In the past few weeks I’ve written a couple of posts on judging people. I called them Judge Not and Judge Not Part 2. In them I talk about my friend Rob and I try to point out that we cannot judge him for his problems.
Today I find that I am having a very difficult time not judging someone. I don’t even know who that person is!
It started out like any other day. Occasionally I go to my mother’s house when I have free time so that I can get some things done there for her. Since money has been very tight for me lately she pays me a small amount to do the work. I try to go down every couple of weeks.
My brother does most of the work. He’s a physical kind of guy; he loves getting his hands dirty. I, on the other hand, would rather write, read, or do any other kind of mind work. Recently with all of the economic issues in the world he has found that he has to put long hours in at work to make up for all the layoffs. I’ve been trying to take up a little of the slack down at mom’s.
Now here’s the thing. Today my mother pulled me aside. She said, “I want to ask you a question. You are the executor of my will. I have put in a clause leaving your brother extra money. Do you have a problem with that?”
I laughed, “you’ve asked me that question before.”
“I don’t remember.”
“Mom, that’s okay. Ask it as many times as you need to. Here’s the deal, he does a lot of work around here. He comes down at least once a week and spends a few hours getting the things done that you need. And he doesn’t take anything for it. I think he deserves the extra money. I don’t have a problem with you having that clause in your will.”
She said, “Thank you. I’m asking all the kids how they feel about it. The problem is I had something I needed to get done and I asked around. Someone said, ‘Let Ryan do it. He’s getting that extra chunk of money in the will, ‘ so I need to know how everyone feels about it.”
I was shocked. Here my brother is doing all of the work and not getting paid. No one else in the family has been stepping up. Not only that a lot of the work Mom wants done is to get the house ready for when she goes. She believes that the more she does will make it sell for a higher price. All of the profit would then be divided up among the siblings. So here he is doing the work so the rest of us will reap the benefits.
Now Mom says she doesn’t know who made the remark. I would rather think that no one really did but she doesn’t make things up.
So the bottom line is I’m having a very difficult time not judging this person badly, whoever it is. Maybe they have legitimate reasons. I don’t know. I just know that Ryan has done a lot for our family and he asks nothing in return. I know he feels the same why I do…that Mom should enjoy her money, not worry about us after she is gone. But she is a mom and that’s what they do.
I would like to hear from you. What do you think about this situation. Please comment. And just for fun I’ve thrown in this survey to tally the votes:
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