I call her Little Girl Lost.  She was born to a nice young couple in their early twenties that seemed to have it made.  They were planning on settling down, getting married, and having the storybook life.  But something happened on the way: the little girl.  After she was born the man (boy) became verbally abusive to his fiancée:

  • He didn’t like how she looked anymore; she’s fat and slobby!
  • He also didn’t like how she would put in a hard day’s work but wouldn’t do all of the housework when she got home; she’s lazy and good for nothing!
  • He especially didn’t like how he would have to take care of his new daughter if his fiancée had to work late; she’s a terrible mother!

When things got too much the mom took a small trip to visit her family several states away.  While gone the man (boy) went to court and started proceedings to get sole custody of the child.  Upon hearing this the mom raced home and attempted, with her lawyer, to stop the action.  But dad won, even though it was proven in court he had been steadily lying to the judge about his finances, his family life, and his residence.

The child is now 7 years old and she sees her mom one week per month.  Mom moved back with her family soon after the judge’s ruling 8 hours from her.  As part of the court order she must drive 4 hours to meet the child’s father half way to swap…that is, if the man (boy) bothers to even show up.  Many times mom makes the trip only to have to either go the whole distance to fight to see her daughter, or turn back home.

For a time Little Girl Lost slept on the couch in Dad’s apartment; he shared a bedroom with his girlfriend.  When he lost his job he moved back home with his mother.  This time he had the couch and the child slept on the floor.  She would hear him constantly on the phone to her mother either berating her or begging her to get back together with him.  And all her meals came from fast food restaurants.

Recently the man’s (boy’s) mother threw him out of the house.  He and Little Girl Lost have ended up in a homeless shelter.  As I write this she has been there for 5 months now.  When her mother first heard about it she hired a lawyer and made plans to go and get her.  But the days turned into weeks; weeks turned into months.

Her mom is not guiltless through all of this:

  • Initially the judge told her she could get custody of her daughter if she stayed in the state.  She chose to move back with her family 3 states away, without her child.
  • The judge then told her that if she went back to school and got a decent job that in a year he would review the case and if all was well grant her custody.  That was 6 years ago; she has done nothing.
  • Recently the lawyer helping her get her child out of the homeless shelter fired her.  Why?  Because she wasn’t doing anything to try to get her daughter back.  He believes her daughter should have only spent 1 week in the shelter…it has been 5 months.
  • At Christmas Little Girl Lost was in a corner with her friends at a party with her mom.  She told her friends she wanted to commit suicide.  Some of the children ran to her mother to tell her what her daughter said.  Rather than sit down with her and help her through it mom berated her for saying things like that.
  • Mom has been heard to say that she really doesn’t want her daughter back; she’s too much work!  And oh, the homeless shelter is a nice place.

In the United States it is estimated that there are 1,256,600 children that are abused and/or neglected (this government report is in pdf format).  The number is broken down even further:

1. Approximately 553,000 are abused:

  • 58% are physically abused or an estimated 323,000.
  • 24%, approximately 135,300 are sexually abused.
  • 27%, about 148,500, are emotionally abused.

2. It is estimated that there are 771,700 children that are neglected:

  • 47% are educationally neglected or about 360,500 children.
  • 38%, approximately 295,300, are physically neglected.
  • 25%, an estimated 193,400 children are emotionally neglected.

These numbers come from the government report on abuse and neglect.

Where does Little Girl Lost come into this?  We can probably make a case for any number of these categories.  My guess would be that she is emotionally abused at the very least because she hears the interaction between her parents.  She is emotionally neglected because no one seems to have an interest in who she is or how she is feeling.  I’m also thinking that physical neglect may enter into it as well.

How is this happening?  You may have noticed that in the beginning of this post I keep referring to her dad as “man (boy)”.  By living in a homeless shelter and not working he is not meeting her physical needs. By belittling and arguing with her mother she is suffering emotional abuse. He is not doing the job of a father.  Mom abandoned her.  Mom doesn’t want her.  Neither parent wants to work out their differences.  And both are ignoring her emotional needs as well.

Though we cannot do a lot about her we can look at our own children.  Is there any abuse in our families?  I don’t necessarily mean physical or sexual abuse.  Are we screaming at our kids?  This does have an emotional effect on them.  Do we say nasty things to them or even threaten them?  This is also abusive.  Do we talk to them about their problems, their hopes, their dreams?  Do we play with them?  Do we teach them about life?  If we don’t do these things it can be neglect, both emotional and educational.

If we are doing any of these it has an effect on our children.  Improving our relationship with them is of paramount importance.

But what about Little Girl Lost?  She, like hundreds of thousands like her, struggle every day.  All is not lost for her, she has friends trying to help her.  The danger is for other children who will grow up angry.  Who may run away from home.  Who may get into alcohol, drugs, and even child prostitution.  Or worse, commit suicide.  Do you know parents like hers?  What can you do to change the direction these kids’ lives are taking?