Posts tagged ‘PDD/NOS’

Today we had a meeting with DMH (Department of Mental Health) about Max.  This is a quarterly occurrence.  It is a time we can get all of his services understanding what everyone else is working on with my son.

The ideal situation is to have everyone present but today only a few were able to make it.  These included our DMH social worker, the family therapist, the parent therapist, Max’s child advocate, and my wife and I.

The subjects discussed were:

• The advocate’s treatment plan

She has two goals that she has been working on with Max:

1. The first one is to teach him coping skills to prevent physical and verbal escalations and have him utilize them 90% of the time by the end of the year.

She has instituted a “check in” sheet for him to use to help him identify his emotions and whether he should be using the coping skills.  He will also use these skills to prevent escalations.

We have noticed that he has already been using some when he thinks of it.

2. The second one is to have Max demonstrate appropriate physical and verbal boundaries 90% of the time by the end of the year.

She wants Max to record and demonstrate physical and verbal boundaries with others.  This includes walking in on them when they are using the bathroom.

We haven’t seen much improvement with these yet.

• YMCA

We requested that they look into funding Max’s membership at our local YMCA.  We have been members for years and he is there on a regular basis taking classes, swimming, playing basketball one-on-one in the gym, and working out in the exercise area.  We’ve come to a point we cannot afford the membership even with the discount they have offered us.

This would be appropriate for DMH because they have been very happy with Max’s improvement based on all of the time he spends there so they are going to look in to it.

• Other programs

We have been looking into other programs for Max to help him out.  We asked if the group knew anything about them.  The parent therapist mentioned that she had had a client go through one of them and came out vastly improved.  That sounded like a recommendation to me so I requested that our social worker follow up on it.

• Horseback riding

Last year Max spent two weeks at a farm taking care of and riding horses.  He absolutely loved it.  We asked if the program would cover it again this year.  Since they send a lot of kids to it every year they had no problem scheduling him for it.

• Evaluation issue

An issue arose when the social worker commented that she knows that Max has ADHD and Bipolar Disorder but she was not convinced he has PDD or Asperger’s.  Why didn’t she believe this?  Because some of the reports never mention it including the most recent report from his psychiatrist.

We pointed out that at Max’s first evaluation he was diagnosed with both.  This was done when he was 4.  The special school that he is in did another one just last year and came up with the same answer.  Even so, there was some discussion on whether he should have another formal one.  No decision was made about it today.

I think the meeting went very well.  The only disappointment I had was that Max’s play therapist was not available.  I feel everyone is out of the loop when it comes to knowing exactly what he is doing with my son.  I know that they play together when he is here but outside of that I don’t know what the goals and objectives are or what the status is.

The important thing is the Department of Mental Health is there to help kids.  They have been able to put Max into several programs that have been helping him.  We have seen a lot of improvement in him since he starting working with all of these people.

And it is nice to know that we aren’t doing it alone.

I like to talk about my son the inventor. Max is 9 years old and for years has always been putting things together to help him get around, across, and through obstacles. My wife and I are waiting for him to up with that one brilliant idea that will let us retire.

We joke about this a lot but we never thought it really could happen. You see, with all of his disorders we didn’t think he would be able to accomplish all the great things we know he is really intelligent enough to do. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, Asperger’s (sometimes PDD instead), ODD, OCD, and anxiety among other things.

With all of the medication he is on we have been afraid that it would stunt his mental growth. Michael Moore, the creator of many movies including “Roger and Me”, once said if his parents had put him on medication for his ADHD he doesn’t think he would have accomplished what he has.

We have a parenting counselor who meets with us each week. She helps us work through Max’s issues. We told her how he wants to go to MIT and become an inventor. When we mentioned that we didn’t think he would succeed she told us not to bet on that. He’s smart, has the capabilities, and will probably pleasantly surprise us. She has spent a lot of time at MIT and she told us that most, if not all, of the students had similar issues and had worked through them to accomplish great things.

And he keeps inventing. Just the other day he built a rainforest in the backyard. He didn’t start out doing it. All he wanted to do was fill a barrel from the hose. His plan was to put on his bathing suit and climb into it; relaxing as if it were a hot tub. Only thing was it was a cold day and the water was icy.

It wasn’t long before his mind spawned the idea of a rainforest. He took the hose and attached a smaller one to it that has a sprayer on one end and a shut off valve on the other. He then climbed up a tree high enough to hide the sprayer in the branches but also low enough to reach the valve.

When he tested his invention he was standing under the tree in his bathing suit. He flipped the switch and a fine mist began to spray downwards. The water dripped off the branches and formed puddles in the dirt.

Max declared it a rousing success but too cold. He disappeared into the house. A few minutes later he returned still in his bathing suit but he had added a yellow rain slicker and yellow rubber boots. After a retest he was elated that it was working so well.

Once all his testing was completed he began rounding up the neighborhood kids to show them what he had made. Several children stood in the back yard and watched him dance in and around the misty rain. He tried to convince them to join him but not only was it too cold and wet, none were dressed appropriately. But all liked what he had accomplished.

My wife and I are now rethinking our opinion of what Max will be able to accomplish when he grows up. We don’t want to sell him short. I actually know an inventor who graduated from MIT. I’m going to ask him if he would spend some time mentoring my son.

Who knows, as our counselor says, Max will probably surprise us!

Do you and your family move around a lot because of your job or because you are in the service?  Do your kids have issues such as Aspergers Syndrome or Bipolar Disorder?  In either case you have most likely found yourself pulling your kids out of one school and into another more often than you’d like to think about.  You have found not all schools and teachers are created equal.  Some are good and some are not so good.  You have to keep very close eye to make sure your children are keeping up to their grade level so they’ll be able to move on to college and into adult life.  This is the School Rollercoaster.

Most children have a set path.  They start in preschool or kindergarten, move through grade school, on into middle school, and finish with high school before going on to college.  They and their parents get to know the other families as they spend up to 14 years with them.  They know what is being taught at the school and where their kids are going.

But unlike them the children on the school rollercoaster can slip back sometimes unnoticed into lower grade levels based on what they are being taught in the different schools they attend.

My son Max is 8 years old.  Like other children his age he is in grade 3 this year.  Unlike the other kids his education has not only moved progressively but also regressively.  This has been a source of frustration for us because he is very smart.  And it is even more frustrating for him when he finds he is being taught things he learned years before.

Preschool was the second school he was in; he started in a special needs school to help him with his motor skills.  But preschool he loved; they played a lot and learned much more than how to count and say the alphabet.  They covered most of the things that other children learn in kindergarten.

Kindergarten was more progressive as well.  The teacher had been responsible for setting up programs for special needs kids in the district.  This was a good thing because when Max was 5 his disabilities became more pronounced.  She knew exactly what to do.  She brought my wife and I in to create an IEP (Individualized Education Program).  In those days we really knew nothing about them and she helped us through it.

She also believed in stretching the kids mentally.  Max was learning first grade work that year.  He knew how to add and subtract even before going into the next grade.  She was the first to point out to us how intelligent he is (as if we didn’t know).

We will always be grateful Max started his schooling with her.  Just the education alone would help him through the first grade; that year he was in 5 different schools, all with different ways of teaching:

• When he was promoted to the first grade we found that Max’s teacher had never taught before.  Not only that she had not received any special needs training.  The instruction he got was the exact same as in kindergarten.  He was 6 and that year he was diagnosed with adhd, bipolar disorder, pdd or aspergers (the diagnosis changes depending on the psychiatrist), odd, ocd, and whatever else they could think of.

• He became completely uncontrollable and by Christmas was in a hospital.  For the 8 days he was there they provided some form of education.  Considering what he experienced I’m surprised he got any teaching at all.

• When he came out his former school did not want to deal with him so they sent him to a special needs school about an hour away for evaluation.  During the testing they tried to determine how he would blend in with the other students.  His course of study was on a first and second grade level.

• During the evaluation phase he again entered a hospital.  For the next two weeks he became part of a one room school house type of environment.  The program covered classes on the first through fifth grade levels so Max learned whatever they gave him.

• When he left the hospital he found himself back in the special school.  They had determined that he should be moved up a grade level. So from April of that year through the following year when he was 7 he would be in grade 2.  The school followed the second grade curriculum.

Third grade was another step back for Max.  The teacher was yet another brand new one.  Like his first grade teacher this one had just graduated from school and she didn’t have any special needs experience.  We discovered that he was being taught all of the same things he learned back in second grade.  Not only was he repeating the grade but he wasn’t learning anything new.  The only good side was that the teacher realized that his reading abilities were beyond what she was teaching so he was placed in the fifth grade reading class.

We didn’t take this year lightly.  We knew that he would be far behind other kids his age if things didn’t change.  We discussed our concerns with the school principal and the guidance counselor.  The week before February school vacation they informed us that when he came back to school he would be starting fifth grade.  Why the big jump?  Because this teacher has a lot of years teaching experience and she has her masters degree in special education.  She teaches both the fourth and fifth grade levels so Max really wouldn’t be jumping two grades, only 1; and most important she has already knows Max from his fifth grade reading class.

This doesn’t mean he’ll be going into sixth grade next year.  He will continue with this teacher at least one more year.  But we will be able to breathe a little easier knowing that he is getting the education he needs.

The point of this story is that if we hadn’t kept track of what was happening Max would still be behind.  It is not enough to assume that the schools are going to provide the right education you have to make sure.  And lately if you’ve been watching the news you know that people that move around a lot or have special needs children are not the only ones that must stay alert; everyone has to.  Schools are now firing their teaching staffs for poor quality performance.  It started in Rhode Island and will be moving across the country.  Just yesterday the government announced that it will be establishing countrywide educational standards.

Not just teachers but we, as parents, all need to make sure our kids are learning what they need to.

I haven’t even mentioned what the school rollercoaster does to our kids.  The constant moves have been tough enough on Max as it is; but he also keeps losing the teachers he really likes.  This has been very upsetting for him.  On the positive side this most recent move will not only bring his grade level back up but he loves his new teacher.

For kids like Max this might not be their last move but if we keep track of what is going on we can attempt to make the moves less traumatic for them and be sure they are progressing as they should.

My 8 year old son Max gets a lot of services through the Department of Mental Health.  He is eligible for them because of his diagnoses.  These include bipolar disorder, adhd, pdd/nos, odd, ocd, high anxiety, and sensory integration issues.  Because we have been receiving all of these services we have been trying for months to get a meeting together to make sure that everyone is working towards the same goal.   That is, improving my son’s standard of living.

I just came from that meeting and it was interesting to say the least.  Before it happened we insisted that either my wife’s counselor, Max’s play therapist, or both be present otherwise it would be a waste of time for us.  When we arrived this morning both surprisingly were there especially since it didn’t look like their schedules would match.   Also there besides us 4 were our family therapist, Max’s mentor, their supervisor, and the caseworker who was leading the meeting.

Before we started the caseworker had to make the point that he didn’t know that the play therapist was going to be there.  Apparently it was going to change the dynamics of the whole meeting, whatever that meant.   The supervisor piped in that we were there to discuss why we were dissatisfied with their services.  My wife and I looked at each other in shock; we never said we didn’t like the services, we just wanted to make sure everyone had the same goals.  To that end we had wanted the play therapist involved since she works with Max directly.

Once we got this straightened out we could then start the meeting.  The play therapist talked about how Max has a major problem with limits and the word “No”; either can set him into a tirade that can be physical and/or verbal.  She says that when this happens she sees a totally different boy than the one she is used to dealing with.  When she starting working with him in October she thought that his parents were too lenient but she finds that today in August they are stronger and more consistent.  When he explodes he must spend time on the couch until he calms down.  If he gets violent Dad will hold him until he settles down.  She sees a lot of improvement.  She has been working with him on accepting boundaries.

The family therapist talked about how she originally had intended to work with the whole family but Max wanted all the attention on himself.  It made it very difficult, so at his parents’ request she started working directly with them to help them learn to communicate with each other and become more supportive.  She believes that there has been improvement.

Max’s mentor says she goes with the flow.  They do things that he likes to do such as basketball, bike riding, or swimming.  In the process she has been working with him to accept “No” as an answer.  She will say “no” to minor things; he will grumble and may ask a second time but that’s it.

My wife’s counselor talked about how she is worried about Max’s parents.  She would not only like to see them communicate more but they also need some rest; raising Max is exhausting.  Our caseworker jumped in at this point and thanked her for bringing him to the subject he most wanted to discuss.  This is “respite”.

For months we have been talking about getting rest for Mom and Dad on the weekends so we will be more able to take care of Max during the week.   It would also help our own relationship; as the therapist said we could start dating again.   This was a timely subject since my wife and I were actually falling asleep in the meeting.

Respite is kind of a sore subject.  It was first brought up in January when our caseworker mentioned a children’s home that has kids living there permanently.  On weekends it is available for families to drop their own kids off to give everyone a chance to relax.  It is a structured environment with programs that are not only fun but teach the children how to manage their behaviors.

My wife was excited; I told the caseworker at the time I didn’t like it but I would do it for her sake.  I didn’t want to be separated from Max; I felt that we should be doing things together on weekends, if not as a family, at least as father and son.  That’s the way it was when I was growing up.  He took that to mean I wouldn’t do it at all so the idea got shelved.  It came back up in May so we went for a tour of the facility.  It had a lot of things Max loves like a weight room, basketball court, and a bike track with bicycles.

When we first mentioned it to him Max was excited especially when we took him just to see it.  What made it better for him was that one of his friends lives there so he would have someone to play with.  He was all set to stay overnight but we decided that a few hours the first time might be better to ease him in to it.

He stayed 4 hours the first time but he wasn’t too thrilled with it.   When we arrived a counselor promised him bike riding but then couldn’t find a key to the bike shed.  He agreed to a second try the next week.  That day it was raining so he ended up spending 6 hours in front of a TV set; Max doesn’t like watching for more than 10 minutes at a time.  He was very quiet and subdued when he got home and very clingy.  We scheduled 1 more trip but cancelled at the last minute when Max refused to go.   This was in June and we haven’t tried since.

So the subject came up again today at the meeting.  They insisted forcefully that we try it again.  We insisted just as forcefully that we would not drag him kicking and screaming to the place.  We have gone through this before and yes, as they pointed out, it works out sometimes.  Going to his school was initially a disaster but he grew to love it.  But you know what, his first trip to the hospital was not pretty.  He didn’t get used to it and this is where his anxiety levels initially skyrocketed.  The home gave me a little bit of the same feeling; I can only guess how he felt.

Anyway, we’ve decided to try it again.  We are going to schedule an overnight this Friday night.  This time we won’t drive him; Friday afternoons he spends with his mentor so she will get him ready to go while they are on their outing.   The family therapist will meet them and drive him there.  She will stay for an hour or so to make sure he settles in.  On Saturday his mentor will visit him and see how things are going.  At the end of the day we’ll pick him up.

My wife and I have a lot of concerns but we are willing to try it; not only for ourselves but for Max as well.  The caseworker has promised to call the home to voice our concerns.  That is, that my son is not getting what he needs. If they are going to watch television all day let him do arts and crafts at the same time, this will settle him.   Take him to the gym, he needs muscle work to relax.  If it a sunny day take him outside, he needs the sun!

With that everyone at the meeting was satisfied that everything was accomplished.  It was adjourned and we all left for home.  But as I write this my concerns about respite are resurfacing.  I’m not coming up with reasons not to do it as the caseworker suggested.  I want this to work for both Max and my wife.  And no I don’t believe that Max will not be affected by this as he also suggested.  Today is Wednesday, Friday is the big day, I will take a wait and see attitude.   If it doesn’t work out I’ll be looking for something else.  If it does it will be great for all of us.

My son Max is 8 years old.  On Monday he started his first job.  This is not unusual in our family.  I started working when I was 7.   In neither case were we forced to go out and make money.  It was our own decisions to do what we do.

Max didn’t start out expecting to work; he wanted to ride horses.  When he was 3 years old his aunt gave him a book about them; every page was about a different one.  We had to read the book over and over to him and in no time he knew all about 50 different horses including his favorites: Belgians, Shires, and Clydesdales.

When I was 7 I got my first job…working on a horse farm.   Every morning I was up early cleaning out the stalls, feeding and walking the horses.  My pay was room and board and an occasional ride.  When Max started reading about horses he wanted to meet them.  He would be in heaven if he also got the chance to ride one so we started looking for festivals that had pony rides. He was ecstatic just sitting on them and he wanted more and more.

About this time I discovered that the farm I had worked on was now running therapeutic programs so I looked into getting him riding lessons.   They were willing to teach him but since he was only 3 he needed to have a disability or disorder to be accepted.  This was not going to be a problem; he had already been diagnosed with sensory integration disorder.  For the next 8 weeks he went twice a week to learn how to ride.

Then one day as he was having his lesson he saw another horse suddenly rear up and cause the rider to fall to the ground.  She didn’t get hurt but she was shaken badly.   This was enough to change Max’s mind.  He was now very afraid of horses and didn’t want to go near them.

Over the next few years he slowly came around. He has been riding horses, ponies, camels, and elephants at fairs and circuses.  I’ve also talked to him about how I’d love to see him work on a farm like I did. So the thought was in his mind even as he was diagnosed with adhd, pdd/nos, odd, and bipolar disorder.  Whew!

We have been working with the Department of Mental Health in our area to set up programs for him and they recently informed us they have a summer program at a therapeutic farm not far from us.  We mentioned it to Max and he was ecstatic.  Yes, he wants to do it!

Now for the month of August he is expected to be at work at 9 a.m. but he has convinced me to get him there by 8:15 so that he can help set up for the day.  This means mucking out all the stalls, and feeding and saddling the horses.  After that he rides, walks the horses, and brushes them down.  Like it was for me, the riding is his payment.   He loves it, and so do I.  He would move to the farm to be there night and day if he could.   I’m glad to see it; therapeutic farms have proven to be successful helping kids with disabilities and disorders.

So I get up in time to drive him off into the country; the farm is in the middle of a large forest.  I pull in to the parking lot and we pile his gear on top of one of the picnic tables.   Then we wait until one of the farm hands or coaches comes to fetch him.   They have learned to expect him early and tell me they enjoy having him help them prepare for the day.

Today he had a massive headache and we had to pick him up at noon.  He cried all the way home.  We knew it must have been painful because he never cries.  But he was also crying because his day was cut short.  I wonder if that means that I will have to get him there even earlier on Monday.

Max has a particular pony that he is in charge of.  He doesn’t like to be away from him and feels he is not taking care of him if he isn’t there.  So today has been hard for him being at home.

If he continues to love horses like this he will thrive at the farm.  Who knows where he will go with this.

My son Max is 8 years old. He loves to go to school because there are always things for him to do. It is a very structured environment, which he needs. His anxiety levels skyrocket if nothing is scheduled for him. When that happens his disorders activate; he has odd, bipolar disorder, pdd/nos, and adhd.

Weekends can be tough because we don’t always have something for him to do. Max has a lot of energy so it can take him minutes or even seconds to get through the things he thinks of doing. Then he spends a lot of time moping around the house getting very bored and very miserable. Being at home is not a very happy time for him.

This passed Sunday turned out to be a very exciting day. I have rarely seen him so happy. It started out as a pretty standard weekend day. He woke up at 5 in the morning and went through his morning wildness before his medications started working. But it seemed that he got bored very quickly this morning.

“What are we going to do today?”

“Where are we going to go?”

“Who can I play with?”

And he was starting to whine and hound us; a typical weekend day.

At 7 o’clock I called him over. “Max, I’m going raspberry picking, are you coming with me?” “I dunno.” “Well, I’ll be in the car. If you want to come then join me.” Guess what, he went with me. He wasn’t sure he wanted to; he dragged his feet getting out there; but he went.

It was only 7:15 when we arrived at the farm. As I pulled into the parking lot his anxiety kicked in. “It’s too early. It is still closed.” I reassured him that it had been open for 15 minutes already. After all, I told him, it is a farm; they’ve probably been working since 5 o’clock. And it was. We went into the store and were directed to the raspberries a quarter of a mile walk in back of the fields.

When we got there we bought a little bucket from a girl in a hut. She then pointed out the best pickings for us. Max was a little tentative at first pulling the juicy red raspberries off of the bushes but he soon got into the swing of things and started filling the bucket. Of course, he had to try a couple as we went along. We also found some black raspberries which topped off the pail nicely.

When we were done we spent some time in the farm playground and visited their petting zoo. After that we each had one of their apple cider donuts while watching the geese splash in the pond.

You would think that after all of this it would be lunch time. Hardly, it’s only 8:30. From here we did some hiking. There is a hill close to our house in the middle of a forest. It is very steep and it’s a lot of exercise getting to the top. Max ran most of the way; I was crawling by the end. It took a half hour to get to the top and then back to the car.

From here we decided to get some breakfast at a restaurant on the grounds of a small airport near us. Max had sausage and some apple juice. It was a beautiful day so we got to see a lot of planes flying.

We got home at 10 o’clock. This worked out for us because, what we hadn’t told Max, we were leaving to go to a barbeque at 10:30. While we were away my wife had spent the morning putting together the food we were bringing and packing other essentials. We arrived at the party at 11:30. Our hosts own a house on a lake in New Hampshire. Max’s eyes lit up when he saw it and he immediately went from the car to the water.

I won’t spend a lot of time writing about everything Max did today but he swam for a long time. He then went out on both a pedal boat and a kayak several times during the afternoon. He also paddled around this side of the lake on a rubber tire. There were three girls his age at the party and they joined in everything he was doing. The one thing they didn’t want any part of were the large spiders he found underneath a floating dock. And he ate hotdogs, corn chips, brownies, and cookies; anyone that knows him will be surprised to hear this. He doesn’t usually eat very much and rarely touches sweets.

We had planned on leaving the party at 3 but Max was having so much fun that we ended up staying until 8 o’clock. And after this long day he slept the hour home and I carried him to bed.

As I said earlier, this was a very exciting day for him. He didn’t have any time to even think about being miserable. It was wonderful to see. Most parents don’t like to see their kids unhappy; our kid may be unhappier than most of them. He doesn’t have too many friends; the ones he has don’t want to see him often because of the way he acts. His dad is in his 50s and has multiple sclerosis so he doesn’t have a lot of energy to do things with him. He is very anxious and it bothers him that he has to take medications for each of his problems.

Today was an amazing day for him; he fell asleep excited. This is the kind of day my wife and I treasure. Hmmm, I wonder if we can have a couple more of these before the end of the summer.

I read a wonderful post on respect over the weekend. How do we treat our children? Yes, I know we are the parents; we “know” what’s best for them and they must listen to us. Okay, maybe we do but how do we get it across to them?

Do we treat them with respect both at home and in public as we try to discipline them? Or do we yell and scream at them, humiliate them, maybe even swat their butts…especially when people are around watching us. Too many parents feel those eyes as their child is misbehaving and consciously or subconsciously feel the need to get the upper hand quickly; perhaps to show that they are “good” parents.

As a result our children can end up feeling like a nobody. They can not only lose respect for themselves but also for their parents. Have you noticed how they can stop listening to us? Sometimes it is almost like we aren’t in the room even though we are standing over them.

“How crude can we be at times in our conduct with our children. We’ll scold them in the middle of everyone in the party. We’ll drag them in the mall. Worse, we’ll nonchalantly criticize them in a group using words like ‘fussy’, ‘irritable’, and ‘stubborn’ in their presence.”

I don’t know how you were raised but can you remember back what it was like as a young child looking up at your parents towering over you? And being angry with you? Perhaps yelling at you? And what about those other parents watching everything that is happening? How did it make you feel?

Respect has been in my mind a lot lately. I’ve been wondering if we are treating our son well. Max is 8 years old; he has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, adhd, odd, pdd/nos, and ocd. Both in public and private he can become very explosive if things aren’t going his way. Our rule is that if this happens publically we cannot go back to that location for awhile. But we tend to do more than that, especially if we are exhausted by all of the daily drama.

Just before I read the post above Max and I had gone to the movies. We saw the “Night At The Museum” sequel. He had already seen it once and couldn’t wait to go again. After I bought the tickets he suddenly realized he had wanted to see the new movie “Up in Disney Digital 3D“. He had a meltdown. My response was to tell him if he didn’t want to see the museum movie he could go sit in the corner and wait until I was done watching it. And I said this in front of a lot of other people.

He did go to the movie and he did enjoy it but it set the tone for the rest of the day. Everything he did was wrong…mostly by his standards not ours. If he spilled something he would get upset with himself. If we tried to comfort him he would turn his anger on us.

Most people treat others respectfully. Even if you are angry with a friend or coworker would you scream at them? Or would you find a better way to get your message across so there won’t be a lot of upset? But as mentioned in the article we don’t treat our children the same way as we do other people. Not only that we expect them to be “adult” about it, that is, “take it like a man”. We also expect them to learn from us. And they do; they learn to treat their children the same way. In some cases their spirits may even get broken.

My eyes were really opened after reading this article. I love my son and I don’t want him feeling any worse about himself. He already feels badly considering the way his disabilities make him feel.

I hope other people can recognize a little of themselves too and perhaps make some changes in how they react to their kids.

Summer is coming. Have you been planning your vacation yet? If you have, do you plan on driving a long distance?

It has always been scary for us to drive far away. We did it once when Max was 3 years old; he is now 8. We went down to Washington D.C. My wife and I were initially nervous about it because Max is very energetic. We couldn’t imagine him sitting still for 10 hours. It would still be difficult even if we stopped frequently and stretched the trip out longer. Then a friend suggested we wait until after 6 pm before leaving. That way it would be close to his bed time and he would fall asleep soon afterwards; we wouldn’t need to worry about keeping him settled.

We decided we wouldn’t drive all night. We would stick it out for about 5 hours and then stop at a motel in New Jersey. Then we would continue on early the following morning. I also picked up a portable DVD player for Max to use to stay occupied during the trip.

The trip down from Massachusetts was a breeze. As expected Max slept until we got to New Jersey and settled into the motel. He was up very early the next morning so dad and son hiked around outside for awhile until mom was finished getting ready. Then off we went again. He was fascinated by the sights as we traveled through New Jersey, Virginia, and Maryland so it wasn’t very eventful.

On the way back we did the same thing. We left around 6 pm and drove up to New Jersey where we spent the night. This part of the trip went smoothly because Max again slept until we reached the motel. The next morning we headed back to Massachusetts.

This time we hadn’t made it through New York before the meltdowns started. We were grabbing a bite to eat at a truck stop when Max threw himself on the floor and proceeded to scream at the top of his lungs. He then took off. We literally had to tackle him to keep him from shooting in front of passing tractor trailer trucks. I think this is the first time we realized how major his meltdowns could become. After we got him back in the car the three of us suffered our way back home.

Ever since that trip we have never gone anywhere farther than an hour and a half away. We even shudder to think what it would be like renting a cottage somewhere. We keep imagining the tantrums that would likely happen. Once he gets used to the new surroundings he’d be off again!

But it has been several years now since we have had any kind of vacation. I have started thinking that perhaps this summer we can try out some weekend trips. Initially it would just be Max and me, and later maybe his mom would join us. I know that he would love to see a mountain. So many times we’ve climbed to the top of a hill and he has asked me if this was one. Sometimes I tell him that it is so tiny that a mountain couldn’t even see it. Other times, it is a pimple compared to the mountain itself. His eyes bug out every time.

I’m thinking that sometime this summer Max, my brother, and I will head to Mount Monadnock in New Hampshire. It’s not too far away. We could stay in a camp ground for the weekend and spend Saturday climbing. There are so many mountains in New Hampshire and he loves to climb. If this works out I can see a lot of trips like this.

Six Flags New England Amusement Park is out in western Massachusetts. We both have a ball being on amusement rides. We will just have to figure out where we can stay while we are out there. It is a two and a half hour trip. For a boy that loves to keep physically active it will be real tough for him to sit still for that length of time so it will be hard to do a round trip in one day. I have an old college roommate that lives just south of there in Connecticut. Staying with him might be a possibility and I love his kids…though sadly they’ve grown up with Uncle MJ being so far away.

A third option is to visit another college roommate down on Cape Cod. I haven’t seen him in several years either. We could possible stay with him and his family and perhaps get Max out on their yacht; he’s never been on anything larger than a canoe.

And then there is an idea that won’t be considered any time soon. Max wants to take a road trip to meet the singer Taylor Swift. He adores her. He would settle for going to one of her concerts somewhere but he says that if the only way to see her would be to go to her home town in Tennessee then he’ll just have to be strong. Yeah right!!

So we have some possibilities. Will it circumvent the meltdowns? I doubt it. Will he at least be able to experience new things? Absolutely!

How about you? Do you have kids like Max who has a disorder such as bipolar, adhd, or pdd/nos? Are you planning any vacations this summer?

My son Max, who is 8 years old, goes to school like most kids. His school, however, has a half day every Wednesday. He is home by 1 pm and, until recently, we had to fill up every minute with things for him to do so the explosions would be averted. Parents, whose kids are bipolar, or adhd, or pdd/nos, or another disorder will understand what I mean.

His current Wednesday schedule is to come home and drop off his backpack. He then goes off with his Wednesday mentor for an hour. After that his play therapist spends another hour with him and then at 3 pm he is off to a 3 hour program in the next town. He and I usually top off the night by riding bikes before bedtime.

Max loves structure. When something happens to disrupt it we can be subjected to a major tirade. When he was younger we were very new at this. Okay, so is this upset due to his bipolar disorder or is it just a typical tantrum that all kids have. It took us a long time to figure out the difference. At that time we believed that we should be ignoring the disorder related explosion and coming down on him for the typical stuff.

As a result he got away with a lot of things. Now we understand that we should not be overlooking any of the tantrums. Yes, some of them might be related to his disorders but just like any kid he has to learn that inappropriate behavior is still inappropriate no matter what the cause. Because he got away with so much when he was younger there are a lot of things he has to unlearn and relearn.

When Max was last in the hospital the doctors told us that added to his other diagnoses he also has Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). This is a fancy way of saying he has temper tantrums, is easily annoyed, and refuses to comply with our rules and requests. They had two recommendations that surprised us…and woke us up. They told us to watch “The Dog Whisperer” and “SuperNanny”*.

“SuperNanny”* was to show us how to discipline Max. Having disorders does not give him a free pass to act badly; we still have to teach him that he cannot do these things.

Cesar Millan is successful in “The Dog Whisperer” because when training his animals he is “calm assertive”, he doesn’t raise his voice, he doesn’t get angry, quietly and assertively he teaches these dogs to behave.

Too many parents either yell and scream or, like me, get a stern hard edge to their voices. Whichever way we choose we are not being “calm assertive”. As a result things can get worse rather than better.

I can’t say that I have this “calm assertive” stuff always working yet though I’ve noticed that when I do act like this Max complies with fewer melt downs and is much happier,

Yesterday afternoon he and I went hiking with his friends and another dad. It started out okay, Max was enjoying himself. Then something changed and nothing seemed to go right for him. The toy gun he brought appeared to break which upset him. We were hiking in a different direction than he wanted to go. The older boys kept running ahead and he couldn’t keep up. Well, the tantrums kept coming fast and furious. Dad was having trouble keeping his cool. It was so tough we both wanted to go home! It wasn’t until the end of the hike that we were both calm and walking hand in hand back out of the forest. The rest of the gang had long since forged ahead and we didn’t catch up to them until we reached the car.

Thinking about it later I can see that there were better ways to handle this rather than being part of the problem.

Today was a different story. I mentioned earlier about the structure we have set up after his half day is over. His mentor generally comes first. However, this morning he called while Max was in school. He informed me that he had to go to an emergency meeting at his office so he wouldn’t be able to keep his appointment today.

I knew Max would be devastated and would probably explode and have a very tough time before his therapist arrived. I decided to take him to lunch. We went to the 99 restaurant where he wanted prime rib. Whoops, another tantrum possibility…what if they don’t have it for lunch. Before we went he agreed that if this happened he would have a cheeseburger.

It turns out prime rib is only served Thursday through Sunday after 4 pm. The meltdown almost started until I reminded him about our earlier discussion. He settled for pizza and Caesar salad. And didn’t the boy who rarely eats lunch devour the whole thing! We then got home in time to meet his therapist.

Meltdowns were averted and as I write this he is off to his 3 hour program where, I believe, for the next few sessions they are having drama classes. Perfect for the boy who loves costumes!

So now I have a question for parents with kids who, like Max, have bipolar disorder, adhd, pdd/nos, or another disorder. How do you handle the meltdown situations? Have you found a way that works best? Have you had any success in retraining your kids so that they have better control?

*”SuperNanny” was originally posted as “The Nanny”

“Why are you still wearing that thing?”

My wife was referring to the red band around my right wrist. My 8 year old, Max, and I had gone to Fall River, Massachusetts over the weekend. There they have a battleship museum. It consists of 3 ships and a submarine tied to the dock along with 2 PT boats, a WWII helicopter and plane, and a landing boat. Max’s Cub Scout pack had reserved Saturday night to actually sleep in one of the ships; the bands allowed us to stay after closing hours.

Many parents with children such as Max, that is, with bipolar disorder, adhd, pdd/nos, or another disorder will recognize this description. Max generally wakes up at 5 in the morning, 7 days a week. First thing he does is scream “Mummy, come in here!”

My wife dutifully climbs out of bed and joins him in his room. I stay in bed, not to get extra sleep because that never happens, but to stay out of the way. We have found that Max will stay much calmer if only 1 parent is present before 7 a.m. Some days his adhd kicks into higher gear and he runs screaming through the house, jumping on beds, and just being very exuberant. Other days he is belligerent, swearing at us for the smallest infraction. On rare occasions he may get physical which requires me to hop out of bed and hold him on the couch until he calms down. And then there are days when it is a combination of these.

He gets his medications soon after he gets up. We try to get some breakfast into him before that because we have learned that the meds kill his appetite. Once this task is completed we still have 20 minutes before he calms down and is ready to start the day. Between quarter of 7 and 7:30 he will get dressed, do his homework, and play outside until the van arrives. After that it’s back to bed for my wife and my day begins.

Do you know what I mean?

So my wife and I love days like last weekend. She gets to relax on Saturday and sleep in on Sunday morning. On this particular weekend after touring the ships and having dinner Max and his friends played on the battleship. This is the second year we’ve done this and I still get nervous. On a ship this size it is very easy to get lost. Max and I have stood on the deck in the evening with no one around and it still amazes me that there were 1500 scouts and parents on the ship with us…all below decks.

On a ship this size it is easy to get lost! In fact, on Sunday morning I helped a sobbing little boy I had never met find his dad. So I get nervous when Max disappears. Tonight however he wasn’t gone long; he wanted to play cards and have a snack in the mess hall. While he sat eating he put his head down on the table and started to doze off. I convinced him to go back to our ship to sleep. Surprise, he complied willingly.

In our sleeping quarters there were bunks stacked 3 high, 3 in a row, and 4 rows side by side. Max was on a top bunk and asleep by 9 p.m. I crawled into the bottom bunk to relax. The rest of the crew knocked off at 11 p.m. when Taps blew.

For me the morning was the amazing part. At 6 a.m. I heard a whispered “Daddy, can I get down?” No yelling this morning. I helped him down so he wouldn’t step on the boy sleeping on the second bunk. We went up on deck and enjoyed the early morning alone. There was no hyper activity or belligerence. It was warm and it started to lightly rain. The enjoyment didn’t last too long because reveille was blown at 6:30 and everyone was now up. Max found his friends and off they went again.

Sure, the missus was at home relaxing in bed but I got to wander around on a ship in a cove with my quiet subdued boy. This is a morning ritual I could really enjoy on a regular basis! And my wife wonders why I haven’t removed the red band yet?