home.

And oh by the way; he didn’t find the older two. He just told them on the phone to meet him at a pizza shop near the school after he picked up the younger ones.

It was a long day. Max, his mom, and I were exhausted. We all dropped into bed and for the first time, as I’ve mentioned in several recent posts, my son slept really late the next morning. I like bringing it up so much because my wife and I were able to relax; wake up when we were ready; and do our morning routines without any issues. Hey, I could do with more of these!

The fireworks were great. It was nice having the boys with us but I think next year we will go with just one hyperactive kid. Or maybe not, it isn’t so different either way.

On Saturday during the Fourth of July weekend we got an invitation to a barbeque being held by one of my nieces on Sunday. This was great. I’ve talked about the structure my son Max needs to function. Sunday was a big hole for us. Certainly we had church in the morning but nothing was planned for the afternoon.

When Max discovered we were going he was extremely excited. He could barely contain himself as we drove up north. He likes my niece and her sister a lot but they are quite a bit older and have kids. My niece has an 8 year old son that Max enjoys playing with. My boy is 9.

He insisted on bringing his bicycle and scooter which we crammed into the back seat. This meant he had to sit cross legged for the 40 minute drive. He sat in back with them while my wife and I stayed up front.

Upon arrival he wasted no time in pulling out the bike and running over to meet his cousin’s son. They both disappeared down the street while my wife and I went in to greet the adults.

As I said Max needs structure to keep him balanced. We’ve done a pretty good job this weekend with the town festival on Friday; his road race and fireworks on Saturday; and now the barbeque. I think we started to feel good about our achievement. He hadn’t had too many meltdowns and he has behaved pretty well. But we started gloating too soon.

It started with the boys going their separate ways. Max sat in a chair just staring at the crowd while his cousin went to playing with the other younger kids. To be fair to him he was very tired. After his heavy duty Saturday he had actually slept to 8:30 Sunday morning. This is unimaginable for a kid that likes to be up by 5 or 6. Not only that, he didn’t wake up on his own. When the cat started howling at his bedroom door he struggled out of bed.

Not long afterwards a man and his wife sat next to him. Very nice people though initially I stereotyped him. He was a biker covered in tattoos. His head was shaved and he wore earrings. Max was fascinated; I was a little nervous. My son wanted to trade things with him like sunglasses, shoes, and knives. But the man calmly talked to him like an equal and parried all of his requests.

Several times we tried to steer Max away because my son was now pestering him over and over about the same things. But the man calmly told us not to worry about it he was enjoying talking to my son.

But Max was starting to get edgy because he wasn’t getting what he wanted. Later he played basketball with several of the men there and was having a blast. When they decided to quit he was very put out and begged them to continue. When it didn’t happen he was back in his chair badgering the man again.

It was now 5:30. We had been there for 3 hours but we knew it was almost time to leave. We called Max over and informed him that we would be going at 6 o’clock. And that’s when the you know what hit the fan. He tried to convince us to stay until 9 because the kids were going to shoot off fireworks. We were in New Hampshire; they are legal there. He wanted to stay with them.

My wife and I looked at each other and shook our heads. He was getting worse and worse. He was crying and saying some very vitriolic things to us. He ended up running off to the car and locking himself in. After we said our goodbyes we followed him.

As we got close we could hear him wailing and punching the seat. But once I had stowed our chairs into the trunk of the car he had calmed down enough to put his bike in as well. He was still pouting and stayed quiet and sullen as we headed home.

On the way I stopped at Home Depot which set him off once again. He just wanted to be home now. He kicked and screamed until he realized that I was still going in no matter what. He quieted down and followed me. He couldn’t miss this. It is, of course, one of his favorite stores.

By the time we had gotten what we needed he was back to his usual perky self. It was a good night after this though every once in awhile he would mention the fireworks he had missed.

It’s at times like this when any parent can feel totally drained. Even if they have handled the situation correctly it can still leave them shaken. Just imagine how a parent would feel who has a child with adhd, bipolar, asperger’s, or another disorder. Their child’s outburst can be one hundred times more powerful.

So many times my wife and I fall asleep on the couch soon after Max goes to bed. The plus side to all of this is that these explosions are getting less and less as time goes on. Max has been working with us, his play therapist, advocate, and mentor to channel this aggression into other areas so that he calms down much quicker and is much happier as a result.

He has a big incentive to work with us because he doesn’t like the explosions. He always feels bad once they are over.

But even though we, his parents, were beginning to be elated over how well the weekend was going we still needed to be on our guard to make sure Max stayed on balance. Without constant watch we weren’t prepared when he lost control.

But you know Mom and Dad slept well that night.

The Fourth of July weekend was upon us. This was going to be the 29th year of the annual town road races. A week before Max had decided he was going to run the 5K race. That sounds exciting but when is he going to train?

You see, Max doesn’t run. He doesn’t like to. If he has to run he will do it in short spurts.

“Okay, I’m done,” and he will continue walking the rest of the way. He generally just relies on his bike or his scooter to get anywhere.

Last year he surprised us the night before when he said he was going to do the 2k race. We tried to talk him out of it because we didn’t think he would make it. We didn’t argue with him; we just told him our concerns. It didn’t matter, he ran anyway. And he did fantastic. It took him just over 10 minutes to finish the run. Talk about a proud Daddy!!

He thought he would do a 5k by the end of the summer but it didn’t happen.

This year we had a whole week to train. He decided I would be his coach. That’s great; the guy who doesn’t run. Okay, in 9th grade I planned on joining the high school track team. I started to train one day by running an eighth of a mile from a nearby elementary school to my house.

I made it but that was when I decided that this was not going to be my sport. I never ran again, or almost never. A couple of months ago I started trying to run along side Max when he was riding his bike just to keep up. That never lasted too long.

But okay, I am the coach. The race was on Saturday. On Monday we got up at 6 in the morning and walked over to a nearby quarter mile track. We ran around once; then walked half way around; then finished up running another half. We decided that was enough and headed home.

On the way back to the house we talked about the next practices. We would do two a day until Friday. We figured that Max would have to be able run 16 times around the track to be ready for the race.

But we didn’t count on Max’s spur of the moment plans he would have for the rest of the week. He was never available for another practice session. As it got closer to race time my wife and I hoped that he would change his mind and forget about running.

It didn’t work out that way however. On the morning of the race he was very excited and wanted to go immediately to the track. The only problem was that his race was at 6 that night and I wasn’t going to sit all day on the sidelines waiting. So, with a lot of grumbling, Max did his chores. We later went down to the town festival where he rode ponies, ate hot dogs and pizza, and wandered over to the race track to register for his 5K.

Then we had two hours to wait. In the interim Max and I hopped in the car and drove the course. During the trip I pulled a DUH moment. It seemed very long, I couldn’t figure out why. A 5K is just over 4 miles but this route seemed to be getting longer and longer. Every once in awhile during the drive I would say “Max, remember, you are still running here.”

And then comes the DUH! I realized I was driving the 10K route which happened to be on the same course as the 5K. He was now thinking he should do this one instead. Nope, I don’t think so. Okay, with some more grumbling he agreed. So we drove the 5K route which is along nice quite country road. By the end of it he was even more excited…if that is even possible.

We had an hour to kill so I had him stretching a lot. It was a sweltering hot day so to his consternation I made sure he drank a lot of water and Gatorade. He doesn’t like drinking. But by the time of the race he had had only about 10 ounces of fluid.

Then they called the runners to the starting line. My wife finally joined us so we went up to wait with Max for the start. We ran into a friend of ours and her family. They run the 5K every year. She was excited to see Max was running too. My wife and I were still pretty nervous but glad that he had found someone he knew to run with.

Our friend’s husband wanted to know why I wasn’t running. I just snorted.

There it was, the warning bell. The runners lined up and positioned themselves. There was the blast and they were off. Our son was at the beginning of the pack. Once they were gone my wife and I headed for the finish line to wait. We found a shady spot out of the sun and heat and relaxed on the ground.

I figured that since it took Max just over 10 minutes to do the 2K last year that for this one it would probably take at least 25 minutes. I told my wife to expect him in 30 minutes because I didn’t think he could keep up the same pace as the last race.

While we waited I checked out the finish line. The course trail came down the street and turned into a ball park. The runners would have to barrel down a hill and through the field before crossing the line at the back side of it. When the first runners arrived my wife moved to the finish while I went to the hill at the entrance to the field.

Then we waited. And waited. And waited.

The longer it took the more worried I got. I had originally planned to follow along the route in my car to make sure he didn’t collapse on the way. Except for the 2K last year he has never run more than 10 feet at a time and during this race it was so sweltering hot. But all the streets were blocked so I couldn’t do it.

I also found out just after the race started that at the 1K and at 4.5K marks the runners passed the fire station. The firemen had set up firehouses to mist them down as they passed. They also had two water stations positioned along the route and there were people watching to make sure that there weren’t any problems.

But still Max didn’t come. Not only that our friend didn’t show up either. It was now 30 minutes into the run. Thoughts went through my head that maybe she slowed her pace down to keep steady with him. Or maybe she stopped because he collapsed.

Just as I had decided to walk the route from finish to start to find out who comes running down the hill and the home stretch?

Max.

I yelled!

“Go Max, Go!!! Go!! Go!! Go!!”

He turned his head as if in a daze. He heard me but I don’t think he saw me. Then he crossed the finish line.

33 minutes and 13 seconds!! Amazing run, especially for a non-runner!

My wife and I rushed over to congratulate him. He held up a finger on each hand to tell us to hold on as he bent over.

He threw up.

I got a comment from a friend later telling me how fantastic it was…all except the puke part. I responded that that was the best part. It means he is now a runner!

And what happened to our friend? She showed up two minutes later. This was an even bigger surprise for us; she does this race every year. My boy had beaten her.

Max still hasn’t come down from the excitement. He wore his running shirt with the number still on it to church on Sunday. He wore it to school today.

And Dad and Mom have been so proud! We have been telling everyone we meet about Max’s run. Our neighbor has already asked him to run a 5K in the fall with him.

That’s my boy!